The time is 6:15, and as your alarm clock cheerfully reminds you, it is certainly 6:15 in the morning. [[Shut up.]]You're way too tired for this bullshit. But then again, the delightful thought of coffee and Captain Crunch crosses your mind. [[Hit snooze for 30 more minutes of not existing]] [[heck YES I am all about Captain Crunch]]You hit the snooze button and blissfully pass back into sleep. 30 minutes should be plenty of time to feel refreshed and... Huh. It's 6:45 already. [[This is literal bullshit]]You rip off the sheets from your body and.... WOW it's cold. You're cold. It's too early and way too cold for anyone sane to be up right now. You crawl back into bed. [[This is literal bullshit]] Luckily, you're prepared for this sort of thing, and hit snooze for one more time. [[15 more minutes]]It is now 7 in the morning. You attempt to fight your way out of bed, but to no avail. How did all these sheets get twisted around like this? Where did your underwear go? Or your socks for that matter? Getting out of bed is pointless and you should probably just call in sick to work. [[Call in sick to work]] Your phone is on the other side of your room, which is total bullshit. Begrudgingly, you figure a way out of the labyrinth of bedsheets, blankets, and missing socks. Your underwear hasn't turned up yet, but there's still hope. You walk across your room and pick up the phone. 10% battery life, and... a mystery text message. [[Call your work]] [[Read the text]] You decide to disregard the mystery text, and begin finding the number for your work. But the text gnaws at you. Who sent it? What did it say? Could it be the start of the fantastic adventure you've always wanted to go on?? You decide to [[Read the text]].Hey. I got your number from Lana. I see you everyday and I think you're kinda cute! Maybe we could meet up for lunch one day? Or for drinks after work, if that's the sort of thing you're into. [[Ohmygosh]]Sorry, wrong number [[God fucking damn it]]You knew it was too good to be true, anyway. [[I don't even know anyone named Lana anyway]]You decide to check the time and the weather. [[Check that shit]]It's now 7:15, partly-cloudy at 45° F, and you're in the beginning stages of A Pretty Shitty Mood. You wore grey pants and a striped sweater yesterday, so that outfit is out of the question for today. Your clothes should reflect your mood, after all. [[Go back to bed]] [[Put on black pants and a black sweater]] You know you can't do that. [[I don't want to be a responsible adult. I quit]]You tug on a pair of tight black pants and a loose black sweater. Looking as fashionable as your pathetic budget could ever possibly allow, you grab your glasses, work bag, and... hold up. Where's your underwear? [[Check the mountain of clothes]] [[Fuck it. Go commando]]Your mother is going to be so, so disappointed in you. [[Fine]]Good. [[Put on black pants and a black sweater]]Your underwear was right there on the top the whole time! You grab your undies and go to the bathroom. [[Take a morning piss]]Remember what happened last time you went commando? [[Never again]]The local news headline read "Dozens injured, two dead, many others feared missing". [[Move to another state, grow a mustache, change your name, shave your mustache off]]Just [[Check the mountain of clothes]].Hell yeah, this is one nice pee. You check your phone again, and feel an angry rush of embarrassment about that text. Whatever! That mystery person doesn't deserve you ANYWAY! [[Damn this is a long piss]]After releasing all of Niagra Falls back into the wild, you finish your biz and wash your hands. While you're at it, you wash your idiot face, and fix your hair to look a little more presentable for work. [[The style is called post-post-hipster mom, and my boss thinks it looks cool]]You go to the kitchen and check the fridge for food. There's not a lot, mostly because you're an idiot who frequently forgets to eat. But you're also an idiot who recieves a pretty decent paycheck every two weeks. [[Prepare lunch]] [[Buy lunch]]You grab some white bread and a jar of peanut butter. Time to get hella loco with this jizz. Your stomach growls and you wonder if you should [[bother with breakfast]].You didn't buy lunch last week, so you feel relatively guilt-free about the thought of buying lunch this week. You grab some coupons for Burger King and get PUMPED. Your stomach growls and you wonder if you should [[bother with breakfast]].You never really eat breakfast during the week, unless by some divine miracle, such as a thankful client bringing bagels in. But that's a chance you cannot simply take. Lives, after all, are at stake here. The time is 7:45. [[Prepare some instant coffee]] [[Say fuck it and get in your car]]You throw a cup full of water into a kettle and wait for that baby to boil. The time