<u><b>Welcome To Grill Master Class!</b></u>
To earn your Grill Master's degree, correctly answer the following [[5 Questions]].
<u><b>Round 3: Fancy Grillin'</b></u>
Should you grill:
[[A) Pizza]]
[[B) Avocado]]
[[C) Beer Can Chicken]]
[[D) None Of the Above]]
<u><b> Round 1: Beefs</b></u>
Which beef is the grillin' beef?
[[A) Burgers]]
[[B) Dogs]]
''Ya wrong.''
//Nick says://
I've never eaten a slice of pizza and thought, //“The only thing that would make this better is if some asshole named Todd had grilled it in his back yard.”// Worst case scenario it gets stuck, best case scenario it has those wacky, burnt grill-grooves on the bottom, and you’ve somehow succeeded in making a deli panini worse.
<a href="https://ibb.co/GFGM5Br"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/0Q19G8z/Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM" border="0"></a><br /><a target='_blank' href='https://imgbb.com/'></a><br />
If you’re gonna grill something, have a reason. The misguided masculine impulses that produce grilled avocado - //‘cados are for cucks, grill out the gay// - and beer can chicken - //better grill this, and just to be safe, shove a can of Coors up its ass// - are not reasons.
[[Round 4]]
''Ya wrong.''
//Nick says://
I've never eaten a slice of pizza and thought, //“The only thing that would make this better is if some asshole named Todd had grilled it in his back yard.”// Worst case scenario it gets stuck, best case scenario it has those wacky, burnt grill-grooves on the bottom, and you’ve somehow succeeded in making a deli panini worse.
<a href="https://ibb.co/GFGM5Br"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/0Q19G8z/Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM" border="0"></a><br /><a target='_blank' href='https://imgbb.com/'></a><br />
If you’re gonna grill something, have a reason. The misguided masculine impulses that produce grilled avocado - //‘cados are for cucks, grill out the gay// - and beer can chicken - //better grill this, and just to be safe, shove a can of Coors up its ass// - are not reasons.
[[Round 4]]
''Ya wrong.''
//Nick says://
I've never eaten a slice of pizza and thought, //“The only thing that would make this better is if some asshole named Todd had grilled it in his back yard.”// Worst case scenario it gets stuck, best case scenario it has those wacky, burnt grill-grooves on the bottom, and you’ve somehow succeeded in making a deli panini worse.
<a href="https://ibb.co/GFGM5Br"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/0Q19G8z/Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM" border="0"></a><br /><a target='_blank' href='https://imgbb.com/'></a><br />
If you’re gonna grill something, have a reason. The misguided masculine impulses that produce grilled avocado - //‘cados are for cucks, grill out the gay// - and beer can chicken - //better grill this, and just to be safe, shove a can of Coors up its ass// - are not reasons.
[[Round 4]]
''Correct!''
//Nick says://
I've never eaten a slice of pizza and thought, //“The only thing that would make this better is if some asshole named Todd had grilled it in his back yard.”// Worst case scenario it gets stuck, best case scenario it has those wacky, burnt grill-grooves on the bottom, and you’ve somehow succeeded in making a deli panini worse.
<a href="https://ibb.co/GFGM5Br"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/0Q19G8z/Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-09-at-4-30-08-PM" border="0"></a><br /><a target='_blank' href='https://imgbb.com/'></a><br />
If you’re gonna grill something, have a reason. The misguided masculine impulses that produce grilled avocado - //‘cados are for cucks, grill out the gay// - and beer can chicken - //better grill this, and just to be safe, shove a can of Coors up its ass// - are not reasons.
[[Round 4]]
<u><b> Round 4: Skewers</b></u>
True or false: The perfect skewer contains a *breadth* of culinary delights.
[[A) True]]
[[B) False]]
''Incorrect.''
//Grill Masterclass Kaplan Tutor says://
The best approach to this question is the process of elimination.
A hot dog can only be a grillin’ beef, as it can never be an indoor beef – that shit’s just depressing. And when eaten in a movie theater, downright criminal, reeking up my theater with your hammy-ass dog.
A burger is to be smashed on your cast iron, in this (link: "wise.")[(gotourl: "https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/03/ultra-smashed-cheeseburger-recipe-food-lab.html")]
[[Round 2]]
''Correct!''
//Grill Masterclass Kaplan Tutor says://
The best approach to this question is the process of elimination.
A hot dog can only be a grillin’ beef, as it can never be an indoor beef – that shit’s just depressing. And when eaten in a movie theater, downright criminal, reeking up my theater with your hammy-ass dog.
