Charlie couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he turned away from the booth. He had just signed up to fight for Britain. Swollen with pride, he paraded back to his home, beaming at every person he met.
[[home]]
Charlie's mother didn't share his confidence. She looked him dead in the eye and said, "You're going to die."
[["mom I'm gonna fight Nazis"]]
"Whatever mom. You just don't understand."
[[go to the front lines]]Charlie arrived at the front excited to prove his mother wrong. Not only was he going to live, he was going to win a medal of honor. He just needed to figure out what his role would be.
[[machine gunner]]
[[zeppelin pilot]]
[[infantryman]]
[[tank crewman]]Charlie smiled, confident in his new role. Surely he would be able to destroy the enemy and win a badge of honor for his bravery. He would return home to his mother she would realize that she never had anything to worry about.
While Charlie thought about this scenario, his ranking officer began to shout at him to attack.
[[rush into battle]]Charlie smiled, confident in his new role. Surely he would be able to destroy the enemy and win a badge of honor for his bravery. He would return home to his mother she would realize that she never had anything to worry about.
While Charlie thought about this scenario, his ranking officer began to shout at him to attack.
[[rush into battle]]Charlie smiled, confident in his new role. Surely he would be able to destroy the enemy and win a badge of honor for his bravery. He would return home to his mother she would realize that she never had anything to worry about.
While Charlie thought about this scenario, his ranking officer began to shout at him to attack.
[[rush into battle]]Charlie smiled, confident in his new role. Surely he would be able to destroy the enemy and win a badge of honor for his bravery. He would return home to his mother she would realize that she never had anything to worry about.
While Charlie thought about this scenario, his ranking officer began to shout at him to attack.
[[rush into battle]]Charlie rushed into battle, unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of killing another human being. He whooped like a white guy trying to impersonate a Native American. As he approached the enemy, he could make out their red uniforms. Red, the color of evil.
[[continue charging into battle]]
[[turn away]]Charlie rushes at the enemy. Their red cloaks become clearer and clearer as he approaches. Finally, he can see what they are.
[[battle]]Charlie sees the red cloaks of the enemy and knows what they mean. He turns around to run away.
"Fight or die!" his superior officer yells
Should he [[continue charging into battle]] or [[die]]?Well that was just ridiculous, Charlie thought. How did I die from that? He decides that he'll try again. If his mother found out he'd died, he'd never hear the end of it. He decides to go back[[go to the front lines]] or [[be a high ranking officer]] or [[call for help]]NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
[[die]] "I know!" Charlie exclaimed. This time I'll be an officer. They're much less likely to die, and they get twice as many medals.
I'll be a...
[[General]]
[[Police Officer]]This is great! Now I can tell other people what to do and take the credit for myself. I'm just like Thomas Edison!
Now, I'll just tell all of my troops to [[kill the enemy]] or [[reason with the enemy]]"This is great!" Charlie exclaimed. "Now I can tell other people what to do and take the credit for myself. I'm just like Thomas Edison!"
Now, I'll just tell all of my troops to [[kill the enemy]] or [[reason with the enemy]]This is great! Now I can tell other people what to do and take the credit for myself. I'm just like Thomas Edison!
Now, I'll just tell all of my troops to [[kill the enemy]] or [[reason with the enemy]]Charlie becomes a police officer
[[Arrest Kaiser Wilhelm]]
Charlie organizes his troops with the genius and forethought of a man that isn't acutally in danger of dying. They charge into battle like one of those feel good movies where a great coach comes in and makes the bad players believe in themselves.
[[They fight the enemy]]Charlie gave each of his soldiers a sign with a clever saying. "Give peace a chance," "Drop acid not bombs," and "Not really a sign guy, but geez!"
[[march on the enemy]]
[[start diplomacy with Kaiser Wilhelm]]NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
[[die again]]"I wasn't even in the battle this time!" Charlie fumes.
"Wooah dude, chill out."
Charlie turns to see Saint Peter guarding the gates to heaven.
"Can I come in?" Charlie inquires.
Saint Peter looks down at his laptop "Idk man, you're not on the list."
Two girls walk through the gates
"Hey!" Charlie yells "You didn't check to see if they're on the list"
Saint Peter shrugs, "They're girls. Look dude, you're not on the list, but I'll let you in if you can solve this riddle
[[riddle]]
[[go to hell]]Charlie's mother scoffed. "This is world war 1, Charlie. The Nazi's don't exist yet."
"Oh," Charlie deflated, "well I guess I'll see you when the war is over"
She scoffed. "I doubt it"
[[go to the front lines]] Charlie walks up to Kaiser Wilhelm's office to arrest him for trying to invade a bunch of places. On the way, he sees a car without a handicap sticker parked in a handicapped spot.