is now 7:55. The kettle whistles, and you pour the hot contents into a stylish thermos you got from Pier 1 while it was on sale for 5 bucks. Everyone at work always compliments you on your thermos. [[You're a bit of a fashionista, admittedly]] You get in your car and notice that it refuses to start. You walk back to your home, before noticing that you've left your keys in the car. [[Go back to your car]]You finish making your instant coffee, grab your work bag, and keys. You lock the door to your home, and walk out to your car. It's a wee bit chilly out, not yet cold enough to wear gloves in a socially acceptable manner, but definitely cold enough to wear a scarf. Like the Cool Idiot that you so profoundly are, you've left your scarf in the house. [[Run back inside and grab your scarf]] [[Say fuck it and get in your car]]You check the time and notice that you have a half hour to get to work. [[Holy shit]]You drive down the street at well above the "suggested" speed of 25 mph. Pedestrians and small children waiting at bus stops be damned! You are, after all, an Important Person with Places to Be, and People to Be With. Also, all of that is a total lie. You do nothing but sit at a desk for roughly 8 hours and rarely make conversation with anything. Your highlights are drinking coffee, slacking off (most especially when the boss isn't around), taking hourly bathroom breaks, 30 minutes of lunch, and seeing that cute person who works at the building next door. [[Damn, they're so cute...]]You open your closet and peep at the collection of scarves. It's modest, but all very professional. There's a red scarf, a blue scarf, a yellow scarf, a red scarf with a classic Ralph Lauren plaid design, and a Burberry knock-off. Which one do you choose? [[Red, like the Republicans your mother keeps voting for]] [[Blue, like the color of your favorite color]] [[Yellow, like a Post-it note]] [[Plaid, like the blood of your Scottish ancestors]] [[Burberry-knockoff, because you're better than everyone]]You grab your red scarf and find that it looks great against your black clothes. With your heart racing, you check the time. It is 8:05. [[Start the car and go]]You love your blue scarf, and quickly put it on. It doesn't look so good against your face today, however... Try again. [[Red, like the Republicans your mother keeps voting for]] [[Yellow, like a Post-it note]] [[Plaid, like the blood of your Scottish ancestors]] [[Burberry-knockoff, because you're better than everyone]]You grab the plaid scarf and put it on. It's a bit short and doesn't do much to warm your neck, especially when you consider how cold the Highlands can be this time of the year. Try again. [[Red, like the Republicans your mother keeps voting for]] [[Blue, like the color of your favorite color]] [[Yellow, like a Post-it note]] [[Burberry-knockoff, because you're better than everyone]]You pick the Burberry knock-off and put it on. Unexpectedly, you look like a goddamn weenie. Try again. [[Red, like the Republicans your mother keeps voting for]] [[Blue, like the color of your favorite color]] [[Yellow, like a Post-it note]] [[Plaid, like the blood of your Scottish ancestors]]You see your keys in the ignition. You also see that your car door is locked. [[Walk out to the highway and wait for a truck to hit you]]Next time, just [[Call in sick to work]].You grab your trusty yellow scarf and put it on. This warm thing has gotten you through many cold years at school. It's as warm as ever, but it's also pretty dirty, almost embarrassingly so. Wool is hard to clean after all... Try again. [[Red, like the Republicans your mother keeps voting for]] [[Blue, like the color of your favorite color]] [[Plaid, like the blood of your Scottish ancestors]] [[Burberry-knockoff, because you're better than everyone]]Ah, but you don't have a chance in hell. :) [[Thanks for the reminder]]You daydream about working up the nerve to ask that person out to lunch. Or maybe to just ask their name. Your daydream and almost rear-end the police cruiser in front of you. [[NICE]]HOLY FUCK. That would have literally been terrible. You come back to Earth and wait for the traffic light to turn green. [[Any day now]]It takes roughly a million years, but the light turns green. You trudge along, down the street, until you hit another light. This time, it's the cop who was daydreaming and actually rear-ends somebody. [[Oh my god]]You brake in time to not make this a three-car incident. You have enough room to make a left or a right, but obviously you can't go straight. What do you do? [[Left]] [[Right]] [[Plow straight through]]You make a left and drive down the street. There's a wall of cones and a road crew. You make a U-turn to get out of that hot mess. Try again. [[Right]] [[Plow straight through]]You make a right turn and go straight