The story concept is pretty interesting. You have to find some treasure, fair enough. However, the grammar errors, how unrealistic it was, and you have to do a certain string of things or you die. I'd suggest fix the grammar, and make more endings for the things you choose, rather than instant death.
Needs some fixes. Unrealistic, bad grammar, and circumstances where there is only ever one option, and you can't do anything that would normally work fine! Nevertheless, winnable with only one ending! Just bleeding, or a single stab of a scorpian won't kill you.