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You are sat in the corner of a lively tavern. A tankard of ale lies in front of you on the table. A buxom barmaid serves at the bar. A scampily clad toothless woman entertains a group of sailors, sitting on their laps and bouncing up and down.
Your medical bag, full of your "medical instruments" sits by your sie. You take a swig of your ale and look down at your table. Your dominoes sit there, waiting to be played with.
For the last hour your have been trying to see how tall you can construct a domino tower, but this has started to get boring.
"If only I had someone to play dominoes with..." You sigh, feeling ever so lonely.
At that point, the scampily clad toothless woman leaves the bar.
[[Should you follow her?]]
[[Or finish your ale?]]
[[Maybe the barmaid would like to play dominoes with you?]]
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You are Robin of Loxley! And you find yourself in a small 10ft square stone cell awaiting execution for killing the kings deer!
A couple of feet above your head is a [small window]<c4| letting in a shaft of daylight. There is a sturdy oak door here with a porthole, and some [hay]<c2| (click: ?c2)[<span style="color: red;">You find a needle!</span>] which serves as your bed.
(click: ?c4)[The window is barred. Jumping up and down, you can make out a clearing outside, and castle walls in the distance.]
There is also a [bucket]<c5| here. (click: ?c5)[You peer into the bucket! It is filled with a sloppy, dark, brown mess - the result of the poor diet of rotten - maggot ridden apples and muddy water they serve in this establishment!]
[[call for fresh hay!]]
[[call for your bucket to be emptied!]]
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<span class="dropcap">Y</span>ou are young Tommy Fallows, The shoe-shine boy! Best shoe-shine in London, or your money back - guv-nor!
Business is quiet, on account of the rain. You are sat on your patch of mud outside "The Old Cock Inn" Tavern, nibbling on a piece of rotten potato.
You feel like you want to [scratch]<c1| your bottom.
(click: ?c1)[
You scratch your bottom and feel some temporary relief. You have been wearing the same boxer shorts now for 12 weeks, and they have become stiff and uncomfortable. Maybe there is a clean pair somewhere inside the tavern?
As you ponder this, a tall gentleman with a top hat and dark black coat approaches. He is carrying a surgeons bag. His face is obscured with a black wool scarf.
[[Bid the Gentleman good-day!]]
[[Stay zip.]]
]
TOMMY FALLOWS: THE SHOESHINE BOY
Health 50%
Popularity 24%
Personal Assets: 1 Potato
Your [ballroom gown]<c1| is [bright red]<c2| with [silver streaks]<c3|,
and covered in [moonstones]<c4|.
(click: ?c1)[A hand-me-down from your great aunt.]
(click: ?c2)[A garish shade, to your reckoning.]
(click: ?c3)[Only their faint shine keeps them from being seen as grey.]
(click: ?c4)[Dreadfully heavy, they weigh you down and make dancing arduous.]
[Fie and fuggaboo!]<shout|
(click: ?shout)[ (replace: ?shout)["Blast and damnation!"]
|visible>[This hook is visible when the passage loads.]
|cloaked)[This hook is hidden when the passage loads, and needs a macro like `(show:?cloaked)` to reveal it.]
[My commanding officer - a war hero, and a charismatic face for the military.]<sight|
[Privately, I despise the man. His vacuous boosterism makes a mockery of my sacrifices.](thoughts|
<blockquote>"Good Day, Sir - Orrid Weather, and no mistake! Care for a shoe shine? Best prices in London Guv, and no mistake!"</blockquote>
The man stops in his tracks and looks down at you. His eyes catch yours, and you stare into them transfixed. They seem to glow red. A cold shiver runs down your spine.
"Come in out of the rain young man, and join me for a pitcher of ale!" He says.
[[Say yes!]]
[[Say no!]]
The gentleman enters the Inn. You sit there chewing on your rotten potato as the rain pounds down harder.
"Aaaaaa........CHOOOOOO!" You say, sneezing into your hands.
You look at the mess in your palm with interest, then wipe it on your pants.
[[Maybe you should find some shelter?]]
[[... or maybe wait a little longer. The next customer could be just round the corner!]]
You pack up your potato and hit the maze of back-alleyways of Victorian London, looking for somewhere dry to rest your head.*
Gap toothed whores pat you on the head as you pass, laughing at your misery.
"Ello me treasure, fancy a bit of business, loike?"
- if only you could afford a bit of business! You haven't had a bit of business since 1876! And even that was without your consent!
You eventually reach Mrs Muggins' Pie Shop. She has always had a soft spot for waifs and strays such as yourself... Maybe she would let you dry off?
Or... straight across from the pie shop is the Whitechapel morgue. That might offer some respite from the storm?
[[Pie Shop]]
[[Morgue]]
* You are homeless - Not sure if this was explained.You decide to stay sat right where you are (in a puddle). Your rotten potato is nearly all gone, and the rain has changed from a light shore into a storm.
You start to sneeze, and wonder if it's such a good idea to be sat outside in a middle puddle on a day such as this.
[[5 hours later...]]
"Yes, I would be 'appy to join you for a drink, guv'nor and no mistake! Lead the way!"
"Excellent..." The man in black says, rubbing his hands together.
You both enter the [[THE OLD COCK INN.]]
"I tell you no guv-nor! I may be small and smell of 10 day old wet towels and hath no money bout my person. but I hath my pride!"
The stanger opens his medical bag and begins to search for something.
"What you be looking for in that thar bag guv-nor?"
The man pulls out a small blade, and with a precision and speed that your can't help but admire, swiftly and expertly slices open your throat.
You fall back and stare at the stars in the sky, as bubbles of blood squirt out of your neck.
'my cough's gone!' you think to yourself, forever the optimist as you go to your grave.
THE END
[[start again|START]]
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THE OLD COCK INN
There is plenty of hustle and bustle in here, and you are glad to be in out of the cold!
You sit down at a table in the corner while the gentleman orders 2 tankards of ale. A buxom barmaid serves at the bar. A scampily clad toothless woman entertains a group of sailors, sitting on their laps and bouncing up and down.
The Gentleman comes back to the table, carrying the tankards. He puts one down in front of you, then sits by your side and places his hand on your leg.
[["Awful weather we are having, eh guv?|chat]]
[["Any plans to go away this year, guv?|chat]]
You are starting to feel really quite ill now. You are coughing and sneezing at the same time (cougheezing), and you are shaking uncontrollably.
Maybe you should go and see Doctor Swidzinski? He is always open for patients and lives not 2 blocks from here!
[[Go and see Doctor Swidzinski]]
[[Roll around in the puddle. Maybe that will help]]In one of the rougher areas of Whitechapel, down a dark alley, behind a creaky wooden door, lives and works Doctor Adrian Swidzinski (his surname can be spelt in a variety of different ways - so if it's not always spelt the same, it's fine.) - Doctor of medicine and grave robber.
You knock on the wooden door.
"Come in, come in!" The voice beckons.
You walk in, and there he stands, Doctor Swidzinski!
"What can I do for you, boy?" He asks.
[[CONTINUE]]
You roll around in the muddle puddle, getting wetter and wetter and sicker and sicker.
You head begins to swim. You are coughing harder and harder, until....
whoops!
You have coughed out [something]<c1| into your hand...?
(click: ?c1)[Heavens to Betsy! It's your lungs! Both of them, like two little brown jellyfish! Flopping around like nobodies business!
"That can't be good, and no mistake!" You say, as you slump into the puddle. Just another dead shoe-shine boy.]
THE END
[[start again|START]]
"I seems to be sniffling and sneezing and snifflizzing!" You tell him.
Dr Swidzinski stops what he's doing (dissecting the testicales of a long dead cadaver)... put's down his sandwich, and picks up his stethascope.
"Lift up your shirt!" He instructs.
After giving you a once-over, he scribbles something down on a piece of paper and hands in to you.
"Take my advice - follow these instructions to the letter every evening without fail! Starting today!"
He hands you the [note]<c1|.
[[Follow Dr Swidzinsksis Instructions.]]
[[Disobey Dr Swidsinskee.]]
(click: ?c1)[Every night go down to the river Thames, remove all clothes and swim ten lengths in the dark, stank water. After which, do not replace you clothing but sit on the river bank and shiver all the germs away! Do this once a night for the next 2 weeks and all germs will eventually be 'shivered away'. Guaranteed.]You leave the office of Dr Swidzinskisks and head on down to the Thames. The moonlight is reflecting of the water and looks quite beautiful.
You take off your stinking clothes and take a moment to enjoy the cool air tenderly caressing your young pink skin. And then, in you go! You do a belly flop into the murky Thames water.
It stinks. A turd floats past your face.
You decide to do the backstroke.
"This isn't so bad!" You think to yourself, looking up at the silvery moon.
Suddenly, a wet tentacle grabs your ankle.