down the road. It's a pretty long road, but it should probably leave off to somewhere nearby, right? You keep going straight until you hit another major road. From previous trips, you realize that you're suddenly in another town, and that you've gone backwards. The time is now 8:15. Do you: [[Make a u-turn?]] [[Keep going straight]] You drive right past the cop and notice that you're about to have a head-on collision with a schoolbus coming the opposite way. Quickly! Turn [[Left]]!You make a u-turn until you end up back to where you started. The cop is still there, as is the other car. What do you do? [[Left]] [[Plow straight through]]You keep driving down the major road, now thoroughly Pissed The Fuck Off. Luckily, you know your way around this particular town, and you're able to get back to the place you need to be. A little light on your dash goes off, alerting you that you probably should put gas in your car soon. The time is now 8:25. [[Drive down the road and stop for gas]] [[Drive down the road]] You stop for gas and grunt out some words to the attendant, "fill it to 20, cash, regular". He repeats, and your grunt something agreeable. The time is now 8:25. [[But hey, at least your tank is 90% full!]]You still have enough gas in your tank to last your morning and afternoon commute. Plus, you won't be in such a rush! You continue to cruise down the street, all of the lights being green. You'll be at work in no time! [[Onwards!]]You keep driving, even passing through a red light (it was yellow when you last saw it, okay). You're almost there! Almost. You brake when you see a line of cars and blinking red lights. There's a freight train that passes across this road, though you have yet to figure out it's schedule, which would be terribly useful on days like this. From the distance, you see a bit of smoke, dark and billowy. [[What the heck?]]You breeze on down the road, with nary a cop car nor red light in sight. You're probably going to be late for work, but you can always say that the freight train was crossing. [[What a convenient excuse ]] You patiently wait for the freight train to finish passing through, because now you have a decent excuse for being late. There was an accident! And the train! Convenient excuses, but also the Complete Truth. You notice that the dark smoke has gotten darker and more... everywhere. You also notice that the train isn't moving. [[Oh my god ??]]You flip on the radio, but it's playing that Cars 4 Kidz jingle that makes you want to go out and strangle teenage girls with pantyhose. Quickly flipping the radio back off, you check your state's Official Traffic Twitter Account for breaking news regarding the incident. [[What's the story?]]Apparently a tractor-trailer plowed straight through and hit the train. Or maybe the train hit the truck? Either way, you're going to be stuck here for quite some time. Maybe you should just [[Call in sick to work]].You manage to pull through the last leg of your commute without much of a problem. The time is 8:34, but you remind yourself of your good excuse- should anyone care to ask. As you pull into your parking lot and Specially Designated Parking Space, you see the car of the cute person who works next door pulling into their own Specially Designated Parking Space. [[Will today be the day that you gather the strength and courage of a thousand men, with the power and fury of a thousand burning, passionate stars, to ask this person for their name and number?]]Hell no, you're the County Weenie for the past ten years and running. There's no way that you could give up a position like that so easily. You get out of your car, grab your things, and begin to make your way into the building. [[Begrudgingly go inside]]You chirp off a blazingly fake but honest-to-goodness sweet and cheerful "good morning!" to the receptionist, who treats your greeting like the most amazing part of her day. You have a gift like that with people you suppose. You make your way to your desk, and set things up for a day of pretending to work. The time is now 8:45. [[Just a few more hours to go]]You log-in to your computer, and start up a few programs. Outlook, Excel, some various other shit that you keep open to look busy to your co-workers, and most importantly- your internet browser. A new email notification tells you that your immediate supervisor has a Brand New Project for you to do, with an Important Deadline of By The End Of The Week. You sigh and read the rest of the email. The project, although boring, seems doable within one or two days. What will you do? [[Start the project immediately, and slack off for the rest of the week under the guise of still working on the same project]] [[Just shrug it off and do it at the end of the week]]You decide that this is the best decision because it gives you ample