Good writing, but I've played the game twice and found that I could make only two decisions in entirety. Isn't the point of the game to allow the player to affect the outcome as much as he can? Maybe you can try fragmentation more as the story is good and would do better with more branching. Oh, and an entire paragraph is not a good choice for..well, a choice. Try simple ones like 'go left' or 'do this/that'; then you can use the paragraph to describe what happens.