"Bloomin heck!" You say, as something of unimaginable strength pulls you under the water.
As you struggle for breath, and dragged deep underneath the putrid dank water, your last thoughts are...
'The legends are true! Ollie the Octopus is real.'
And so it was thus. Ollie the Octupus has taken you to his underground lair to be his oily inky love pet for all eternity. At least until your air runs out in any case.
THE END
[[start again|START]]When you get outside the office of Dr Swidzanskoo you stare at the note in your hands.
"He must be stark raving mad!" You think, ripping up the note.
You decide to take in the city lights, and walk around the east end, giving a cheerful "hello there!" to all the good people you meet, then coughing blood all over their fine clothes.
You soon collapse into a filthy pathetic heap on the corner of Cooch Street. Even your cough, once strong and proud, is now no more than a pathetic mew. A kindly gentleman approaches you, all dressed in black with a black top hat and carrying a medical bag.
"You look none too well by lad! I be off to the Old Cock Inn, join me there for a yard of ale and a hearty discourse on matters at hand!"
[[Say yes!]]
[[Say no!]]Ah, the morgue. You stand there in the doorway, your hands on your hips, letting the stale putrid air fill your lungs.
There's nothing quite like an evening in the morgue to relax after a hard day's labor.
The morgue however has seen better days. Due to government budget cuts there are no tables, so the bodies are all lying on the floor. Some have been swept into the corner, and are stacked neatly beside a broom.
You kneel beside your favorite corpse, Mr Robinson. Mr Robinson has seen better days.. he's been dead about 2 weeks now.
"How are you today Mr Robinson?" You ask him.
Mr Robinson doesn't reply.
"I shall be sorry when they eventually bury you Mr Robinson. I shall have no one to talk to."
Mr Robinson doesn't reply.
"I fear with nobody to talk to - I may even start to lose my mind!"
Suddenly, you realise you are not alone! There is someone in the room with you, [[hiding in the shadows...]]You open the door of the Pie Shop and make your entrance.
Mrs Muggins is behind the counter, making sure her pies are in order.
"Tommy Boy!" She greets you, "How you doing m8? Haven't seen you since you left the Whitechapel 5-a-side indoor bowls team!"
As she says this, her hand goes to her mouth in horror, as if she had said something she shouldn't.
You are confused. "Mrs Muggins - you were never on my 5 a side indoor bowls team.... hang on a minute? I know that face! Dave! Dave Crowe! What are you doing in women's clothes? And why are you calling yourself Mrs Muggins?"
Mrs Muggins looks at the ground.
"Aye - it is true. You have discovered my dark secret. This is what I like to do in the evenings. Dress up in drag and sell pies. So what?"
[["There's nothing wrong with that, Dave - I mean Mrs Muggins"]]
[["I shall take my pie business elsewhere! I know not what else your pastry kneeding mits have kneeded!"]]
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You begin to speak, but the gentleman puts his finger on your lips.
"Shhhh...." He says, "A good looking young man like you shouldn't be sat in the rain chewing on rotten potatoes. Tell me, have you ever thought about a career in medicine?"
You begin to answer but the gentleman carries on speaking... His hands feel your biceps.
"It just so happens I am in the market for an assistant. Someone to carry my bag, pass me my tools, mop up... things. I can pay you one crown a week. What do you say, boy. Come on.. speak up?"
[[Take the Job]]
[[Refuse the Job]]
"I would be honoured Guv! When can I start?"
"Good news! We can start right now! Drink up and follow me!"
You both knock back your beers and leave the Inn. You struggle to keep up with the gentleman, darting through the back alleys silently but quickly, like a panther!
You eventually come to a stop outside a dark door in one of Whitechapels dirtiest alleyways. The stench of excrement is overpowering here. In the distance somewhere, a woman wails.
The gentleman opens the door and bids you to [[follow him inside...|inside]]You politely refuse the job. You explain that while things might be a bit slow in the shoe-polishing sector at the moment, you do however predict a bright future.
"I'm very sorry to hear that!" The gentleman says, pulling a small pill from his pocket and dropping it in your drink.
"What's that?" You ask, watching the ale go all fizzy.
"It's nothing bad, it's nice.. taste it!"
You take a swig from your fizzy ale.
Suddenly your skin begins to darken and you start to vomit. You begin to get agonising abdominal pain, somthing called encephalopathy, and a sudden bout of watery diarrhea that contains blood.
"Oy - you can take all that tom-foolery outside right now!" The bar wench says, leaning over the counter and shaking her finger.
You stumble out into the gutter, gasping for breath. You collapse and stare at the stars.
"I think I'll lay off the ale for a bit..." You stammer, as you die in agony.
THE END
You both climb some dark stairs and enter another door at the top of the landing. It is pitch black, and the darkness envelops you.
Somewhere in the room you think you can make out the sounds of a strange mumbling...
"Hold on, I'll get the light..." The gentleman says from somewhere in the room.
Moments later, the light from a match brightens the room and your new employer lights up a gas lamp in his hand.
And there you see it... [[lying on a bed at the end of the room|woman]], underneath a boarded up window....A woman lies bound and gagged on the bed, a look of pure abject terror in her eyes. She sees you and her eyes plead with you for help. The gentleman walks over to her and she starts to struggle against her bindings, trying to scream but making only pitfil mumbling sounds because of the gag.
The gentleman reaches into his pocket and pulls out a syringe, which he proceeds to inject into the arm of the terrified woman. Her head starts to loll and in an instant is unconscious.
"Right - time to start earning your wage my boy!" The gentleman says. "Over there in my black surgeons bag.. I want you to open it and pass me the hacksaw."
[[Refuse!|wormhole]]
[[Pass him the Hacksaw|ben windle]]
[[Run Away|wormhole]]
You hesistate for a moment, spluttering something incoherant when....
suddenly(click-append: "suddenly")[ and without warning](click-append: "warning")[ and totally unexpected...](click-append: "unexpected...")[ the room is engulfed in a blinding orange light.](click-append: "orange light.")[
As your eyes adjust to the sudden brighness, you can make out a orangey/reddish orb in the centre of the room which seems to be sucking the contents of the room into it's centre.
You grasp for something to hold on to as a strange unknown force seems to suck you into it's orange centre.
The light gets brighter and brighter until you can stand it no longer and shield your eyes from the blinding glow. And with a final "suck" you get swept into the centre and everything goes [[black...|clearing]]]
You awake to find yourself in a clearing surrounded by trees. The rain has stopped - in fact the sun is out and warm. The grass is green - the birds are singing.
"Where am I?" You ask yourself.
"Where are we??" Comes a voice by your side. It is Jack, whatever magic brought your here - brought him too!
"I don't know!" You say, picking yourself up and dusting off your trousers. You check your pockets. "Damn! I lost my rotten potato!"
"....And i've lost my medical bag!" Jack says, distraught. "That had my skull cutter and nostril whisk in it."
[[Continue to Part II]]
<img src="http://www.cayennepepperdesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/robinHood_jackripper.jpg" width="400px">
<img[images/robin.png]]
OBJECTIVES:
Tom's objectives - find the wormhole.
Jack's objectives - 1. find his lost medical bag 2. Find Robin Hood and free him from the Sherrif's castle
Robin's objectives - figure it out as you go along
"Certainly guv-nor!" You say, obligingly passing Jack the hacksaw.
"To work!" Jack says, and sets about sawing the woman in half.
You watch, up close admiring his work. A thought hits you.
"How many pieces can a body be cut into?" You ask Jack.
Jack pauses and scratches his chin, pondering your answer.
"A good question Tommy! 28 bits is my record! Let's see if we can beat it shall we?"
Suddenly, a knock on the door! You both stand deathly still, waiting... and listening...
"Maureen!" Comes a voice from the other side, "This is Ben! Ben Windle-Sop, your landlord and part time lover! You owe me 6 weeks rent!"
"What shall we do??" Jack whispers, looking at you for direction...
[[Open the door!|ben death]]
[[Be quiet and perhaps he'll go away|ben escapes]]
"Let's let him in!" You suggest.
"An excellent notion!" Jack says, "Let the poor bugger in so he can recieve the awakening of his feverished soul!"
You don't quite understand what Jack means by that, but never-the-less, you open the door, and there stands a young man. He is bit scrawny round the shoulders, his hair is a bit of a mess, it looks like he has made a half-hearted attempt at growing a beard, and there is the curious whiff of weed about his person, but he seems amiable enough.
"Who be you?" He says, "You're not Maureen!"
"Catch Tom!" Jack says, tossing you a butchers knife.
"Now just what is going on in here! I demand an explan...." Ben begins, as you plunge the knife right between his two lower ribs, dragging the knife up, through the bone of his sternum, then through his collarbone, then actually up his neck, then somehow up through his jawbone, then right around his mouth - under his nose - then back down through his jaw and down the other side of his neck.