room to snooze through the rest of the week while pretending to work and being smug about being the fastest worker in the office. You're just like that, you suppose. You get into the project, like really into it. It's boring enough to make your eyes glaze over and stuck in a trance with the computer screen. You get so caught up in this hypnotizing vision that you don't notice the receptionist walking up to you. [[Hi Lara.]]You decide that you can hold off the project until the end of the week. You're sure that you'll be able to finish it in plenty of time. You're just like that, you suppose. Constantly putting things off until the deadlines... You stare out the window and think about the cute person in the next building over. You get so caught up in a daydream that you don't notice the receptionist walking up to you. [[Hi Lara]]You snap out of your daydream and smile at Lara, the receptionist. She informs you that she's going to the bathroom, then to the FedEx box across the street, and then to the supermarket to pick up some creamer because there's no more left and your boss loves creamer in his morning coffee. You smile again, and acknowledge everything she's said. When Lara is out, you're the new receptionist. But it's still pretty early in the morning, so there won't really be any clients coming in, or too many phone calls. Unless shit hits the fan. [[Shit hits the fan]]And boy oh boy, does it hit that fan. No, it bludgeons that fan, straight up to oblivion. An incredibly rich client calls and they're Mad As Hell And Simply Not Going To Take It Anymore. Apparently they're putting the blame on you, despite this being the first time you've ever spoken to this person. You ask them for who it is they want to be in contact with, and you'll connect them as quickly as possible. They want to speak with your boss, who has a meeting shortly and won't be taking any calls. The client already stated that they Absolutely Do Not Want to be put into voicemail, so you can't dump them there either. [[Accidentally hang up on them]] [[Face the client like a man]]You snap out of your trance and tiredly smile at Lara, the receptionist. She informs you that she's going to the bathroom, then to the FedEx box across the street, and then to the supermarket to pick up some creamer because there's no more left and your boss loves creamer in his morning coffee. You smile again, and acknowledge everything she's said. When Lara is out, you're the new receptionist. But it's still pretty early in the morning, so there won't really be any clients coming in, or too many phone calls. Unless shit hits the fan. [[Shit hits the fan!]]Surprise! Shit actually doesn't hit the fan at all, and you're able to get some progress done on the project. You get so into it that you don't notice someone softly knocking at the receptionist's desk. [[You look up]]And another surprise takes place. It's the cute person who works in the building next door! Your heart races incredibly fast, pumping all the blood in your body to your face, and you begin to feel a thin film of sweat form on your hands. [[They're so much cuter up close]]You firmly state to the client that So-and-so is out of the office right now, and would they like for you to put them in So-and-so's voicemail? The client flat-out denies to be put into voicemail like you expected, and proceeds to flip their shit at you again. Your patience is totally out. [[Accidentally hang up on them]]You "accidentally" hang up on the client, and wait for them to call back. When they don't you breathe a large sigh of relief. They gave up for now, and will probably call back later on, when the receptionist can deal with them. [[The phone rings]]And sure enough, it's the same irate client. They're Absolutely Beyond Pissed at this point, and completely offended that you dared to hang up on them despite your arguing that "you must have been disconnected". The client is now absolutely demanding to speak with Someone Or Else and you panic, unsure of what to do now. You are new at this place, and still mostly learning the ropes. There's no one else in administration that you can pass the call on to, and there's maybe one or two other people above you (albeit in different departments) that you could possibly pass the call on to. At this point, you're completely dizzy and possibly going deaf in the ear that the client has been screaming in. It would have been a good day to [[Call in sick to work]], you think.You smile, clear your throat and say, "Hi there! Can I help you?" with enough cheer and sweetness in your voice to hopefully convince this person to fall in love with you and immediately ask you to marry them on the spot. They smile back you, and reply, "Hi, I'm here to meet with one of the accountants. I've been unfortunately blessed to be super-bad