A burger is to be smashed on your cast iron, in this (link: "wise.")[(gotourl: "https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/03/ultra-smashed-cheeseburger-recipe-food-lab.html")]
[[Round 2]]
//A sponsored message from That Asshole Todd’s says://
We here at That Asshole Todd’s are proud to introduce our newest menu item, Mixed Skewers: It’s got raw onion. Lukewarm tomato. A petrified chicken cube. And an entire burnt jalapeño. All served together on one searing hot pointy stick.
//Greenberg says://
Everything has a different cooking time and technique. As such, skewers must be kept to a single delight. They are best when used for succulent, marinated, mono-meats, and for wrangling shrimp – rascals of the grill.
<b>Anyway, you were wrong.</b>
[[The Final Round]]
//A sponsored message from That Asshole Todd’s says://
We here at That Asshole Todd’s are proud to introduce our newest menu item, Mixed Skewers: It’s got raw onion. Lukewarm tomato. A petrified chicken cube. And an entire burnt jalapeño. All served together on one searing hot pointy stick.
//Greenberg says://
Everything has a different cooking time and technique. As such, skewers must be kept to a single delight. They are best when used for succulent, marinated, mono-meats, and for wrangling shrimp – rascals of the grill.
Anyway, <b>you were right.</b>
[[The Final Round]]
''Incorrect.''
//Grill Masterclass Kaplan Tutor says://
This question is challenging, as both are difficult to grill without a significant portion falling into a pit of fire.
Using logic, because //both// will inevitably look like they were in a flaming car wreck, presentaysh is impossible and the answer is B.
Purchase salmon, swordfish, never tuna steak (you’ve never had a good tuna steak) and always make a (link: "sauce.")[(gotourl: "https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12790-grilled-fish-with-salsa-verde")]
[[Round 3]]Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.
''Correct!''
//Grill Masterclass Kaplan Tutor says://
This question is challenging, as both are difficult to grill without a significant portion falling into a pit of fire.
Using logic, because //both// will inevitably look like they were in a flaming car wreck, presentaysh is impossible and the answer is B.
Purchase salmon, swordfish, never tuna steak (you’ve never had a good tuna steak) and always make a (link: "sauce.")[(gotourl: "https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12790-grilled-fish-with-salsa-verde")]
[[Round 3]]
<u><b> Round 2: Feesh</b></u>
You're informed that one of your guests is a pescatarian. They sound awesome.
When going all the fuckin’ way back to fuckin’ Whole Foods to buy their fish, you should purchase:
[[A) A whole fish for presentaysh]]
[[B) A filet o' fish to play it safe]]<u><b> Round 5: Vegetables, Meats Of The Ground</b></u>
Which is best?
[[A) Whole eggplant, corn on the Cobb, shishitos]]
[[B) Sliced eggplant, corn off the cob, red pepper]]
[[C) Whole eggplant, corn off the cob, shishitos]]
[[D) **slamming fists on picnic table** BEEF BEEF BEEF]]
[[Actually, corn isn't a vegetable.]]Double-click this passage to edit it.Go fuck yaself.
[[How'd I do?]]
<u><b> Round 5: Speed Round</b></u>
QUICK:
[[A) FLIP]]
[[B) ROTATE]]
[[C) TURN TO FRIEND AND SAY, "YOU THINK IT'S DONE?"]]
[[D) POKE WITH GRILL FORK]]
(Live: 1s)[3...] (Live: 2s)[2...] (Live: 3s)[1...]
(Live: 4s)[''YA LOSE.''
//''NO GRILL MASTER YOU!''//]
(Live: 5s)[<a href="https://ibb.co/tbpYk9c"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/Q6vYz4n/Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM" border="0"></a>]
''WRONG!''
''YA LOSE.''
<a href="https://ibb.co/tbpYk9c"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/Q6vYz4n/Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM" border="0"></a>
''Sure, correct!''
If you got //all five// questions right and are a certified ''Grill Master'', congratulations!
Someone at your barbecue will still complain. Oy!
''YA WIN!' but... 'YA LOSE.'
<a href="https://ibb.co/tbpYk9c"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/Q6vYz4n/Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM" border="0"></a>
''WRONG!''
''YA LOSE.''
<a href="https://ibb.co/tbpYk9c"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/Q6vYz4n/Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM" border="0"></a>
''WRONG!''
''YA LOSE.''
<a href="https://ibb.co/tbpYk9c"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/Q6vYz4n/Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM.png" alt="Screen-Shot-2020-09-14-at-2-31-59-PM" border="0"></a>