Then you pull the knife out and stab him repeatedly and rapidly, about ten times, in his windpipe.
Ben staggers back, coughing up a lungful of blood and staring at you with bulging eyes.
"Why....." He splutters.
"Good job Tom! You can close the door now, you're letting in a draft!"
You close the door, leaving Ben bleeding out in a corner of the hallway. You turn around, and notice that Jack has taken off his trousers.
"Now for the second part of your induction!" He says.
[["Now hang on just a minute"!|wormhole]]
You both stand dead still, hardly breathing.
"Maureen! I said this is Ben Windle-Sop! Answer me please!"
....
"Maureen? Are you there?"
...
"Ok Maureen, I'm going now.."
...
You both wait for another anxiety-ridden few minutes, until you are both satisfied that Ben Windle-Sop has gone.
"That was close Jack!" You say.
"Right boy!" Jack says, "Are you ready to finally become a man?"
"I am!"
"Good! Go ahead and make love to the corpse then!"
You look down at Maureen. She has been cut into 30 pieces.
"But Jack, I wouldn't know where to begin!"
Jack puts his hacksaw up against your throat.
"I said... make love to her."
[[Refuse!|wormhole]]
[[Run Away|wormhole]]
[[Fill your boots|wormhole]]You give Dave/Mrs Muggins your full support, and even go as far as going behind the counter to put a hand on his/her shoulder.
"Thank you Tom, sometimes my lifestyle can be a bit... confusing.. to some people."
"Mrs Muggins, if you want to sell pies, and are comfortable selling pies, let nobody tell you that you can't!"
Mrs Muggins thinks for a moment, and then says..
"Come with me Tom, behind this red curtain behind the counter."
[[In for a penny, in for a pound...]]
You tell Dave/Mrs Muggins exactly what you think of her cross-dressing pie-selling enterprise.
As you stand there, waggling your finger, two great big hulking brutes enter the store behind you.
"This little BASTARD giving you grief, Muggins Maaam?" One of the brutes says, grabbing Tom by the collar and lifting him up off the ground.
Mrs Muggins grins.
"He is, as a matter of fact! He's saying he don't like pies."
One of the brutes gasps.
"You don't like pies eh? We shall see about that!"
The brute grabs one of the pies from the display window (the biggest one he can find).
"What do you think you're going to do with that?" you ask, as the brutes bend you over the counter and rip off your breeches.
"BANANARAMA!" You screech as the brute with the pie forces it up your rectum.
"How do you feel about pies now, my flower?" Mrs Muggins says, in a mocking tone of voice.
You waddle outside. Every step is painfull. You don't much feel like an adventure any more. You just want to be alone.
THE END
[[start again|START]]Mrs Muggins leads you through a velvet red curtain, behind which is a staircase leading downwards.
At the bottom of the staircase is a metal door. Mrs Muggins holds it open for you and pass through it into a darkened room.
Inside, are a bunch of figures in hooded red garbs, gathered around a stone slab. Candles are stationed on divets in each of the 4 stone walls. The men are chanting.
Mrs Muggins closes the metal door behind you both.
"At last, I have found the one we seek." Mrs Muggins says to the group.
One of the hooded men, (the tallest so obviously the leader) walks up to you. His face his hidden by his hood. With one hand he feels the contours of your chest, while his other feels in between your legs.
"Ei... watch it guv'nor... thems me family jewells!"
The robed fella ignores you and turns to Mrs Muggins.
"This.. this 'boy'... he is pre-transference?" The man asks.
"Yes luv.." Mrs Muggins replies, "He is yet to have the honor."
The robed man turns to his hooded colleagues.
"Take him to the transference-table!" He says.
[[CONTINUE|Slab]]
You scream and shout until the bolts of the cell door are drawn back, and a great big hulking lunatic stands in the doorway, staring at you with fire in his eyes.
"WHAT?" He demands.
"Fresh hay, my good man!" You reply, "On the double!"
Instead of suppling you with fresh hay, the brute kicks you in the groin, hits you on the head with a club, and spits in your face before leaving.
Guess he can kiss goodbye to his tip!
[[continue|Robin Hood]]
"Housekeep!" You cry, "Housekeep!"
The bolt slides back, and in walks a large, ginger, beast of a man. Slobber falls from his lips, and there is a small scar on his large balding head which would suggest he has had some work done on his brain.
"Ah there you are!" You say, "I wish my toilet-bucket to be emptied forthwith!"
With a large hairy hand, he slaps you across the face, knocking you against the wall. He picks up the bucket and tips it over you head, covering you a thick brown mix of excrement and wee which is days old.
With a grunt, he turns on his heels and exits, locking the door behind him.
You feel your stomach growl. It's been days since your last meal!
[[call for food]]
[[eat the hay]]"Room service!" You cry "Room service!"
The big fella opens the door again. This time he is carrying an axe.
"I've had just about enough of your demands!" He says, "What do you think this is - a hotel?"
He lifts the axe above his head, and with one cruel swing, chops your head clean off your shoulders.
Your head whizzes up in the air, bounces off the roof of the cell and lands in the (thank heaven for small mercies) recently emptied bucket.
THE ENDYou start to stuff the hay into your mouth. It's not the nicest hay you0ve ever tasted, but certainly not the worst.
You wish you had some water.
After eating half the hay, you notice the stone slab beneath is loose!
[[pull the slab]]
[[call for the guard and tell him there is a loose slab in your cell]]
Pulling the stone slab free reveals a tunnel!
Without a moments thought, you climb down into the tunnel and make your way through the dark passage.
"This must be the tightest, darkest passage I have ever entered!" You say to yourself, "I hope I shall soon withdraw from it and find myself satisfied!"
You crawl along the dark passage for what seems like forever, the passage getting tighter, and tighter and tighter.
"This passage is getting too tight, even for me! But, behold, the walls of the passage feel moist this end! The further I go, the moister the passage becomes! The moisture on the walls is acting like a lubricant, allowing me to slide through the passage more easily!"
Sliding through the passage, you get the impression of ascending upwards. A few moments later you are actually climbing vertically.
"At last! I must be coming to the end of the passage! Behold, is that a shaft of light I see before me?"
Above your head is a small hole. Peeping your head out of the passage, you look around. You appear to be in small latrine. A man is stood above you, facing the other way. He seems to be struggling with his belt buckle. Finally, his pantaloons were released, baring a pink and plump bottom. Ducking your head back inside the package in the nick of time, the man sits over the hole and begins to go about his [[business.|whoops]]
"Guard! Guard!" You call.
Moments later, the deadbolts are drawn back, the door opened and the disgruntled guard enters your cell.
"For God's sake ... what is it now Robin?"
"There is a loose slab in this cell! I almost tripped! Heaven's above - who is running this dungeon? I must say sir, the standards are way, way below what I would expect from an establisment such as this."
The guard starts to get angry.
"I've had just about enough of this. I don't get paid enough.
You quickly pick up your dominoes, and leaving your tankard of ale unfinished, follow the buxom woman out of the bar.
The evening is fresh, you take a deep breath, sucking the cold air inside your lungs.
A small shoeshine boy sits in the gutter. You saw him on the way in and ignored him. He is chewing on a rotten potato. He is a filthy, smelly boy, quite disgusting actually, but something about his manner pleases you. Maybe he could be taught to be... your apprentice?
But, you are wasting time with your thoughts! The buxom lady is already in the distance and she gets away!
[[Follow Buxom Lady]]
[[Speak to the shoe shine boy]]
Double-click this passage to edit it."Bar-wench! Be you fearless enough to challenge me in a game of Dominoes?" You ask.
She looks at you with pity in her eyes.
"Jack, Jack. When ya gonna learn, babe? Aint nobody interested in playin' dominoes wiv ya luv. You freak people out - yer a bit.... odd lad."
You look down at your feet, ashamed.
Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it."POLICE! POLICE!" You cry.
One of the bow street runners comes running up to you.
"Yes lad? What is it?"
"There's a man inside wearing women's clothes. His name is Dave Crowe."
"Ah... one of them is he?" The policeman says. He takes a whistle from his belt and gives 3 long blasts.
In moments, a whole batallion of bow street runners surround the pie shop.
"Seems we have 'one of them' inside!" The bow street runner says to his colleagues.
The police look at each other, each one with a face full of disgust.
"One of them. In our neighborhood? Not on my watch!" One of them says.
With one more blast of the whistle, all of them charge into the pie shop waving their batons in the air.
Go back to [["The Old Cock Inn"]]Before you can object, the hooded men all grab you and hold you down on the stone slab in the centre of the room.
One of the men unbuckles your belt and pulls down your breeches.
"Now hold on a minute you rapscallions!" You object.
The leader of the men stands in front of the slab, holding a sacred book. He is mumbling some sort of prayer whilst Mrs Muggins holds your privates and another of the men approaches you holding a sythe.
