Welcome to...
BUNGEONS AND BRAGONS II: THE LEGALLY DISTINCT AND SEPARATE ENTITY
You are standing in the hallway of a dimly lit dungeon. All around you is solid stonework, exactly like the kind you've been walking down the past two days. Surely the lost treasure of McGlarf must be close by now.
Your torch flickers a lttle and extinguishes, the last of its fuel spent.
What luck. Happily, there are a few fresh torches attached to the wall at regular intervals. Do you:
[[Take a torch from the wall.]]
[[Stumble on without one.]]You discard your old torch and grab a new one from the wall sconce. As you hold it in your hand, you reflect on the amount of cost and effort somebody must go to to keep these lit. It must be somebody's job, you're just glad it's not yours.
[[I'm not sure about their economic model...|Continue]]You decide you can see well enough, and so you don't need to steal from whomever owns this dungeon. Immediately, you trip on a loose rock and stumble to the floor. Ouch.
[[Get back up.]]
[[Lay on the floor for a minute and contemplate your life.]]The fresh light illuminates a small rock that you clearly would have tripped on if you hadn't seen it, so good job there. You step over it.
Continuing down the corridor, you realize you can hear a nearby fountain. Realizing your thirst, you decide to stop for a drink.
[[Continue to the fountain.]] Quickly you stand back up, lest anyone think you were injured. "I'm alright, I meant to do that," you say to an empty corridor. Perfect.
As you dust yourself off, you realize you can hear running water. There must be a fountain nearby, and you realize you haven't drank anything in hours.
[[Continue to the fountain.]] As you lay sprawled on the stonework, you realize your magic compass took the brunt of the fall and shattered. That cheap back-alley wizard had better still have your gold when you get out of here!
As they were purchased as a set (it was such a bargain!) the map you were holding in your other hand starts to fade, leaving a blank piece of paper.
[[Oh well.]]As you collect yourself and gingerly stand back up, you realize you can hear running water...there must be some sort of fountain nearby! Hearing the water forces you to realize you haven't drank anything in hours.
[[Continue to the fountain.]]
The fountain sits in a small recess in the wall. Two identical gargoyles face each other on the walls, alternately spewing sparkling blue water into a basin.
Do you:
[[Drink from the left gargoyle.]]
[[Drink from the right gargoyle.]]You extend your cupped hands under the water for a taste, and find the water to be delicious and refreshing. After taking a longer drink, you decide to fill your water jug.
[[Much better, it's important to stay hydrated don't you know.|Keep walking]]
You extend your cupped hands under the water for a taste, and find the water to be delicious and refreshing. After taking a longer drink, you decide to fill your water jug.
[[Ahh, that's the stuff.|Keep Walking]]
Further along, you come upon a large wooden door, and a small goblin leaning against the wall in front of it. But, he appears to either be lost in thought or asleep, as he doesn't seem to notice you approaching.
[[Can't say I blame him, it's awfully dull in here|Next]]Upon closer examination, you can see a golden key on the goblin's belt, no doubt for the door he's supposed to be guarding. Carefully you reach out and attempt to grab the key quietly; but you accidentally brush his arm, which brings him back to the present.
"Mm! Manflesh! Try to get my key? Not that easy, hee hee!"
[[Try to explain yourself]]
[[Ask politely for the key.]]
[[Stand there awkwardly]]Further along, you come upon a large wooden door, and a small goblin leaning against the wall in front of it. But, he appears to either be lost in thought or asleep, as he doesn't seem to notice you approaching.
[[Can't say I blame him, it's awfully dull in here.|squeaky]]Upon closer examination, you can see a golden key on the goblin's belt, no doubt for the door he's supposed to be guarding. Carefully you reach out and attempt to grab the key quietly; but you accidentally brush his arm, which brings him back to the present.
"Mm! Manflesh! Try to get my key? Not that easy, hee hee!" he laughs.
Do you:
[[Try to explain yourself|squeak2]]
[[Ask politely for the key|squeak2]]
[[Stand there awkwardly|ded]]As you open your mouth to speak, you find your voice to be magically changed! Instead of your cool collected self, you speak in a sort of high-pitched squeak, almost as if you had inhaled helium; but as this is a sort of medieval setting, you have no idea what helium is.
