The day before.

<i>4:59. At 5:00 it all ends. I've done this so many times, my body lays here waiting for the inevitable, stiff in the stillness... how many times has it all ended? It ends over and over again. I can't remember a 4:59 where it didn't end. The last minute. Every fucking time it gets me, I break off into some train of thought, awake waiting but not actually here. It's like I'm some abuse victim that detaches myself as I sense the abuser coming to visit me. Like I go to some other place, escaping my self, leaving only the meat behind for them to do with as they please. Then it comes and the shock pulls me back. Throws me into the current. The current moment and I'm forced to be present and accounted for. Zigzagging through the routine... and I do nothing to stop it, nothing to help it. Every god damned 4:59. </i>