I am tired of living this lie. I feel trapped. My parents... I fear what they will think of me. They always said "you can come to us with anything." //Anything// always has limitations. I can [[tell my parents]] trusting what they have always told me, or I can [[keep this secret]] knowing damn good and well they will find out at some point.Dad loses his shit. I didnt expect anything less. But his anger turns to violence and he begins to physically assault me. I always thought he was proud of me... at least that is what he always told me. Apparently, his love has contingencies. His alcoholism has always made controlling his anger an issue, but he is hitting me with a closed fist. This has never happened before. My mother, frightened at what is happening, does nothing to help at first. I take the beating of my life. I feel ashamed for what I am because of what is happening. Dad realizes in his fit of rage that he has gone too far. He stops his bludgeoning. [[I rush to call the cops]], or [[I tell him I fucking hate him forever]]. I am their oldest son. I am gay. I'm not sure how to identify, but I am in love with another young man of my age. It is a secret that I have kept for months. They will either find evidence on my phone, see us together, or I will get sick of hiding it and they will find out the quick, but hard way. I decide to let this play out on its own. My secret is soon discovered through my dad going through my text messages. [[It's not what it looks like]], [[I'm moving out]], or [[you would've never fucking listened anyways]]. I try to hide the truth, but I know it is in vain. Why should I have to hide who I am anyways? I openly [[admit my sexual orientation]] to my parents.I want to move out, but I don't really have anywhere to go as a minor living in a small town. I am [[forced to admit who I am|tell my parents]].I run away from home with nothing except the clothes on my back and my cell phone. I end up in a bigger city after hitching rides. I don't contact my parents at all. I meet an older guy at a bus station who says I can [[stay with him for awhile]]. My dad says he will never talk to me again if I call the cops on him. [[I call anyways]].I tell him I don't ever want to speak to or [[see him again]]. It [[doesn't go well at all|tell my parents]]. My dad watches too much Fox news, drinks too much, and in all honesty, is a far-right asshole. I call and I am taken into [[DCFS custody]] while my dad goes to jail.I split. If they can't love me or support me, then [[who needs em|you would've never fucking listened anyways]]?I break out of that shithole. I have enough baggage and I am not going to be kept prisoner for something my dad did to me. I end up meeting a guy that [[introduces me to methamphetamine]]. It instantly solves all my problems.He introduces me to heroin. I become [[instantly addicted to drugs]]. I make the wrong coice because I am young, hurt, confused, and unable to see my boyfriend because we are so far apart. The relationship doesn't sustain the long distance.I have a new lover. His name is [[methamphetamine|instantly addicted to drugs]]. No matter what, so long as we are together, we've got it covered.I begin to lose all grip on reality. Sober becomes the new high only when I run out of drugs. The phone rings. It is my parents calling a couple months later. I [[answer]], or I let it go to [[voicemail]].I answer. Mom is hysterical. Dad committed suicide. He left a note that said "I never meant to hurt you, my son. You were never wrong, I was. I will always love you, but I can never forgive myself for what I have done to you." Mom says she is sorry she didn't do more that night he beat me. She says it's time to come home. She begs for me to come home. I don't need home. I need [[rehab]].It is my mom. Something is terribly wrong. She tells me that dad has committed suicide and left a note that says "I never meant to hurt you, my son. You were never wrong, I was. I will always love you, but I can never forgive myself for what I have done to you." Mom tells me she is sorry she didn't do more and wants me to come home. [[Call back]] or say [[to hell with her]]?I admit everything I am doing wrong and how I have been struggling. I beg for [[rehab]] before I die as well.I die of a drug overdose shortly thereafter. Game over. I nervously get checked in. I'm coming down, in shock from the death of my dead dad whose funeral I did not attend, and jonesing for any thing that will get me high. I get settled and end up in a [[room]] where everyone is in a circle. What the hell is this??!![[Step 1]]: I admit I am powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable.[[Step 2]]: I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.[[Step 3]]: I made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understood Him.[[Step 4]]: I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.[[Step 5]]: I admitted to God, myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.[[Step 6]]: I was entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.[[Step 7]]: I humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings.[[Step 8]]: I made a list of all persons I had harmed, and became willing to make ammends to them all.[[Step 9]]: I made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except where to do so would injure them or others. [[Step 10]]: I continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong I promptly admitted it.[[Step 11]]: I sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact withGod as I understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.[[Step 12]]: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these priciples in all my affairs.Wouldn't you know... Mom completed Al-Anon while I was in rehab this last year. We both understand that Dad's passing wasn't our fault. He was sick. We are both [[closer than we have ever been]] in the face of our tragedy."Come on, son. It is [[Pride Day]] and the parade starts in an hour! I don't want you to be late!" "You know what, it's gay pride day. I'm proud of you no matter what you choose to be, and I think at this point, your father would be, too. I am going with you and showing my love and support. You will always be our son NO MATTER WHAT!" Love does not discriminate. Discrimination is hate in its purest form. Let love guide you!