Your voice causes the goblin to laugh heartily, rolling around on the floor:
"Hee hee! Many before you fall for that trick! Don't drink the wrong water! Hee heeeeeeeee!"
The utter spectacle of the situation causes you no end of embarrassment, and you turn to flee in terror. Not looking where you are going, you step on that rock from earlier and fly headlong into the stone wall, concussing you. The world goes dark.
[[Oh darn. Try again?|Start]]Both of you stand there for several minutes, looking everywhere except each other. Finally you gather the courage to speak: "I am searching for the lost treasure of McGlarf!" Gasp! You find your voice to be magically changed! Instead of your normal voice, you speak in a sort of high-pitched squeak, almost as if you had inhaled helium; but as this is a sort of pseudo-medieval setting, you have no idea what helium actually is.
Your voice causes the goblin to laugh heartily, rolling around on the floor:
"Hee hee! Many before you fall for that trick! Don't drink the wrong water! Hee heeeeeeeee!"
[[Next|ded2]] Both of you stand there for several minutes, looking everywhere except each other. Finally you gather the courage to speak: "I am searching for the lost treasure of McGlarf!" Ooh. Your commanding tone causes a small shiver to run up your spine. The goblin is clearly impressed.
"McGlarf! Yes! Many before you seek treasure! Many go through this door, nobody comes out. Elves, yes! Few dwarves, mm! All vanish!" Through this goblin's pidgin English, you ascertain the treasure is within reach! Finally! Oh joy!
"To get to McGlarf, you must go through ME!" the goblin shrieks, drawing a dagger. Hearing his shrill voice activates your old training and you calmly draw your own sword.
[[Next|trap!]]"May I have your key, please? I am searching for the lost treasure of McGlarf!" You ask in your politest but firmest tone.
The goblin stares in shock at you for a minute, his jaw agape. "McGlarf! Yes! Many before you seek treasure! Many go through this door, nobody comes out. Elves, yes! Few dwarves, mm! All vanish!"
Through this goblin's pidgin English, you ascertain the treasure is within reach! Finally! Oh joy!
"Many come, nobody ask nicely! Mm! You the first!" With that, the goblin reaches into a sack next to him and pulls out a silver key. "This real key! Real treasure! Ya-hah!"
[[Next|skulls]]Double-click this passage to edit it.Finally the goblin stops laughing. "McGlarf! Many before you seek treasure! Many go through this door, nobody comes out. Elves, yes! Few dwarves, mm! All vanish!"
Through this goblin's pidgin English, you ascertain the treasure is within reach! Finally! Oh joy!
"To get to McGlarf, you must go through ME!" In a flash, the goblin pulls out a dagger and leaps toward you. You attempt to draw your own sword, but your reflexes are no match. His dagger finds its way to your chest and you collapse.
[[Oh bugger. Try again?|Start]]As you trade blows with the goblin for a while, he definitely takes the lion's share of injuries. Finally he drops his dagger. "No more! Mercy! Manflesh not kill! Me gives you key! Yes! Key to treasure room!" Taking a deep breath, you relax and put your sword back in its sheath. Trembling, the goblin hands you the key. Success! "A wise decision, goblin." you tell him with surety.
With key in hand, you step up to the large door. Confidently you insert the key and turn it. You can faintly hear mechanisms creaking and groaning. And then...
[[Yes?]]The ground you stand on falls away and you fall into a bottomless pit. On the way down, you are sure you can hear that goblin cackling.
[[Well done. Try again?|Start]]Just goes to show it never hurts to ask, you guess. As you open the door with the proper key, you notice for the first time that giant ornate skulls are carved into the door. Whomever the carver was shows some great talent, and they are in no way a foreshadowing of what lays beyond the door.
Probably.
[[Yeah sure.]]As you step through to the next room, you are blinded by a dazzling array of golden objects! What isn't golden is covered in an expensive amount of diamonds, rubies and other stones. This is more gold than you or anybody you know have ever seen, perhaps more than even the king owns!
In the center of the room stands a pedestal with a gold and silver statue of a figure with a plunger. This can only be the fabled treasure of McGlarf! You can scarcely believe it! In the excitement you nearly trip over one of the many skeletons you now see littering the floor.
[[I'm sure those are just decorations.|Checkpoint]]Apparently that goblin wasn't a complete liar, as it's clear these bones are from other treasure hunters. You wonder aloud what could have killed them all, as you can see many of them have quite advanced weapons.