"What.... What do you intend doing with that?? Get away from me!!!"
"Sssshhh dear.." Mrs Muggins said, "There's nothing to worry about. This is what you wanted after all."
"What I wanted?? Are you mad??"
"Tom Tom Tom... you were so very understanding of my 'hobby'... I could read between the lines."
"No!!! You've got it wrong! I don't want....."
Too late was the cry! The man with the sythe swung it up in the air, and with one smooth motion, chops at your privates, detaching them the rest of your body.
The hooded men all cheer as you pass out.
"He is one of us now! Bring him the holy red lingerie!!" Mrs Muggins squeals with delight.
As Mrs Muggins and the hooded gentleman leave the stone room to pick you out some nice holy red lingerie.. you are left on the stone slab, unconcious and in urgent need of stitches.
THE END
[[start again|START]]
After being sucked off ( into a weird blue blob ) - you awake to find yourself in a woody clearing. The sun is shining and the birds are singing.
Somewhere along the way you lost your medical bag - you must find it! Without it you won't be able to *kill any prostitutes at all!* - and that, obviously, just won't do at all.
As you try and get your bearings, your attention is drawn to a young boy, unconcious on the ground. It is Tom - the shoe shine boy, who was standing in front of you when you were sucked off.
What should you do? Obviously without your medical bag you won't be able to cut out his spleen, but you could always resort to using your hands and strangle him instead?
[[Strangle Tom]]
[[Let him live - he may be of use]]You creep over to the snoring, unconscious body of Tom and straddle him.
Putting his hands round his neck you say a silent prayer.
"Sorry Tom, lad - you were the best shoe shine boy in the business and I shall miss your mindless mutterings...."
With no more effort than is required to pull a leg off a daddy long legs, you snap Tom the shoe shine boy's neck.
You don't have time to bury him, but you find a handfull of twigs and throw those on top of Tom's body.
"Now... I have got to find my medical bag!" You say to yourself, as you wander through the wood....
[[CONTINUE|just jack]] "Wake up!" You shout, slapping Tom across the face.
"Where am I??" Tom mumbles, staring to come around, "Where's my potato?"
"Forget about your potato! I don't know what's happened - but we've got to find my medical bag and get back to Whitechapel ASAP!"
Tom stands up.
"Ok Master - I'm ready! Which way should we go? I can hear sounds of a fast flowing stream to the East, but there seems to be a rocky path leading through the trees to the West. I am at your command Mr Ripper!"
What's it to be, Jack?
[[East]]
[[West]]
You walk through the wood and soon find yourselves at the side of a fast flowing stream. Fishes with smiles on their faces jump in and out of the water, as the bright sun makes rainbow colored ripples on the surface.
Tis truly an Eden you have found!
"You fool Tom! You said to go East and yet I see no sign of my Medical bag? I suppose you have no idea how important it is to find my bag? Without it the world will soon be over-run with prostitutes! Do you want that Tom, do you?"
Tom scratches his head.
"Gur, I don't know Jack!"
"You're a fool Tom! I don't suppose you have any food? I'm starving!"
"No - I've lost the only potato I had. Maybe we could try and find that..."
"Shut up! Look - over yonder! A deer grazing over the other side of the stream! A fine meal he would make! How shall we kill it?"
[[Launch a rock at the deer]]
[[Send Tom to snap the deer's neck]]
You sniff the air...
"I think I can smell my medical bag... we go West!" You say.
"Right behind you chief!" Tom says, keen as mustard.
You hike through the lovely woods, stopping every now and again to check a nearby bush or ditch for your medical bag. But to no avail.
Suddenly, you hear the beautiful sound of a woman's voice singing. Peering through the trees you see the most dazzling woman you have ever seen in your life, sitting on a tree stump and strumming something with her fingers.
"Tell me, brother Tom. What be that thing there which that fair maiden be strumming? Watching her sitting there alone, strumming with her fine long fingers makes me feel all a quiver!"
"I think that's called a harp, Mr Ripper!"
"Ah, a lovely sound it makes too Tom. She's a fine woman. It will be a shame for her to grow old and withered. Thank the good Lord I am here to preserve her beauty for all eternity!"
"Thank goodness you are here Mr Ripper!" Tom replies, "Hang on - what?"
[[Save the woman's beauty for all eternity]]
[[Introduce yourself]]
You pick up a rock which is conveniently lying at your feet, and throw it at the deer. It misses by a mile, and the deer trots off.
"Quick Tom! Run after it!"
You both run after the deer, arriving at a small wooden glen. In the centre of the glen sits a beautiful woman, playing a harp. You both crouch down in the bushes, and watch her play.
"Cor, she's a bit of all right, and no mistake guv'nor!" Tom says.
"She is certainly a beautiful young lady. Do you think she might be a prostitute?"
"I'm sure I don't know, why don't you [[Introduce yourself]] and find out? He suggests, helpfully.
"Here's the plan..." You say.
"I'm listening boss.."
"Very carefully cross the stream, and when you are close enough jump on the deers back and snap his neck. Ha ha - we shall eat like kings tonight! I've always been parshal to a bit of venison!"
"Anything you say boss!"
You watch as Tom folds up his breeches to above his knees and starts to wave through the fast flowing stream. Unfortunately, in a matter of seconds the force of the fast flowing currents knock Tom totally off balance, making him topple over and (with a mighty crack which echoes through the forest) hit his head on a rock. The noise of the wallop alerts the deer, who races off into the woods.
"You fool!!!" Jack screams, watching the deer race away, as the bashed in body of Tom floats downstream to an uncertain destination...
[[continue|just jack]]
Walking through the woods, searching in vain for your medicine bag, you began to feel the first pangs of hunger.
"I can't go on like this..." You mutter to yourself, "I haven't eaten since brunch... whatever have I done to deserve this??"
You soon come to a clearing, wherein lies a bush, full of lucious berries of different colors.
"I'm saved!" You cheer!
[[Eat the Blue Berries]]
[[Eat the Pink Berries]]
[[Eat the suspicious looking mushroom]]You carefully select only the blueberries, and have yourself a very merry feast indeed!
After 45 minutes, you lie on your back, enjoying the sun's rays.
"That was a merry feast. Indeed!" You say to yourself.
As you begin to drift off to sleep, you feel the sharp blade of a dagger at your throat. Opening your eyes, you see a large fat gentleman standing over you.
"Who are you??" The man demands, "State your business!"
[["I am Jack the Ripper! The scourge of Whitechapel!"]]
[["Sod off!"]]You spend the next 30 minutes gorging on these strange pink berries - until,finally, your stomach is full and you can gorge no more!
Satisfied, you sit on a tree stump and reflect on the day's events.
You chuckle to yourself, "It certainly has been quite the day! But I must concentrate now - it is imperitive I find my medical bag!"
"I know where your medical bag is!" Comes a voice from behind you.
Startled, you spin around to see who spoke, and behold - standing not 10 feet away - is Tom! Alive!
But he looks different - he is dressed all in white, and has a shimmery glow about his person.
"Tom? Tom the shoe shine boy? Is that you?"
"It is I Tom - but not as you once knew me. For I am no longer Tom the Shoe Shine Boy. For thanks to you dear friend, I have been released from the confines of your earthly realm. I exist on a different plane - forever to roam this woody dell. You may know me as Tom. Tom the Tree Spirit."
You pick up onme of the pink berries and examine it more closely. Something a bit funky about those berries!
"Tell me Tom, oh wise Tree Sprit. You speak of my medical bag. Doth one know how one may find it?"
"One doth do know Jack. Follow me, and like the good shepherd, I shall herd you towards it."
[[continue|the tree spirits]]You swallow the suspicious looking mushroom.
"Ah a grand meal twas that!" You say, rubbing your stomach.
Finding a fellen tree to sit on, you take off your boots and start to rub your toes.
All of a sudden, a little pink elf walks up to you.
"Ciao bello!" The little pink elf greets you.
"Hello!" You reply, suprised - and who may you be?"
"My-a name-a is Elfondo! Wouldda you a-like a-dance?"
Elfondo the little pink elf holds out his hand, and taking it you start to dance.
It is a beautiful scene. You and Elfondo, dancing cheek to cheek amongst in the middle of the glade. The birds sing their merry song. You suddenly feel a strange sense of romance. And real romance - the romance they speak about it poetry which doesn't end with ripping apart your partner's digestive system with medical implements.
"May I.. be so bold... as to offer you a little... kiss?" You ask Elfondo.
You plant a little kiss on Elfondo's cheek.
Suddenly, the whole world turns a dark, dangerous purple.
Elfondo makes a horrible screeching sound. His eyes bulge and explode all over your suit. Blind, he runs around in a circle, before desperately clawing at the soil with his hands. Once he has dug a small hole large enough for his head, and with a final cough, he puts his head in the hole and dies.