[[Go into Wilhelm's office]]
[[give the car a ticket]]
Charlie's troops march on the enemy. The Germans kill all of them. They see Charlie and kill him too.
[[die again]]Confident that his assembly of protestors is enough to strike fear into Kaiser Wilhelm, Charlie signals for parley. He meets with the Kaiser for a nice but not overly fancy dinner at the local Outback Steakhouse. They each have a little too much wine and end up back at the Kaiser's house. The next morning Charlie and Wilhelm have a quiet breakfast and agree on an armistice. Charlie signs his name and looks up at Wilhelm. "Make love, not war!" he exclaims.
Should Charlie make a celebratory toast to the wonders of diplomacy or simply embrace the moment and enjoy a cigar?
[[make a toast]]
[[smoke a celebratory cigar]]Charlie goes into Wilhelm's office, but nobody is there. A basket full of medals of honor is sitting on his desk. They glint in the sunlight and beckon to Charlie. "A medal is a medal" he says to himself. "I can just take one and hope I don't get caught or I can wait for the Kaiser"
[[take a medal]]
[[wait]]Charlie walks up to the car. He noticese it's a gas guzzling hummer and let's out a self-important "humph!" Charlie gives the hummer one ticket for being in the handicapped spot, another ticket for using an irresponsible amount of gas, and a third ticket because it's not supposed to exist yet.
"hey! that's my car!"
Charlie turns to see Kaiser Wilhelm rushing at him
"I'm sorry sir, but you can't be parked here"
"How about we have a civil debate? If you win the debate, I'll give you a German medal of honor and you can arrest me. If I win, you die."
[[debate]]
[[don't debate]] Charlie makes a brief toast to diplomacy and drains his glass of orange juice. The Kaiser lets out a bellowing laugh. "It's poisoned!" he shouts
[[die again]] You forget you have asthma and die
[[die again]] Who ya gonna call?
[[ghostbusters]]
[[8675309]]The door opens just as Charlie reaches for the medal. He looks up and stares into the eyes of Kaiser Wilhelm.
"hey!" they shout in unison.
"Get out of my office! you're not allowed to be here!"
"Yea, well you're not allowed to invade other countries!"
Wilhelm stopped to consider this.
"how about we have a battle of wits? We have a debate, and if I win, you leave. If you win I'll abdicate"
Charlie stopped to consider this. he could probably win in a debate, and he wasn't sure what the Kaiser would do if he said no
[[debate]]
[[don't debate]]The Kaiser doesn't show up
[[keep waiting]]Kaiser Wilhelm: "Ur mom gay"
Charlie:
[[no u]]
[[die again]]"no." Charlie says. "I'm gonna arrest you now."
The Kaiser rears up on his hind legs and stomps Charlie to death.
[[die again]]
The Kaiser still hasn't shown up
[[wait some more]]
give up, go back to the parking lot and [[give the car a ticket]] Still no Kaiser
[[keep waiting]] The Kaiser explodes. The shockwave kills Charlie
[[die again]]Bill Murray picks up the phone
"Bill!, Bill I need your help to get a medal
"Okay, Okay, I'm on my way"
[[next]]"Jenny! Jenny I need your help to get a medal"
"Okay, I'm on my way"
[[next]] Charlie's new partner arrives and tells him that he needs to get to the high ground in order to win the battle
[[Charlie takes the high ground]]
[[Charlie takes the low ground]]The German army shows up, led by general Paul von Hindenberg
"It's over Paul! I have the high ground!"
"You underestimate my power!"
Paul tries to jump over Charlie
[[cut off his legs and one of his arms]]
[[die 2]]Charlie goes to the marshy low ground and sets up camp. He's only there for a moment before an ogre arrives. "Get out of my swamp!" The ogre yells.
"no"
Charlie is not the sharpest tool in the shed
The ogre tears him apart layer by layer
[[die 2]]Charlie cripples Paul and then walks away while Paul catches fire.
"you were my brother, Paul. I loved you."
"We just met"
[[destroy the German army with guns]]
[[destroy the German army with a flamethrower]]Charlie is getting really frustrated now. He can't get a medal if he keeps dying.
"yo, what's up?"
Charlie turns to the sound of the voice and calls out, "who are you?"
"I'm Saint Peter dude. Who are you?"
Charlie notices that Saint Peter is standing in front of pearly white gates.
"Can I come in?" Charlie inquires. "My name is Charlie"
Saint Peter looks down at his laptop "Idk man, you're not on the list."