Almost as in answer to your question, you hear a click overhead, and a ornately mirrored panel swings open. You feel a rush of wind, and that almost certainly means something is about to fall on you.
Do you:
[[Attempt to dodge out of the way!|dodge]]
[[Remain rooted to the spot in abject fear!|splat]]The wind stops, and you can hear what you can only describe as a "shlorpy" sound echoes in the chamber. Suddenly a giant sphere of...gelatinous liquid?...emerges! With your quick reflexes, you leap out of the splat zone. Clearly this is the true guardian of the treasure, and will not be an easy fight.
Do you:
[[Swing your sword at it!]]
[[Try reasoning with it!]]
[[Try alternate tactics!]]The wind stops, and you can hear what you can only describe as a "shlorpy" sound echoes in the chamber. Suddenly a giant sphere of...gelatinous liquid?...emerges and before you can move, it envelops you. It assaults all your senses at once and you must act fast before it kills you.
Do you:
[[Scream like a banshee!]]
[[Attempt to eat your way out!]]
[[Draw your weapon and fight!]]
You attempt to draw breath to scream, but what little sound you can get out only serves to make the jelly-o monster wiggle a bit before your lungs fill up with the ooze and you suffocate. You died.
[[Well dang.|Checkpoint]]You open your mouth and take a bite of the monster. "Sure why not," you think to yourself. "Can't be any worse than the food at that inn last week." As the ooze hits your tongue, you find that it is flavored with lemon and green apples. Not wholly unpleasant, but unfortunately these are two foods you are deathly allergic to. You break out in hives immediately and go into anaphylactic shock. You died.
[[Oh, what are the chances?!|Checkpoint]]You attempt to pull your sword out, but the properties of the non-Newtonian ooze means that the harder you exert force the harder it resists. You are unable to attack before it envelops you and you suffocate. You died.
[[That's cheating!|Checkpoint]]You take your trusty sword out and prepare to do battle with the monster. You swing your sword into the mass and some of it comes away. With a ghastly moan, the severed bits dissolve and you can see the place they came from start to heal instantly and soon it is as if you did no damage to the creature at all.
[[Oh bums.]]You do not draw your sword, but instead decide to use logic and reasoning. Attempting to argue the complete unliklihood of a sentient monster made entirely of gelatin falls on deaf ears, possibly because it has no ears to begin with. How it is even ambulatory is beyond you, frankly.
[[Right, I'm sure insults are totally the way to go.|Oh bums.]]Thinking back to a misguided experiment in cooking you tried once, you remember that gelatin-based desserts are made with hot water.
[[Right, but how does that help here?]]"CHECKPOINT!" You hear a voice clearly yell, but no-one else is in the room. Huh. Must have been the wind. Probably best not think about it.
[[Ok...?|I'm sure those are just decorations.]] The monster starts to flex and undulate, and moves to envelop you. You feel pain over every part of your body, even parts you weren't sure you still had. You died.
[[Well that went well.|Checkpoint]]You pull out your water jug and quickly hold your torch up to it. Hopefully the water will get hot enough before the jug starts to melt.
[[There's no way this will work.]]Since this...thing is basically alive jelly, it must behave the same way.
[[Ok...]]Before long you see steam coming out of the opening in the jug, and quickly you toss it in such a way to splash all over the gelatinous sphere.
Success! the parts that made contact with the water turn into liquid, and dribble away from the main mass. The creature (somehow) screams in pain, and moves away from you and toward a grate in the floor, oozing away.
[[Well that was dumb, but at least it worked.]]At last, it's just you and the treasure! Carefully you observe the statue and the pedestal it sits on. From your pouch you pull a bag of sand, and briefly consider switching it with the statue, but decide not to. Clearly you didn't bring enough sand anyway.
[[Careful, don't get your whip and fedora tangled up.]]Slowly and calmly you grab the statue and lift it off the pedestal. Hooray! You found the treasure! No final traps or anything!
Relieved, you step down from the pedestal and out the door without a backward glance. This calls for celebration! With real ale! and wenches!
[[Well done you.]]You've reached the end of this little story. I put this together in a matter of hours as a fun thing to see if I could do it, and what do you know, I can!
If for some reason you'd like to go back to the start and explore a little more, you can push [[this link.|Start]] If you're done with it, you can just close this window. Thanks!