"What have I done!" You ask yourself, "I have lost the only elf I ever loved."
Inconsolable, you take yourself to the river, and hold your head under the fast flowing current till you breath no more.
THE END
[[start again|START]]<audio autoplay>
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You are in the Old Cock Inn. The place is a hustling and bustling.
You walk up to the buxom barmaid.
"Excuse me, but would you take a potato in return for a small tankard of ale?"
The buxom barmaid laughs, and the other patrons at the bar join in. Soon the whole Inn is mocking you.
You are about to leave when a kindly gentleman, dressed in black and carrying a medical bag, walks up to you.
"I'd be happy to buy you a drink young sir. Come and join me at my table..."
[[chat]]
"Medical bag or no medical bag - adapt and adopt! Watch and learn Tom... watch and learn!" You say, leading Jack by the hand.
"Here we go again!" Tom says, shaking his head.
You both walk into the clearing. The woman stops strumming and greets you both.
"I was not aware I had company! But praise be, I am glad! For it is so lonesome to strum by ones self. My fingers doth tire!"
You walk up to a tree and snap off a sharp stick. Holding it aloft you approach the girl.
"What be you do sire? No no no! You intendeth to do naughtyness to me? Sire, I beseech you not!"
You stab the girl in the side of the neck.
"Are you watching Tom?" You ask, "Adapt and adopt! What piece of her would you like to take home?"
Tom sighs. "You are a rascal Jack... A rascal!"
[[continue]]
"My Queen!" You say, jumping from the bushes.
"Eek!" The lady says, throwing her harp in the air with much surprise.
"Forgive the intrusion, but we were passing through the undergrowth and heard your enchanting singing.. what, pray, be thy song?"
"It is something my beloved wrote for me, it is called "May your jugs be large and full of milk.."
"You have a beloved?"
"Yes...but...." A tear drops down the ladies cheek..
"But he is lost forever... thrown into the deepest darkest castle dungeons by the evil sheriff to rot for all eternity! Curse his britches!"
You lean over to faithful Tom and whisper in his ear.
"I like this broad. Only thing is... do i slice her up now.. or save her beloved from the dungeons, win her favor, sleep with her - and then slice her up? What should I do??"
[[slice her up now, good and proper|Save the woman's beauty for all eternity]]
[[win her favor, then slice her up (good and proper)]]
Suddenly, a hundred men seem to leap from the trees! They are all dressed in green and carry bow and arrows.
They surround the body of the girl, and several of the men start to weep.
A large, heavily built man walks up to you.
"She's dead John." One of the men say to the big man.
John's face turns red with anger.
"You've killed Maid Marian!" He growls.
"Yes but.."
He grabs you by the neck and repeats "You killed Maid Marian!"
With incredible power he snaps your neck like a twig, and drops your lifeless body to the earth.
"I didn't know him! I had nothing to do with it! I only ever wanted to be a pastry chef!" Tom screams, seconds before a thousand arrows pierce his little fragile frame.
THE END
[[start again|START]]"Worry not, fair maiden! For I, Jack T Ripper be at thy humble servitude!" You take your hat off and bow before her.
"Pssstt.. Tom.. you're not bowing!!"
Tom removes his little cap and bows as well. "Tom Fallows maam. Tis' a pleasure!"
"Im honoured to make your acquaintances!!" The lady says, "My name is Marian. And I am a maid."
She stretches out her hand and you place a small kiss on her fingers.
"What fine fingers you have Maid Marian, they will look great in my hands knees and toes collection!"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Err. Your fingers my lady. They look so great and tanned they could be Mexican?"
"Oh yes. Thank you! So are you willing to help me save my beloved from the Evil Sheriff of Nottingham?"
"Yes of course, let's get started! Not a moment to lose!"
[[continue|THE PLAN]]At that moment, four men come out of the bushes. One of them is very large and fierce, with a brown beard. Another is small, very fat and is wearing a friars outfit. The other two are fairly non-descript but are dressed in green and carrying bow and arrows.
"Jack, please let me introduce my friends. The big angry one is Little John, the friar is Tuck, and these two here and Merry Men. Friends, this is Jack T Ripper, and his faithful companion Tom."
Everyone walks around, shaking everyone's hand and being very nice.
"Thanks for offering to help!" Little John says, "I have a plan as it happens!"
"So do I!" Friar Tuck cuts in.
"Shut up, and Let me tell him my plan! My plan is this - we wait for nightfall, dress up as prostitutes, and try and gain entry into the castle walls by offering our services to the guardsmen. Once inside the castle walls, we kill everyone, rescue Robin - and escape out the back."
Friar Tuck laughs. "What a ridiculous plan! Really, John!"
"Well, do you have a better one Tuck?" John says, disgruntled.
"Indeed I do! We wait for nightfall, dress up as prostitutes, and gain entry into the castle by offering our services to the guardsmen. Once inside the castle walls, we find the Sherriff of Nottingham's bed chamber, offer him our services, kill him, steal his dungeon keys, rescue Robin - and escape out the back!"
Little John shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
Maid Marian looks at you. So the choice is yours Jack, which plan do you like the best?
[[Go with Little John's Plan]]
[[Go with Friar Tuck's Plan]]"Sod off!"
"What did you say?"
"I said Sod off!"
"Nobody talks to Little John like that. Prepare to have your throat slit mate!"
"Unhand him!"
"Who said that?"
"It is I, Tom the Tree spirit!"
"Oh cripes - I've heard about you tree spirits! I'm off!"
The man drops his knife and runs off into the woods.
[[continue|treespirit]]
"Little John's plan makes a lot more sense." You say.
Little John slaps Friar Tuck on the back and lets out a bellowing laugh.
"Ha ha ha! This fellow know's a good plan when he hears it!"
<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 21px;">Later that night...</p>
Dressed in wigs and suspenders, your faces all masked with rouge, Your good self, Tom, Marian, Friar Tuck, Little John, and the Merry Men ride up in a hay cart to the castle walls.
Two guardsmen are standing watch.
You jump down from the hay cart, and pull up your skirt a bit, just enough to show a bit of ankle.
"Hello Boys!" You say, doing your best to pout.
"Cor! Have a gander at that Burt!" One of the guardsmen say's, nudging his colleague in the ribs.
"Say! How's about we shows you boys a good time?"
"A good time you say? How much is it gonna cost us? I might as well warn you - we likes it a bit rough, do Burt and me!"
"It's not going to cost much at all - just entry inside the castle. And you can be as rough as you like!"
"You got a deal, lady! Come and join us inside our guard hut. It's a bit pokey, but leastways we'll be snug!"
"It's not me you'll be doing business with boys, it's one of my fine young girls! Coo-ee, Tammy - come down from that cart! These boys wish to make your acquaintance!
Tom jumped down from the cart. He had a little blonde wig on and his mouth was smeared with lipstick. A pretty red bow was wrapped round a gorgeous yellow dress. His face betrayed a small amount of discomfort.
"Cor! Look at that small little mouth!" Burt said, "Oooo - the things running through my foughts right now!"
"I'm not sure about this, Jack!" Tom whimpered.
"It'll be fine Tom, don't let me down. Just close your eyes, grip your ankles and think of poor old Robin Hood locked away in that castle!"
The two guardsmen took Tom into the guards house, and the gates to the castle walls slowly began to open!
[[continue|inside the castle]]
"Friar Tuck's plan makes a lot more sense." You say.
Friar Tuck slaps Little John on the back and lets out a bellowing laugh.
"Ha ha ha! This fellow know's a good plan when he hears it!"
<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 21px;">Later that night...</p>
Dressed in wigs and suspenders, your faces all masked with rouge, Your good self, Tom, Marian, Friar Tuck, Little John, and the Merry Men ride up in a hay cart to the castle walls.
Two guardsmen are standing watch.
You jump down from the hay cart, and pull up your skirt a bit, just enough to show a bit of ankle.
"Hello Boys!" You say, doing your best to pout.
"Cor! Have a gander at that Burt!" One of the guardsmen say's, nudging his colleague in the ribs.
"Say! How's about we shows you boys a good time?"
"A good time you say? How much is it gonna cost us? I might as well warn you - we likes it a bit rough, do Burt and me!"
"It's not going to cost much at all - just entry inside the castle. And you can be as rough as you like!"
"You got a deal, lady! Come and join us inside our guard hut. It's a bit pokey, but leastways we'll be snug!"
"It's not me you'll be doing business with boys, it's one of my fine young girls! Coo-ee, Tammy - come down from that cart! These boys wish to make your acquaintance!
Tom jumped down from the cart. He had a little blonde wig on and his mouth was smeared with lipstick. A pretty red bow was wrapped round a gorgeous yellow dress. His face betrayed a small amount of discomfort.
"Cor! Look at that small little mouth!" Burt said, "Oooo - the things running through my foughts right now!"
