You walk up to the front of the classroom holding your laptop. You're shaking a little, but why worry? It's not like the class could think any less of you. Despite this, you nearly trip as you make it to the desk where you can set your laptop down. After a couple seconds, you figure out what to plug in where and manage to project your screen onto the blackboard. Your text adventure is open and ready to go. Beautiful. You read through the first passage and get a few laughs. After a vote by show of hands, you go to click on one of the options. Nothing happens. You try again. Nothing. You make a joke about the class' choice being wrong and try the other choice. It doesn't work either. Do you:
[[Look to Dawn for technical assistance]]
[[Enter the editing software yourself]]You look pleadingly at Dawn for a moment. She seems weirded out. Maybe she's mad that you're a "traitor" to Team C or whatever. Eventually you ask, "Can someone help me out here?" while staring directly at her. She gets up and walks over to the computer. She picks it up, as if to inspect its underside, and proceeds to smash it into the desk."Team C represent!" Dawn shouts as she walks back to her desk. The classroom cheers and applauds. Do you:
[[Start yelling at Dawn]]
[[Look to Pinckney for assistance]]You enter the editing software to look for the problem. All of the formatting seems fine for the first slide. Weird, but you should've expected this kind of mishap, honestly, having started the project last night. You've really kinda earned this. It's your //final project// and you still procrastinated way too long. You're probably a lost cause. You give up trying to fix the first slide and just manually click the next one and start it from there. [[Problem solved.]]The class is not on your side. Smashing someone else's laptop is a badass move. Pinckney laughs as the class throws various items at you - pencils, shards of laptop, the occasional backpack. You manage to dodge most of the projectiles. Eventually everything quiets down after you realize what a mistake you've made. Once Pinckney finally stops laughing, he asks you to sit down. Do you:
[[Listen to Pinckney]]
[[Ask him about what grade you'll get on your final]]"Are you gonna say something, or are you just gonna stare at me like an idiot?" Pinckney sneers. You're speechless, of course. "Option B then, stare like an idiot? C'mon man, improvise. This is your final project". He's right. You can't mess this up. Don't let the situation get any worse. You know that you have to say something fast, but what? As you ponder the question, the class starts to get rowdy. You look over at Pinckney again in disbelief that this is happening. He shrugs his shoulders. Do you:
[[Tell one of the possible paths of the text adventure as a story]]
[[Make up a play on the spot and act it out]]You defeatedly take the long walk back to your seat. There's always next semester. You [[Sit down]]."That'll depend on what you present. Technical difficulties are part of the process of creation. Deal with it." He's right. You're going to need to improvise. Do you:
[[Tell one of the possible paths of the text adventure as a story]]
[[Make up a play on the spot and act it out]] You proceed to tell the most straightforward route through the text adventure as a story. You manage to get about halfway through before the class loses you and the students start loudly talking amongst themselves, making //hilarious// jokes about Bobby Patton and the German language. How inventive. Eventually you stop, waiting for them to quiet down. Once everyone realizes you stopped talking, they clap half-heartedly and you [[Sit down]].You decide the best idea is probably to do something you're terrible at - practice makes perfect, after all! You awkwardly act out a scene of you begging a professor for a better grade (you play both roles). No one is amused by the cheap meta commentary. Once you finish, there is a brief round of pity-clapping and you [[Sit down]].The class continues playing through the text adventure as normal until they get to a certain problematic scene in which Zach 1 and Zach 2 have been instructed to fight to the death. Several students appear visibly disturbed. You see one student calling 911. You can't remember their name for the life of you. Well, at least you know it's probably German (hahaha funny, right guys)? Do you:
[[Persuade them to hang up]]
[[Forcefully take the phone away]]"Please please please, it's just a story!" you shout, but it's too late. You see them whispering into the phone with a terrified expression on their face. You look around. Everyone is shocked, but you can't tell if they support police intervention or if any of them are on your side. It's just art! Do you:
[[Stand your ground]]
[[Run away]]You run up to the student and try to force the phone out of their hand. Unfortunately, you haven't gone to the gym since you were young enough to have gym //class//. They easily resist and tell the police about you, the violent writer. This is outrageous! It's just art! Do you:
[[Stand your ground]]
[[Run away]] You sit down feeling defeated. That was going to be the best final the class had ever seen! Okay, well maybe not the //best//, but certainly better than expected out of you. As you mope in your seat, Zach 2 gets up to give his final presentation. You still feel your rivalry like fire in your blood. You're Zach //1//, you deserve respect! You start to [[cry]].There's probably no use in running anyways. You stand back and listen to the student tell the police where you're at, what happened, your name, etc. The class is still looking at you uneasily. After the most excruciatingly awkward few minutes of your life (and there have been a lot), the [[police arrive]].You run for the door, but Pinckney slides over in his chair to block you.
