A man stands in front of you, a knife in one hand and a pair of pliers in the other. His right hand is caked with dry blood--your blood--and he looks hungry to spill some more.
"We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way."
[[The easy way.]]
[[The hard way.]] The pain is too much. This brutal interrogation has overcome your formerly insurmountable will.
"I'll talk. I'll fucking sing if you want me to! Just don't hurt me anymore!"
Your torturer laughs and bares his teeth in an inhuman, almost lupine smile.
"I always break th..."
His speech is cut short as a bullet busts through the window and rips out his throat. You sit in stunned silence, unable to comprehend your incredibly good luck. A knock on the door at the opposite end of the room brings you back to reality.
"Agent 13? Agent 13 are you in there?"
[["Yes."]]
[["No."]] You lean forward and spit into his face. You're loyal to a fault and trained to handle the most painful tortures imaginable; compared to boot camp this little session is child's play.
Your interrogator quickly wipes the arrogant grin off your face by smashing his fist into your perfectly straight teeth. A visit to the dentist will no doubt be in order after this mission. He rears back to deliver another right hook, but is stopped in his tracks by a .50 caliber bullet. You sit in stunned silence, quietly staring at the pieces of skull and brain that now decorate the wall in front of you. A knock at the door tears you away from the mesmerizing gore.
"Hello? Are you alright in there Agent 13?"
[["I'm alright."]]
[[What the hell is going on?"]]
[["I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a bellyful of mead."]]
"Just hold on tight Agent 13!"
You are incredibly relieved as the man on the other side of the door turns the knob and enters the room. All feelings of relief are quickly dashed as he aims a rather large pistol at your head.
"I don't save snitches."
Your former rescuer concludes his pretty nifty one-liner by shooting you in the face. That's what you get for taking the easy way.
The end."Oh, my bad."
You can hear your rescuer's footsteps as they slowly walk away, leaving you to your fate in this dimly lit torture room.
Congratulations, your poorly timed joke has just doomed you as I highly doubt your well-meaning rescuer is ever coming back. The end.The person on the other side of the door stays silent for a few moments, seemingly confused by this random statement.
"Ummm, we'll have to put a hold on your mead Agent 13, right now we need to focus on getting you out of here."
You can hear some gunshots elsewhere in the building, and the man at the door appears to be growing uneasy as time slowly crawls forward. You can hear him slap something onto the door, and then frantic footsteps running down the hallway.
Afraid that your rescuer has just abandoned you, you begin to squirm, desperately trying to break free from the ropes that have bound you to the chair.
With a concussive, ear-shattering blast the door is blown off of its hinges and comes hurtling into the room. You turn your head away from the blast almost instinctively, and when you look back towards the doorway you make eye contact with...
[[A man]]
[[A woman]]
[[An anthromorphic bear trained in the subtle arts of espionage]]"I'm happy to hear that. Just hold tight for a few seconds longer!"
The voice grows fainter as your rescuer retreats down the hallway. Panic begins to take root as you are now faced with a slow, painful death by dehydration. You are still thinking about your inevitable doom when the door is blown off its hinges by a well placed block of C4.
All thoughts of dehydration are dashed from your mind as you lock eyes with your rescuer, who is...
[[A man]]
[[A woman]]
[[An anthromorphic bear trained in the subtle arts of espionage]] "I'm rescuing you!"
The person on the other side of the doorway seems quite eager, and their obvious optimism is a little contagious as you find yourself giddy with hope. You're still smiling when the door is blown off it's hinges and your rescuer is finally revealed to be...
[[A man]]
[[A woman]]
[[An anthromorphic bear trained in the subtle arts of espionage]] You were expecting someone taller, and with facial features reminscient of Sean Connery, but instead you are greeted by an overweight middle-aged man. His name is Paul and he's a mall security guard who occasionally moonlights as a secret agent. He may not be pretty, but he got the job done.
Congratulations, you've been rescued. The end.A gorgeous woman--an absolute ten out of ten--enters the room. You're fairly positive a chorus of angels is playing the background music that accompanies her entrance.
"Don't worry Agent 13, I'm here to save you!"
You smile, and miraculously discover that the ropes binding your wrists have been loosened. You rise up from your chair and run straight into her arms. You lean in for the kiss, but then something absolutely atrocious happens.
[[The suspenseful conclusion]]Don't be ridiculous, there is absolutely no way a bear would be trusted with a mission like this. What do you really see?
[[A man]]
[[A woman]]
[[No, screw you, I pick the bear]]Fine. A stupid, totally unrealistic bear is staring back at you from the doorway.
Hope begins to swell in your bosom and a joyous smile spreads to your face as your rescuer enters the room.
These feelings of elation are short-lived however. He nuzzles your face with his cute, fluffy nose and all seems right in the world.
And then he bites your stubborn head off.
The end. (You deserve it.)Your alarm clock goes off. It's 7:30 in the morning and it's time for you to get ready for school.
Yep, that's right, it was all a dream. Probably.
The end.