"I'm not sure about this, Jack!" Tom whimpered.
"It'll be fine Tom, don't let me down. Just close your eyes, grip your ankles and think of poor old Robin Hood locked away in that castle!"
The two guardsmen took Tom into the guards house, and the gates to the castle walls slowly began to open!
[[continue|inside the castle]]
Inside the castle walls was a large courtyard. It was practically empty now, everyone had most probably gone to bed. It was well after 11.
A drunken peasant lay facedown in a pool of mud muttering to himself, still clutching a half empty bottle of snozzleberry whiskey. (That's what they drank in them days.)
Jack walked up to the drunket sot and gave him a good solid kick in the ribs.
"Hey! Waz---waz---waz-a you want (hic!)" He muttered, trying to open one of his eyelids.
"On your feet man! Where is the sherrif of Nottingham's bed chamber?"
"(hic!) Hey... you're... you're gorgeous! Give us a kiss (hic!)"
"You may have a kiss when, and only when you take me to the sherrif's sleeping quarters. Me and him have business!"
"Dat Sherrif has all the luck (hic).. but a kiss is a kiss, now follow me this way, and I'll show you where 'e is!"
[[Follow the drunk]]With Marian, John, Tuck and the Merry Men following close behind, the drunked oaf leads you through the courtyard, through a cast iron gate, into a small wooden door, up a winding stone staircase, and down a dimly lit hallway. At the end of the hallway was two doors.
A blue one and a red one.
"(hic!), now... The sherrif lives in one of these two doors. But for the life of me I can'ts remember which one it tis! (hic!) Now 'ow's about that kiss then?"
As the peasent leans in towards you, you take a good firm grasp of a handful of his hair. Then in one clean motion, you pull his neck back, snapping it like a twig. The poor man drops to the floor, dead before he hits the ground.
Marian taps you on the shoulder.
"Jack, that's not really how we do things round here. We try and help the poor as much as we can. We rob from the rich and give to the poor. What we don't do is go around snapping their necks."
"No, we tend not to do that." Friar Tuck agrees.
John and the Merry Men all murmur with agreement. "No no, bad show."
Which door should you enter?
[[Red door]]
[[Blue door]]
You knock on the red door.
"Who is it?" Comes a gruff, irritated reply. "I'm busy in here!"
There was the faint sound of someone giggling.
"What shall we do?" Friar Tuck whispers.
"Enough of this tomfoolery!" You say, "Let's kick the door down, slice him up like a watermelon, cut a few bits of flesh from his corpse to keep as souveniers, take the dungeon keys, and go rescue Robin!!"
"Yes! Go Jack!" The Merry Men all woop, "Hang on.. cut a few bits of what?"
You kick in the door, which swings open quite easily (it wasn't locked) and everyone storms into the room.
There, in a four poster bed lay the sheriff of Nottingham, his arms round a young maiden.
"What is the meaning of this!?!?" The sheriff shouts.
"We have come to demand you give us the keys to Robin's cell!" Marian says, pushing you out of the way before you have a chance to disembowel the sherrif.
"Marian??? Is that you?" The fair maiden in the bed asks, removing a blonde wig to reveal a light brown short back and sides.
"Robin???" Marian cries, her mouth dropping open in suprise and horror.
"It's not what you think!" Robin blushes. The whole room then descends into an uncomfortable silence.
"So this is Robin Hood?" You ask, not impressed at all.
"It's not what you think!" Robin says, "Let me explain! Get comfortable, I wish to tell you a very strange tale indeed!"
WELL DONE - YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE JACK THE RIPPER SEGMENT. NOW YOU MUST COMPLETE THE GAME AS ROBIN HOOD.
[[Robin Hood]]
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You walk into a blue room. The others all stay behind you in the hallway.
"We're not going in there!" They say.
There are 3 men in the room, all naked and painted blue. In fact, everything is painted blue in here.
"Ah.. a visitor!" Says the first blue man, "Enter..enter... there doth nought to be afraid."
He holds out a blue hand to yours. You look at the man, who appears to be sweating slightly.
A pig in the corner (painted blue) squeals. It looks uncomfortable, like it wants to be somewhere else. It also appears a little fatigued.
[[Red door]]You wait until the coast is clear, then climb out of the latrine. Shaking off loose excrement from your shoulders, you check your surroundings.
You are in a small wooden hut. The latrine is nothing but a hole in the ground, which a putrid stench escapes from. Opening the door to the hut your find yourself in a bustling market place.
"I am in the castle courtyard, still deep within the castle walls!" You says to yourself, "I must find a disguise and escape!"
Near to where you are, a man is selling oranges from the back of an orange cart. Behind him are some stables.
[[Talk to the orange seller]]
[[Go to the stables]]
"Good morrow my good man!" You greet the orange seller.
"Get your oranges 'ere. Fresh from Valencia this morning! OOh! Mark my words, you don't half pong! If I didn't know any better I'd say you'd be swimming in shi.."
"Did you say the oranges are fresh from Valencia? This morning?"
"Aye, that's right sir. Best in Nottingham these are!"
"How did they get here so quick?"
"Beg your pardon, sir?"
"How did oranges get from Valencia, in Spain, to your market stall in less than a day?"
"Ere - are you calling me a liar?"
"Forget it. I need your help..."
"You need oranges?"
"No.. no I need you to help me escape?"
"Escape? Who are you?"
[[I am Robin Hood!]]
[[You wouldn't have heard of me.]]"Stables! Perfect!" You think, rushing towards them, "I can steal a horse!"
The interior of the stables is very musky. Thin shafts of light break through the wooden planks of the roof, giving the hay a golden glow. Two horses graze peacefully. Another horse is behing fed an apple by a young boy.
"Hello there young boy!" You greet him.
He looks you up and down suspiciously.
"Are you one of them 'perverts' I gets told about?" He asks.
"Me? Why, no?"
"What do you want with me then? Why'd you follow me in here? Seems the kind of fing one of them 'perverts would do. Following a young boy mindin' his own business into this secluded dark stable, where there be no witnesses or what not. Seems the perfect place to have your way with me, if you were a pervert that is."
"I can assure you I am not a pervert, and I do not want to 'have my way with you' in any shape or fashion!"
"What is it you want then?"
"My name is Robin Hood, and I need your help to escape this castle!"
"Robin Hood! You're 'avin me on!"
"Look - I'll prove it!"
You walk over to one of the horses' water buckets and clean the rest of the poo from your face.
"Gee whizz!" The young boy exclaims, "It is you an' all! I recognise your face from the wanted posters!"
"Will you help me?"
"Come with me... my Dad works in the castle kitchens. He's a big fan of yours - He'll know what to do by Jimbo!"
[[continue|castle kitchens]]The small boy leads you to the castle kitchens, where it is a flurry of busy chefs, porters and dish-washer-uppers all going about their daily business.
Without further ado, the boy introduces you to a tall, french looking chef - who must have been the top chef, on account of his hat.
"Papa! I'd like to introduce my new friend!"
Papa was busy, chopping carrots and onions and demanding to know why he was chopping carrots and onions, and where in blazes was the sous chef.
"I can't stop and chat Pepe, I am busy preparing for tonight! Have you forgotten it is the Sheriff's birthday today? He will be expecting a grand meal for his party!"
"But Papa! This is Robin Hood! Of Loxley!"
Papa put down his knife and looked you up and down.
"Who ees this man in my kitchen covered in excrement? This ees not Robin Hood! 'E is - how the english say - 'pulling your cock my little Pepe!"
"'Pulling your leg' is the expression Sir, and I can assure you I AM Robin Hood, and would appreciate any help you can offer in smuggling me out of the castle grounds!"
At that instant, one of the waiters entered the kitchen, very excited.
"Hey everybody!! Have you heard the news? Robin Hood has escaped from the castle dungeons!!"
The kitchen immediatley became a hive of excitement! Everyone began mumering between themselves.
Papa stroked his long, french moustache.
"Mmmmm, maybe you are who you say you are! Ok then, I will do my best to help your escape - and I think I have the perfect method! Follow me into my larder! I will then give you a creamy surprise!"
[[Trust Papa]]
[[Never trust a Frenchman]]
Inside the larder, Papa whips off a sheet covering a giant wedding cake.
"This is the perfect plan!" Papa says.
"A wedding cake? But how??"
Papa taps on the cake. A hollow metallic sound comes from within.
"The cake is painted on sheet-metal, and is hollow inside. I use it to smuggle illegal french immigrants in and out of the castle! The guards at the gate would never think of stopping a chef with his cake! It even has two small wheels on the base for easy transporation!"
You shake your head with admiration.
"Papa, you're a genius. A chef and his cake is trusted the world over. With this invention, you could go anywhere.. cross any border. And nobody would ever stop you or ask questions."
Papa winks. "Exactly! You could say - It's a piece of cake!"
