Be a footballer: Equestria (my little pony) by British Brony

Review by Blahsadfeguie

I'll start by explaining something: I am a fan of MLP, but I'm not exactly a fan of "ponies for the sake of ponies" fanworks. This came across as very much the latter.

Between the unwelcoming font and color scheme, the confusing football jargon, and the various grammatical and typographical errors, this game failed to immerse me entirely. And let's not glance over the highly unnecessary twist/reference at the end of the apparent "true ending". If you're into that sort of thing, okay, you do you. It just has no place in a story such as this.

Normally I'd overlook most of the pointers in the above paragraph if it was played for laughs, but the game is tagged as a "Simulation" and not a "Comedy", therefore I can only assume you were going for an immersive experience. If that were the case, here is what I would do: add more detail and keep the characters in-character, describe scenes more in layman's terms, and proofread like the dickens. The amount of choices and the pacing is alright, but you could afford to pad them out with more prose. The experience just feels hollow otherwise.

If you were going for a comedy, I'd play up the ridiculousness factor significantly. This is all happening so fast for the player; maybe they're only rising as high as they are because of sheer luck, and they don't understand the sport in the slightest, nor do they really know any of the ponies involved. "Who are you again? What am I doing here? The ball goes in THAT goal, right?" That sort of thing. The current ending might even be more fitting that way. I honestly can't see any other way to make this game or its narrative more amusing than it is.

And of course, there's no reason you couldn't do a combination of the two. A comically confused player character is easy to identify with in a situation like this.

Sorry for the wall; I really dislike seeing effort and potential go to waste, especially when it comes to MLP or another fandom with a huge following and much to explore. I don't know if you're still working on this, but if you are, I hope you take this advice to heart and turn this IF into something worth looking at. If you're not... maybe it will inspire someone else to do better? I don't know, it's 5:00 AM and my thoughts are rapidly deteriorating. Why am I not asleep?

...Okay, off I go to do that. Take care, BB. (can I call you that? too late I'm calling you that g'night :L)

Review by AC Me Rolin

Fun, entertaining and funny! XD!

Review by Footfan25

Amazing and detailed game!