"Not so fast, serial killer. You know what we do to guys like you in West Virginia?"
"What's that?"
"Well actually I've never met a serial killer in West Virginia before. But I bet they're not nice to 'em."
You attempt to slide Pinckney out of the way, but unfortunately he's stronger than you foolishly assumed. He crushes your toes under one of the wheels of the swivel chair. Seconds later, you lie in abject pain on the ground. Pinckney slides over your nose and breaks it. The class laughs. Your final isn't going as well as you hoped it would. The [[police arrive]].Well, this is embarrassing. Zachs don't cry! You can't help yourself. You love good grades more than you love your parents! It's a shame you procrastinated so much. You suddenly notice that you're disrupting Zach 2's presentation. Your classmates are glaring at you. Do you:
[[Stay]]
[[Leave]]People staring at you just makes the whole thing worse. You can't stop crying. Your classmates rightfully start complaining.
"Can you shut up already? Zach 2's final is actually finished!"
"Yeah, stupid Zach 1! You had one job Zach ONE hahaha aren't I funny?"
"Get out of here Zach 1, before we turn you to rubble!"
Do you:
[[Leave]]
[[Challenge Zach 2 to a Sumo match in a final attempt to redeem yourself]]You just can't take it any more. You run for the door. As you get to the front of the classroom, Zach 2 grabs your shirt.
"Where do you think you're going, pipsqueak? You're leaving during //my presentation//? I don't think so. I challenge you to a [[sumo match ->stand up]]".It sounded good in your head, at least. Here's how it goes down:
Zach 2 was already watching your pitiful sob-session. Immediately upon hearing your weak little voice, he begins triumphantly stomping towards you. This is when you know you've made a mistake. You become paralyzed in fear. Zach 2 picks up your desk while you're still sitting in it. The class cheers. Zach 2 carries you above his head to the front of the classroom. He asks you, "sit or smash?"
Do you:
[[Sit]]
[[Smash]]Zach 2 sets your seat gently onto the ground. You sigh in relief. "Not so fast, 1" he warns. "You promised a sumo duel and a sumo duel you will get. Are you going to fight seated or standing?"
"Actually, Zach 2, we don't have to do this! I accept defeat!"
"You accept no such thing. It will be forced upon you."
You aren't ready to fight, but you have no choice at all. There's only one thing to do now.
You [[stand up]].Zach 2 throws the desk you're sitting in straight into the floor. The desk and your bones shatter instantly. At least one of your body parts that allowed you to breathe and scream got damaged, so you're left lying silently on the floor, blood seeping from your mouth and probably some other places too. You hear the class roaring in laughter and applause for Zach 2, Sumo Champion of Creative Writing. As for you, your name is more disgraced than ever. Zach 1 is Zach None, maybe they'll even start calling you Zach Done. The nicknames will never stop. As you wonder if you'll ever escape the shame, you [[pass out]].You can see in his eyes that Zach 2 has been waiting for this his whole entire life. Your last shred of confidence is immediately shattered as Zach 2 bolts towards you, holding nothing back. You try a last-ditch effort to run for the door. It's no use. He is just too fast. Zach 2 slams you into the door. Your vision blurs. He picks you up by your shirt collar and looks you in the eyes. You can hardly make his out due to the fogginess of your vision. As he's about to sumo you to the end of the Universe, you get an [[idea]].When you wake up, you're back in your desk. One of the members of Team C (you can't remember their name) is presenting. You can't pay attention. You stare straight down at your desk wallowing in your shame. The presenter finishes and everyone claps enthusiastically. "Zach 1's turn!" someone shouts. Still confused and mentally preoccupied, you start to walk up to the front of the classroom on [[auto-pilot ->The Beginning]]."Wait everybody," you start. "Isn't this kind of... violent for a creative writing classroom? I wouldn't want to have to notify the police about this. That would just be awful for everyone, now wouldn't it?"