Two girls walk through the gates
"Hey!" Charlie yells "You didn't check to see if they're on the list"
Saint Peter shrugs, "They're girls. Look dude, you're not on the list, but I'll let you in if you can solve this riddle
[[riddle]]
[[go to hell]]
This is a gun free zone. Charlie dies
[[die 2]] The Germans are firebenders. Charlie dies
[[die 2]] "KACHOW!"
Lightning McQueen drives up to Charlie. "How are you doing Charlie?"
"pretty good, but I need to earn a medal so that I can bring it home to my mom"
"Oh yea you probably keep dying because the Germans all sold their souls to me and I made them super soldiers"
"Wait, so you're satan?"
"Yea, and if you sell your soul to me I can make you a super soldier too."
"Wait, so you're satan and a war profiteer?"
Yea, now do you want a medal or not?
Charlie says no and starts over in [[England]]
Charlie says [[yes daddy]]
"Can a swallow carry a 1 pound coconut?"
Charlie thought really hard...
[[yes]]
[[no]]
[[Is it an African swallow or a European swallow?]]
Wrong
[[go to hell]] wrong
[[go to hell]] Saint Peter was puzzled by the question. "You know what, just come inside"
[[enter heaven]]
say no and [[go to hell]] Charlie enters heaven and looks around at all of the people at the party. Every one of them has a medal. Charlie is embarressed. It seems that the residents of heaven actually did things with their lives. Eventually he spots God playing beer pong
"Hey, God!"
"What's up?"
[[Is it possible to sin in heaven, or are we just mindless slaves? If we do have free will, how is this different than just living on earth?"]]
[[let's do shots]]
God stares at Charlie. "That's an interesting question. Any others you got?"
[["are gays allowed in heaven?"]]
[["can I go to the bathroom?"]]Charlie does shots with god. Eventually he needs to use the restroom.
"Hey God, can I use the restroom?"
[["can I go to the bathroom?"]] "Nah," God says, "Miss me with that gay shit"
[[storm out of heaven because it isn't progressive]]
[[stay in heaven]]"idk can you?" God fires back
Charlie is taken aback. "I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now...wait, am I the only one being attacked? Are gays allowed in heaven?"
[["are gays allowed in heaven?"]][[go to hell]] Charlie doesn't deserve to be in heaven if he is going to be homophobic
[[go to hell]] Charlie is now a super soldier. He goes back to the war and decides what role he should be.
[[super machine gunner]]
[[super zeppelin pilot]]
[[super infantryman]]
[[super tank crewman]]
With his newfound ability, Charlie slaughters the opposing German forces. It isn't enough, however. Much of the German war machine is powered by the work of innocent factory workers and other civilians
[[Charlie kills the civilians]]
[[Charlie does not kill the civilians]]With his newfound ability, Charlie slaughters the opposing German forces. It isn't enough, however. Much of the German war machine is powered by the work of innocent factory workers and other civilians
[[Charlie kills the civilians]]
[[Charlie does not kill the civilians]]With his newfound ability, Charlie slaughters the opposing German forces. It isn't enough, however. Much of the German war machine is powered by the work of innocent factory workers and other civilians
[[Charlie kills the civilians]]
[[Charlie does not kill the civilians]]With his newfound ability, Charlie slaughters the opposing German forces. It isn't enough, however. Much of the German war machine is powered by the work of innocent factory workers and other civilians
[[Charlie kills the civilians]]
[[Charlie does not kill the civilians]]Charlie betrays the Jedi way. He kills not just the men, but the women and the children. Nothing can quench his thirst for power as he continues to attack anyone that stands in his way. Eventually he unites the entire world into one galactic empire
Lightning McQueen ascends from hell.
"Good, Charlie" he cackles. Now we shall rule the galaxy together as father and son"
Charlie still doesn't have a medal
"Listen, Lightning. I think we should see other people"
[[Charlie goes back home]]
Charlie does not kill the civilians, but he does not realize that Albert Einstein was a German civilian. Einstein develops nuclear weapons and nukes the British. Charlie is blasted across the world
[[fallout]]Charlie wakes up in New Vegas with no memory of how he got there. Doc Mitchell patches him up. Charlie decides that he needs to find his commanding officer and figure out what is going on
[[Charlie goes back home]]Charlie goes back to England and finds his commanding officer there.
"Hey Charlie, it's good to see you! The war is finally over!"
Charlie's commanding officer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a participatory medal."Here you go, Charlie, you really did your best out there and I'm proud of you"
Charlie takes the participatory medal and returns to his mother
[[returns to mother]]Charlie returns home to his mother with his participatory medal. The war was both ridiculous and a waste of time. Millions of innocent people died, including innocent civilians and young men were forcibly drafted. The world is in tatters, and the only person that gained from it was Lightning McQueen the war profiteer.