This is a relatively short demo. Would enjoy some feedback on structure, direction, and story line. Thanks! (I know the depth is..well shallow as of yet but it's a rough draft of a work in progress and my first attempt, judge accordingly)
I think this was very interesting, and the structure was good. You were very concise but descriptive at the same time, which is something you should keep up. Overall I loved it and would like to see more from you!