Zach 2 drops you in disbelief. That was a truly genius move. Some would even say a Zach 1 move! "Classic Zach is back!" You don't even notice you just said that aloud, you're too overjoyed. The class looks stunned, terrified even. Zach 2 might be better at sumo, but you're better at threatening to call the cops. "Sorry," Zach 2 mutters as he retreats to his seat.
Pinckney begins clapping, soon followed by the entirety of the class. Seeing as Zach 2 left the playing field first, you technically just won! One, more like! Zach won! Zach 1! Your glory is returned. Pinckney tells you that just for winning that sumo match, you get to choose what percentage grade you get on your final project. You proudly proclaim [[1 percent]].At this point, the class can no longer contain themselves. You get a standing, screaming ovation. Classes from nearby classrooms enter to see what all the fuss is about. Soon they, too, begin chanting your name.
"Zach 1, Zach 1, Zach 1 won! Zach 1, Zach 1, Zach 1 won!"
Even Lauren cheers.Two police burst into the room.
"Zach 1, you're under arrest for the creation and distribution of violent, unwholesome and overall unhappy fiction. Hands behind your back!" shouts Cop 1.
"Yeah, hands where we can see 'em!" shouts Cop 2.
Before you can do anything at all, the cops cuff your hands and drag you out into the [[squad car]].As the car pulls away from Faner, you see the class standing outside and cheering at your departure. You sit and watch the scenery go by for a long time. You thought there was a police station a lot closer than this, but what are you gonna do, say something? You know how that works out.
A good ten minutes later, it's become obvious that this is no normal trip to the jail. You're being driven through the woods. There's no way they need to travel on a backroad like this to get to a police station, even if they were taking you to one that was a little further away. A little more panicky than before, you've become desperate enough to speak up.
"Where are we going?"
"To the place where we take all the violent writers," says Cop 1.
"What? Where's that?"
"Exile, Kentucky. It's an unincorporated community that gets to bypass a handful of state laws down there. Pretty fun. Well, for the guards at least."
"The guards? Is it like a prison? Don't I have the right to a fair trial?"
"You have the right to remain silent," Cop 2 mutters.
After what feels like an eternity, you nervously pass into [[Kentucky]]."How far away are we?"
"What, are you excited to get there? Don't be, serial killer," mutters Cop 2.
"I didn't kill anybody!"
"That's what all the serial killers say. Besides, we heard from that kid that you like reading about torture or something. Explain to me how //that// is making some kind of artistic statement."
"I'm glad you asked, so basically -"
"Shut up, serial killer Zach," Cop 1 interjects.
The three of you ride in silence for another couple hours before finally seeing the sign for Exile, sporting a population of 308.
"There's 308 people here?"
"Yeah, most of 'em are guards. Something like a hundred guards for every prisoner," says Cop 1. You know he must be joking.
Until you look out over the [[dashboard -> Exile]].The fence around Exile is too tall for you to see the top. Built into the fence at its verticies are guard towers lined with gunners. It looks like there are two per cardinal direction in each tower you can see. Eight gunners per tower around the "community". At the gate the squad car has just arrived at, six guards depart from the facility and congregate around the driver seat window. Cop 1 rolls it down.
"Code UNCOMFORTABLE-LITERATURE, as I said. Requesting captive receive standard treatment," Cop 1 says.
"Request granted," the guards say in unison.
As Cop 1 is rolling the window back up, you hear one of the guards saying "...ordering 100 guards from Fort Patton immediately. We have a dangerous individual on sight and we're outnumbered..."
Moments later, the gate opens. Instead of pulling the cop car into the facility, though, Cop 1 exits the vehicle and opens your door. He instructs you to get out and stand up.
"Listen, kid. I'm gonna give you two options. You can go into Exile for your sins, or, and I know how ridiculous this sounds, you can travel the barren wastelands that make up this Hell named Kentucky. Choose wisely."
