The Bavarian Cannibal Volume I

You are a simple Bavarian from Traunstein. You spend your days doing Bavarian dances in Lederhosen, drinking beer and rubbing Leberkas on yourself. Then one day there is a famine. The crops fail. The priests sacrifice a tourist and inspect his entrails. The priests tell the people "We have sinned against Bavaria and we are punished." The Traunstein elders turn to you and say "You are the hero. You must heal the Land." Do you: [[punch them in the face]] [[say "DUDE!!! What do you mean? I'm just a simple Bavarian! I'm no hero!"]] [[accept the mission]] [[ask for money]]

You punch the Traunstein elders in the face. They fall to the ground, screaming. The people of Traunstein are amazed and displeased. They cast stones at you and say "begone demon!" Do you: [[punch the people of Traunstein in the face]] [[say "DUDE! Seriously! I was just kidding!"]] [[run away]]

The Traunstein elders smile and say: "Did you not notice your superior genetics and ancestral memory? You are no simple Bavarian, young lion. You spring from the loins of Adolf Hitler himself." Do you: [[stare vacantly]] [[ask for money]] [[tell them they are all Nazis]] [[accept the mission]]

You thump your manly chest and say: "I will make everything better again." The Traunstein elders offer you a range of magical implements to assist in your quest: a vintage Tiger tank in mint condition; a MG42 with infinite ammo; a copy of Mein Kampf, signed by the Führer himself; a huge Leberkas; lots of beer. Do you: [[take them all and punch the elders in the face if they object]] [[take the Tiger tank]] [[take the MG42]] [[take Mein Kampf]] [[take the Leberkas]] [[take the beer]]

You ask for money. They look disappointed and then throw some coins at you. You kneel to pick up the coins and a Muslim migrant in a stolen car runs you over. You die. THE END

You roar with fury and systematically punch every single resident of Traunstein in the face. It takes a long time but finally they are all dead. Then you die of loneliness and chagrin. THE END

They accept your apology. Do you: [[ask for money]] [[accept the mission]] [[say "DUDE!!! What do you mean? I'm just a simple Bavarian! I'm no hero!"]]

You flee into the mountains. There, a Muslim rape gang find and slay you. The END

You stare vacantly. They repeat the offer. You just stand there, staring vacantly. You do this until the heat death of the universe. THE END

They laugh and wink and offer you Mein Kampf. You take it and leave the village. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

You grab all the items and then punch the elders. They fall to the ground and die. The people of Traunstein turn away in disgust. You live a lonely life with your stolen magical items, finally dying of shame. THE END

"A wise choice, young lion of Traunstein," the elders say, nodding approvingly. You get into the tank and roar off into the distance. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[invade Poland]] [[just drive randomly around laughing and drinking beer]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

You accept the machine gun and infinite ammo and contemplate your options. Do you: [[test it by shooting the people of Traunstein]] [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]] [[go home and drink some beer]]

As you accept the holy book, the spirit of the Führer enters and empowers you. Where before you were a mildly retarded Bavarian peasant, you are now a genius with words of fire. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

You take a huge bite from the Leberkas. It is delicious. You eat more. And more and more and more. Until finally you are bloated and fall to the ground. The Leberkas regenerates. It is an infinite Leberkas. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]] [[tell the people of Traunstein to eat the Leberkas]]

You take the beer. It is a fine Traunstein beverage indeed. Do you: [[drink it all now]] [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

Choose The Berlin Putsch in the next chapter.

You drive towards Poland, singing patriotic songs. Then you realise you don't know where Poland is and you are just driving around in circles, smashing through Traunstein and killing everyone. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

You take the tank on a test run, crashing through Traunstein and killing and maiming all and sundry as you quaff beer and laugh in Bavarian. You drink so much you pass out and come to several days later, to find you have destroyed most of Traunstein. Do you: [[take your own life]] [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

Choose the Munich Putsch in the next chapter.

You kill everyone in Traunstein. Their bodies fall to the earth, bleeding their precious Bavarian blood into the ground from whence they came. Do you: [[take your own life]]

You go home but there is no home. The Muslims have taken it over. Where once there was a home, there is now just a Muslim refugee centre where hordes of 3rd World military age migrants rape goats. You weep and curse your fate. Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

"Alas, young lion of Traunstein," the elders inform you, "the Leberkas is poisonous to anyone save the true descendant of Adolf Hitler. Only you may eat of the holy Leberkas." Do you: [[go to Berlin to overthrow the German Government]] [[go to Munich to overthrow the Bavarian Government]]

You drink the beer. It is delicious. It is so delicious you pass out and get raped to death by a wandering Muslim gang. The END

Having failed at all you set out to do, having betrayed your youthful promise, you are forced to eat so much Leberkas that you die. The END

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You are a simple Bavarian from Traunstein. You spend your days doing Bavarian dances in Lederhosen, drinking beer and rubbing Leberkas on yourself.
Then one day there is a famine.
The crops fail.
The priests sacrifice a tourist and inspect his entrails.
The priests tell the people "We have sinned against Bavaria and we are punished."
The Traunstein elders turn to you and say "You are the hero. You must heal the Land."
Do you:

punch them in the face

say "DUDE!!! What do you mean? I'm just a simple Bavarian! I'm no hero!"

accept the mission

ask for money