Everybody laughs, and laughs and laughs.
Papa pulled a small lever at the base of the cake, and the top half opened up on a pivot, revealing a spacious hiding hole within. A small stool and a magazine lay inside.
"You've thought of everything!"
"Simply climb in, make yourself comfortable.. and after my shift ends this evening I shall wheel you to safety far outside the castle walls!"
[[Climb inside the cake]]
[[Take your chances outside]]
"Sorry Frenchie, but i'm not interested!" You turn on your heels and walk out of the kitchens.
Back out in the courtyard, you are surprised to see that the castle gate is wide open, and there isn't a guard in sight!
[[walk out|outside the castle]]You climb inside the cake and sit yourself down on the little stool. You pick up the magazine and start to thumb through it.
"Ok.." Papa says, "I'm going to close the lid down now. It may get a little dark."
He pulls the lever, and the top of the cake closes over your head. Everything goes pitch black, so you put down the magazine again thinking what a waste of time that was.
You wait for hours, and you must have nodded off because you are awoken by whispering outside the cake.
"Robin - It is moi, Papa Chef. Pepe is here with me! Are you still in there?"
"Yes Papa, I'm here. Has your shift finished yet?"
"Oiu, it has! I'll just put my cap on and then I'll wheel you out of the castle. Don't worry about a thing - It's a piece of cake!"
You laugh, and laugh - and Papa and Pepe laugh too.
Suddenly, you hear some other men enter the room.
"What is all this commotion? Why are you laughing at this late hour??"
Mon Dieu! It sounds like the castle guards! You stay deathly silent.
"It is nothing my good men, I am just sharing a little joke with my son Pepe!"
"Is that the Sherrif's birthday cake? What's it doing there! Get it to his bed chamber immediately!"
"Certainly, if you just give me a moment..."
"No! I said immediately! We castle guards will escort you so you don't get lost!"
Uh-oh! Things don't like they're going to plan!
[[continue|Sherrif's Bed Chamber]]
"You're obviously mad.. so I think I'll take my chances outside!" You say, walking out of the castle kitchens.
Back out in the courtyard, you are surprised to see that the castle gate is wide open, and there isn't a guard in sight!
[[walk out|outside the castle]]You follow Tom into a large clearing.
"Behold! Yonder!" Tom says, outstretching his hand and pointing towards the centre of the clearing.
There, on top of a giant toadstool, lies your prized medical bag, bathed in the glow of the early evening sun.
"My medical bag!!!" You shout, running over to it, and swooping it up in your arms.
"Oh thank you wise tree spirit! However may I repay you?"
...But Tom is gone. The wise tree spirit has returned to whence he came. You feel a calmness about your mind now. The hate and anger has dissipated with the tree spirit - and you feel like a new man. Instead of bloody violence, you feel more drawn to peace. And love.
"Tomorrow's dawn will see a new Jack the Ripper!" You say to the heavens. "I swear it!"
You open the medical bag and check it's contents. Oh good, you think, my eyeball-mincer is still there.
WELL DONE! You have found your medical bag... but the quest is not yet complete! You must play again to save Robin Hood from the evil Sherrif of Nottingham!
[[Play again as Jack The Ripper |Jack the Ripper]]You feel a rocking motion as the cake gets wheeled along corridors, then carried up a flight of stairs, until your finally feel it come to a stop.
You hear someone knocking on a wooden door.
"Sheriff! We have a birthday surprise for you!"
You hear the sounds of a door creaking open.
"For me? Oh how lovely! You know how much I like a piece of cake! Wheel it in, and put it beside my bed!"
"Yes Sir!"
After a few moments, and several "good night sleep tights", everything goes quiet. You notice you have begun to sweat profusely.
"Cake cake, lovely cake all for me!" You hear the Sheriff sing. There suddenly comes a loud clanking noise as he tries to dig his fork into the side of the cake.
"This can't be right? That doesn't seem like any kind of sponge I know? Hang on - what's this lever?"
A moment later the top of the cake springs open on its hinges, and you are blinded by the sudden light of the room.
"Happy Birthday!" You cry out, jumping into the middle of the room.
[[continue|epilogue]]
EPILOGUE
"After the sheriff got over the shock, me and him got to talking... and soon one thing led to another, and here I am!"
Jack the Ripper, Maid Marian and the rest were all gathered round the bed listening intently to Robin's story.
"So, I guess me and you are over. Is that what you're saying?" Marian said, still unable to digest what was happening. "You're leaving me for this evil bastard??"
"Hey.. who are you calling an evil bastard?" The Sheriff interjected.
"He's really not." Robin said, "Say what you like about me, I deserve it - but please leave the sheriff out of this."
"But.. the taxes..." The Merry men said quietly.
Little John went for his bow and arrow.
"Let me 'av him, Marian...."
"Look..." Jack the Ripper said, trying to calm the situation down, "This is all obviously none of my business.. but why don't we all take 5 and talk this over like the decent human beings we are?
It was at that point a strange orangey, reddish glow started to emanate from the Sheriff's chamber pot. It started to quickly grow in size and dimensions, until it was engulfing half of the room.
"Jesus Christ! What in God's name is that?" Friar Tuck said.
"Ah! That looks to be like my way home!" Jack said, recognised the strange orange blob as very similar to the one which sucked him off earlier. "So I bid you good day Gentlemen!"
And with that, Jack jumped into the orange portal.... and vanished.
[[last bit]]
Back in 1866 the horrific murders of prositutes had stopped as suddenly as they had begun. The demon killer known as "Jack the Ripper" was never caught or heard of again. It was if he had vanished from the face of the earth!
Robin and Marian sadly split up. Marian instead started dating Will Scarlet, who had been on holiday whilst all this had been going on.
Robin and the Sheriff of Nottigham started seeing more and more of each other, and their romance blosommed into something quite beautiful.
And as for Tom Fallows, the shoe-shine boy? Well, he is either being used as a sex slave by a couple of randy guardsmen, dead in the woods somewhere, or a mystical Tree Spirit - depending on what choices you made along the way.
THE END
Please choose your player:
<table style="margin-bottom: 35px; color: white;">
<tr>
<td style="padding-right: 20px;"><img src="http://jonbardi.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/robin.jpg"></td>
<td><img src="http://jonbardi.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/tommy.jpg"></td>
</tr>
<tr style="padding: 20px; font-size:22px; tw-link:green;">
<td>[[Robin Hood]]</td>
<td>[[Tommy Fallows <br/> <span style="font-size: 14px;">(the shoeshine boy)</span>|andsowebegin]]</td>
</table>
NB: You can take control of <span style="color: red;">Jack the Ripper</span> only by completing the Tommy Fallows missions.
Well done!
You have completed the Tom Fallows segment. You can now continue the story as....
[[Jack the Ripper]]
"Who's there?" You ask, "Announce yourself!"
"Hello little boy." The stranger says, "You can talk to me if you're lonely. Sometimes I come to spend time with the corpses too. They are good company, although a little rude and unresponsive at times."
"What's your name?"
The stranger walks out of the shadows and you can see he is dressed in black, wearing a black hat and carrying a black medical bag.
"They call me Jack. Would you like to come back to mine?"
[[Lead the way!]]
[[What sort of shoeshine boy do you take me for?]]The gentleman looks chuffed to bits, and gives you a pat on the head.
"Good lad!" He says, "Good lad!"
He gives you his medical bag to carry, motions you to follow him, and walks out of the morgue - stopping only to pick up a spleen and putting it in his pocket.
"Spleens, spleens, good for the heart!" He sings, giving you a knowing wink. You wink back, confused by it all.
You follow him to a horse and carriage parked outside. You hop on, and he takes you on a whirlwind tour of Whitechapel, before stopping at a small terraced house.
"Here we are!" Jack said, getting down from the Hansom.
"Is this where you live?"
"No, no - I just have a bit of business to take care off. Let's go [[inside]]..."
"Oh please don't misunderstand me!" Jack replied, "I just want to be friends - no strings attached. Listen, why don't we go for a drink first and get to know each other? Take things slow?"
You ponder.
[[Go for a drink |THE OLD COCK INN.]]
[[Run away!]]
You turn on your heels and run out of the morgue, not looking back once. You've heard tales of men like that - and you know exactly what a drink could lead too. You'd just rather not put yourself in that postion that's all.
You find yourself in a maze of alleyways and backstreets. Before you know it you are outside a [[Pie Shop]].You get up off the floor and there, in front of you is the shoeshine boy, Tom - alive! He is dressed all in white and looks a little transparent, but seems in good health.
"Tom? You are alive?" You ask.
"It is I Tom - but not as you once knew me. For I am no longer Tom the Shoe Shine Boy. For thanks to you dear friend, I have been released from the confines of your earthly realm. I exist on a different plane - forever to roam this woody dell. You may know me as Tom the Tree Spirit."