Do you:
[[Enter Exile]]
[[Travel the barren wastelands that make up this Hell named Kentucky]]You walk into exile, surrounded by the six guards from before. You walk down one of the dirt roads of this place that seems like a Frankenstein of rural America and a prison. //Actually//, rural America is a Frankenstein of //itself// and a prison, but that's beside the point. As you're approaching the larger buldings labeled "Cell Block Z1", you and the others look back as you hear the screeching of dozens of military vehicles stopping at the front gate. The guards jump out of the backs of the vehicles and take various positions securing the outskirts of the facility from your hostile presence. Eventually, you're led into your cell block (which has a maximum occupancy of one). You have no chance of escape. You rot in Exile.You are excited to be free. You run gracefully down the nameless backroad into the heart of rural America. After a good half hour of running, you realize they didn't uncuff you. That's kind of a problem. You also haven't seen any signs of real civilization since Exile. Eventually, you reach a split in the road.
Do you:
[[Go left]]
[[Go straight]]After a few more hours of walking, it's starting to get dark and the road has been curving wildly for seemingly no reason. You don't get too worried though, because there's a really good sign. The dirt road suddenly changes to gravel, and then eventually you reach asphalt. Minutes later, you see a car. Do you:
[[Ignore it]]
[[Flag them down]]You ignore the car. After a another half an hour of walking, you see lights in the distance. They're not moving. It must be a house. As you get closer, you see that it's a more of a shed than a house. Two holes cut in sheet metal make up the windows that you see the light pouring out of. You walk up to the front door and knock loudly. You wait desperately for a few minutes, to no avail. Do you:
[[Knock again]]
[[Walk in]]It's a squad car. The officer inside exits, and in the dark it takes you a minute to realize that it's one of those girls from Team C. You don't pretend to know her name.
"Hey! Can you drive me back to SIU?"
"Is it really you? Zach 3? Man, you don't look so good. I gotta be honest, I don't really want a serial killer riding home with me."
"Why are you in Kentucky? In a squad car?"
"Do you really think you're the one that gets to ask the questions here? Listen, here's the thing. I've got my laptop here with me. I know you can, like, do audacity or whatever. Can you do my final project? If you do it I'll drive you back. But be fast."
You are ecstatic to be given this chance. You climb into the squad car, expecting to be handed the laptop. Instead, she smashes it over your head and proceeds to beat you.
To death.
She's a serial killer.You continue walking for hours. It gets dark. The dirt road peters out into something more like a trail through the woods. You don't think a car could even drive on this. You know you can't sleep in the woods. You keep walking until you come upon a creek. Nothing notable really, probably too small to be on a map, but it's so dark that you can't really see the other side. What's even more worrying is that the trail just ends here. There's no bridge, not even a log to walk across. You're hours deep into the woods. You curl up next to a tree and try to cry yourself to sleep. Apparently the animals of the woods don't like your crying either. You think it's a wolf that attacks you, but you're not sure. You're out of touch with reality, too traumatized to deal with anything happening to you. You're too ashamed of losing all your glory to Zach 2, who is surely being called by your name right now. What a tragedy!
But yeah, you die.Nothing happens. Do you:
[[Knock again]]
[[Walk in]]You enter the house despite not being invited. As you open the door, you're met with the stench of death. You expect the worst, but there's no way you're gonna keep walking tonight, so you walk in anyways. The room is small, with no furniture other than a desk with a lamp and a matress on the floor. On the matress a man lies eating raw ground beef with the plastic still wrapped over it. He looks over at you.
"Hello, Zach. I've been waiting for you. The name's Bobby Patton 1, or at least it used to be. I was like you, #1. Then, just before Fall classes started back up, things took a turn for the twos..."
"What happened?"
"Bobby Patton 2, my neighbor, beat me in a game of frisbee. The whole neighborhood was watching, it was a block party. I'll never forget it. Now I live in a shed and only eat raw meat to punish myself for what I did. I'll never understand how a 2 "won". It's just not right."
"Can you help me reach civilization?"
"You're not meant for civilization. They've rejected you. Come eat raw meat with me."
Do you:
[[Accept your new life with Bobby]]
[[Continue wandering through the night]]You dine on raw ground beef and plastic with Bobby Patton. You've tasted worse things before. You have a feeling that this is where you two belong. Together. You and Bobby Patton live happily ever after, both eating raw meat together by night and you missing him during the day when he goes to Walmart. He never tells you where the Walmart is so that you can't escape. You'd never want to anyways. You feel at home in his weirdly-jointed arms.You walk down the road for a little bit. Not too long after departing the shack you see a car approaching. You can't stand walking any longer. You [[Flag them down]].