at remembering names, so I don't quite recall who it is that I'm supposed to be meeting with." They look at you sheepishly. You tell them you'll check with the calendar and get everything all set up. Meanwhile, would they like something to drink? [[Tea]] [[Coffee]] [[Water]] [[Nothing, thanks]]You offer them tea, and they graciously accept. You say that you have earl grey, green, and lemon. They ask for anything decaf, to which you don't have. They give you a slightly disappointed look, and then say, nevermind. You feel your heart sink to your knees. Whatever! As you turn to go check the calendar and get the meeting set up, you see your boss. He hurriedly greets you, and goes in for the meeting with the Cutie. Dejectedly, [[you walk back to your desk]].You offer them coffee, and they graciously accept. You then rattle off all the types of coffees your office kitchen has, even going so far as to happily state that you know everything about the coffeemaker and what your favorite flavors are, so on and so forth. They smile knowingly at you, and simply ask for a cup of whatever your favorite flavor is. Your heart explodes into a supernova and you tell the Cutie that you'll be right back with their coffee. You go into the kitchen and run into your boss who is making a coffee for himself. He tells you that it's his meeting and that he'll just make the coffee for the Cutie, thanks. Feeling slightly miffed, [[you go back to your desk]].You offer them water, and they graciously accept. However, as you go into the kitchen to grab a cup of water, you see a piece of paper taped to the cooler. "Out of order", it reads. You go back and tell the Cutie that the water cooler is out of order, and offer them coffee or tea. They give you a slightly disappointed look, and then say, nevermind. You feel your heart sink to your knees. Whatever! As you turn to go check the calendar and get the meeting set up, you see your boss. He hurriedly greets you, and goes in for the meeting with the Cutie. Dejectedly, [[you walk back to your desk]].You feel your heart sink to your knees. Whatever! As you turn to go check the calendar and get the meeting set up, you see your boss. He hurriedly greets you, and goes in for the meeting with the Cutie. Dejectedly, [[you walk back to your desk]].You keep working on that project, and before you know it, an hour as flown by. The receptionist still isn't back, which leads you to wonder if perhaps there's some sort of county-wide creamer shortage. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot your boss and the Cutie shaking hands, an obvious sign that their meeting is over. You watch as the Cutie turns to smile at you, and they exit the office. Despite feeling defeated, you manage to smile back. At the same time, the phone rings, and you quickly [[pick up]]. You pick up the phone and it turns out to be some salesperson trying to make a buck for their company. You lie your way out it, and dump them into the general office voicemail. Let the receptionist deal with it, you figure. The receptionist, interestingly enough, walks back into the office at that moment. She asks if anything big happened, to which you reply no. As she begins to sit back down at her desk, the phone rings again. You figure it's probably the same salesperson. [[Pick up the phone]] [[Let the receptionist get it]]You grab the phone, doing the receptionist a favor. As usual, you spew out the script of your morning or afternoon greeting and your company's name. The voice on the other end states their name, their company (which you note is the name of the building where the Cutie works), and then they ask something surprising. [[Am I talking to the person who was wearing the red scarf?]]Lara picks up the phone, and begins to get chatty with whoever is on the other side of the line. You shrug and keep working on the project, but you can't help but feel embarrassment at what happened earlier with the Cutie. You made no headway with them, as expected. It would have been a good day to [[Call in sick to work]], you think, as you stare out the window at the Cutie's building.It takes you a moment, but you stutter out a yes. The person on the other end tells you that they were just at your office for a meeting and they were quite impressed by your knowledge of coffee, and [[hey would you like to go out for a coffee with me sometime?]]You shit your pants, rip off your shirt, and scream wildly. [[No you don't, because you're professional]]Despite your heart making its new home in your throat, you manage to stutter out a yes, and make plans with the Cutie. It's been a good day so far, you think. ______________________________________________________ [[Start]]It would have been a good day to [[Call in sick to work]], you think, as you stare out the window at the Cutie's building.