"But shoeshine boy, I mean treesprit... what is it you want from me?"
"Follow me dear Jack, for all that you seek..."
[[Follow Tom the Tree Spirit|the tree spirits]]
"I am Jack the Ripper!"
"Who?"
"Jack the Ripper!"
"Never heard of you! Have you got any money?"
"Not on me, no. I left it all in 1888."
"1888? What's that? Name of your house? Funny name for a house that."
"What do you want?"
"I want your money don't I...Now hand it over."
"I just told you, I don't have any!"
"Oh right. So you did."
With a sudden slashing motion, the big fat man cuts your throat. He then takes your hat, tries it on, decides it doesn't fit well, puts it down, thinks that maybe he could sell it down the market, picks it up again and walks off into the woods.
THE END
[[start again|START]]<audio autoplay>
<source src="https://jonbardi.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/y2mate.com-Fart-Sound-Effect-_-Diarrhea-Fart-Sound-_-Pool-Fart-Sound_lCCwBYcPads.mp3" />
</audio>
"Oh drat and blast it!" You curse.
[[continue|stables]]"Robin Hood!" The Orange Seller gasps, dropping the oranges he had in his hand. "GUARDS! GUARDS! ROBIN HOOD IS HERE! HELP!"
Before you know it, you are surrounded by guards. One in particular, a big beefy nasty looking sort, walks up to you and prods you in the chest.
"Robin Hood... I've been looking forward to the day I met you. Word is you're quite handy with a blade. Well, I'm the best in the land.. and I'm going to give you a choice. Either I take you back to your cell right now, or you can challenge me to a swordfight. What say you?!"
[[Go back to your cell|Cell]]
[[Have a swordfight]]
"I'm no one!" You say, "Just some guy who wants to escape from the castle."
The orange seller looks at you with suspicion.
"What's in it for me then... sayings I 'elps you escape an' all?"
"Get me out of this castle my good sir, and you will be rewarded with gold and silver!"
"Gold an' Silver ey? Sounds good to me, fella! Hop in the back of my Orange cart and I'll wheel you past the guards at the gate. Nothing to it!"
You jump in the back of the orange cart and make sure you are well hidden. You feel the cart start to move. A few seconds later you hear the muffled voices of the guards. You can just make out what they are saying.
"Stop! All carts to be served by order of the Sheriff!"
"Bleedin' eck - what is this? You've got no right!"
"We've got every right, now stand aside and let us search your cart.. or get the sharp end of my sword up your jacksie."
"Oh no!" You think, "What's going to happen?"
<div style="font-align: center;">WILL THE GUARDS FIND ROBIN? IN ORDER TO FIND OUT YOU MUST PLAY..
[[THE MILK GAME]]</div>
"Give me a sword! I shall accept your challenge!" You say, boldly.
The beefy type sneers a sneery sneer.
"Good. Good good good. Hand the man a sword! This shan't take long!"
Somebody puts a sword in your hand. A small crowd has gathered now, and the swordfight begins!
HOW TO PLAY:
1. Get a dice from somewhere. You must have one somewhere, in an old board game box or something in the cupboard under you stairs. Or your local corner shop probably sells them. Nip out... We won't continue without you.
2. Got a dice? Good - now throw it! (Not too far.. don't throw it into the distance or anything like that because you need to check the number.)
3. Check the number. It should be between 1 and 6. If it is any more than that, or if it is showing a funny symbol then you have the wrong kind of die. Please go back to step 1.
4. Please click the number which you have rolled.
[[1|win]]
[[2|lose]]
[[3|win]]
[[4|win]]
[[5|lose]]
[[6|lose]]
You are back in your cell.
A couple of feet above your head is a small window letting in a shaft of daylight. There is a sturdy oak door here with a porthole, and some hay which serves as your bed.
Not much has changed since the last time your were here.
There is also a bucket here.
[[call for fresh hay!]]
[[call for your bucket to be emptied!]]
[[pull the slab]]<h1>Let battle commence!</h1>
A great, swashbuckling battle of swords begins - there are lots of clinking, insults, jumping on hay wagons, a sommersault or two, running up steps, near misses and plenty of ooo's and aaa's from the spectators.
Until, finally, you plunge your sword into the guard's chest.
"Avatya!" You cry, or words to those effect.
The guard, mortally wounded, collapses against a courtyard wall.
"Well done Robin..." He gasps, "You are truly the greatest swordsman who ever lived!"
"Does this mean you will grant my freedom?"
"I'm afraid I don't have the jurisdiction..." He answers, coughing a little blood before dying.
"Hey... He's killed Albert!" Says one of the market people.
"Albert's dead?" Say's another.
"Yes.. that bloke there killed him!"
"Let's get him!"
The crowd is starting to get angry... you should make your escape! As luck would have it, you spot some stables. A chance to steal a horse, maybe?
[[Run to the stables|Go to the stables]]
Let battle commence!
A great, swashbuckling battle of swords begins - there are lots of clinking, insults, jumping on hay wagons, a sommersault or two, running up steps, near misses and plenty of ooo's and aaa's from the spectators.
Until, finally, the guard plunges his sword into the your chest.
"Ouch!" You cry, dropping to your knees.
"You were a worthy foe!" The big man says, standing above you.
"May I know the name of the man who bested me?" You ask, as the light of your soul begins to dim.
"Albert."
"Goodbye....Albert."
And with one last wheeze, Robin Hood is no more.
[[start again|START]]
<div style="font-align: center;"> THE MILK GAME</div>
RULES:
This is a game based on chance, and will determine whether Robin is found or not.
STEP 1.
Go into your kitchen and have a look inside your fridge. If you are currently playing this game sat on a bus, or if a fridge is unavailable to you at this time - please try and get to the nearest fridge. If that is impossible - I'm sorry, you will not be able to play the milk game. [[click here|fail]]
STEP 2.
Now that your fridge door is open, please take a good, long, hard look at the milk.
STEP 3.
Do you see...
[[Semi Skimmed Milk|fail]]
[[Whole Milk|win2]]
[[No Milk|win2]]
[[Skimmed Milk|fail]]
[[Two or more of the above|fail]]The guards find you!!
"You're a sneaky rascal aren't you!" One of the guards says, dragging you out of the cart by the scruff of your neck. "Straight back to your cell with you!"
[[continue|Cell]] "Argghh! I'm off!" The orange seller suddenly yells, running off out the gate.
"Get him!" The guards shout, taking pursuit.
Talking advantage of everyone's attention suddenly being elsewhere, you sneak out of the orange cart, and sneak out the open, guard-free gate.
[[continue|outside the castle]]"I'm free!!" You whoop in delight, "Next stop - Sherwood Forest!"
You take the country lane (the scenic route) towards the forest, stopping every now and again for pause and reflection, and to smell the flowers growing on the side of the road.
A man on a horse approaches you.
"Excuse me Sir but would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of the castle?"
"Of course my friend, I have just left there. Carry on down this lane and you will surely find it!"
"Many thanks for your help friend, here - have this gold coin as a token of my appreciation!"
The man on the horse throws you down a shiny gold piece before riding off in the direction of the castle.
This surely is your lucky day! THe gold coin will make a fine gift for Maid Marian when you arrive home!
[[continue|horrible death]]You reach the forest just as the sun is going down. The darkness doesn't phrase you however, you are Robin Hood after all and know Sherwood Forest like the back of your hand.
As you journey deeper into the forest, you get the distinct impression that you are being followed.
You hear the snap of a tree branch somewhere behind you.
"Who's there?" You cry out, "Show yourself!"
"Hissssss... give us your gold...." Come the whispers from the darkness. You are suddenly aware of hundreds of bright red eyes all around you in the shadows.
"If it's gold you want, you may have it! My name is Robin Hood and...."
Without warning they are upon you! Thousands of em! Horrible, furry, smelly things with claws and fangs and such like.
"Argh! Gerroff!" You shout, as you feel sharp things tearing away at your skin.
"Tonight....we feast....." Come whispers from all around you, as bits of your flesh are torn from your body and thrown from one hairy horrible thing to next.
"Argh! Leave my pancreas alone!" You squeal, as dirty ragged hands delve deep into your body, pulling things apart deep within you.
When they are done there is nothing left of you, just a bloody red damp patch in the soil, and a little gold coin.
THE END
[[start again|START]]
This game is made in twine.
Click on the underlined words to play.
If you are at all sensitive to obscene horror and terrifying psycholigical torment, I suggest you go no further.
<img width="500px" src="http://jonbardi.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/headphones.jpg">
Headphones are mandatory. Without them you will be losing out on 76% of the horror.
[[click here.|choose]]<img src="http://jonbardi.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/02023fb1c06897f1737fc4b74cc2454a.png"
[[PROCEED...|Tommy Fallows, the Shoe-Shine Boy]]