Welcome to the Land of Distress! [[ You are Princess Damsel!]] Would you describe yourself as more of a [[housewife]], [[athlete]], or [[scientist]]?You're a smart and beautiful housewife that is really good at cooking, cleaning and babysitting.
You hear a knock at the door, do you answer? [[yes]], or [[no]]. You've always been a tomboy. You played sports with all the boys and even the guards. You were always the best. You're smart, strong and beautiful. You excel at soccer, rugby and football.
You hear a knock at the door, do you answer? [[yes]] or [[no]]. You've always been interested in science. You've done countless experiments and studied under the best scientists in the kingdom. You've been hailed as their star pupil. You're smart, beautiful and resourceful.
You hear a knock at the door, do you answer? [[yes]], or [[no]].You open the door and are shocked to see two strange men, dressed in all black robes, from the rival Land of Cliche! They grab you and are taking you away. Do you [[accept your fate and go quietly]] or do you [[struggle with all of your might]]? You're not expecting anyone at this time and are suspicious and decide not to answer the door. However, two strange men, dressed in all black robes, from the rival Land of Cliche, burst through your window. They grab you and are taking you away. Do you [[struggle with all of your might]], or do you [[accept your fate and go quietly]]? These men are dangerous and you know you can't beat them in combat so you decide to go quietly. Just as they're about to put you in their boat, you see your knight in shining armor, John Doe. Do you [[scream out to him for help]], [[scream out to him for assistance]], [[scream out to him for aid]] or do you [[scream out to him for support]]? You struggle with all of your might to fight off your kidnappers but your resistance is futile. Just as they're about to put you in their boat, you see your knight in shining armor, John Doe. Do you [[scream out to him for help]], [[scream out to him for assistance]], [[scream out to him for aid]] or do you [[scream out to him for support]]? You scream out to John to save you, he rushes towards you and kills one of the guards in the process but is one second too late. The Cliche Warriors have succeded in kidnapping you.
[[Part 2]]You scream out to John to save you, he rushes towards you and kills one of the guards in the process but is one second too late. The Cliche Warriors have succeded in kidnapping you.
[[Part 2]]You scream out to John to save you, he rushes towards you and kills one of the guards in the process but is one second too late. The Cliche Warriors have succeded in kidnapping you.
[[Part 2]]You scream out to John to save you, he rushes towards you and kills one of the guards in the process but is one second too late. The Cliche Warriors have succeded in kidnapping you.
[[Part 2]]The Cliche Warriors sail you to the Land of Cliche and bring you before the Cliche King. He explains that you were taken as a hostage in order to force your father to surrender his kingdom. He plans to either keep you in the top floor of the tallest tower until he surrenders or the darkest dungeon in the castle. You get to choose your prison. Will you [[Go to the Tower]] or will you [[Go to the Dungeon]]?The Cliche Warriors take you to the top floor of the tallest tower in the land, Stereotypical Tower. You're angry, scared and exhausted. Do you [[kick and scream ]] or [[take a nap]]?You wake up the next day and consider your options. You can either [[wait for your knight, John Doe, to save you]] or [[figure out how to break out of the prison yourself]].Sorry this option is only available for people with agency. Only male characters have agency so you're shit out of luck. You should just [[wait patiently]] like a good princess. You decide to bet it all on Doe. Two weeks go by. The guards are responsible for your food and entertainment. The guard asks you which video game you want to play. Do you play [[Princess in Dungeon 2: Here we go Again;)]] or [[Tall Tower, Caucasian Princess 6: This is the Last One I Promise]]?You eat the eggs this time, they're not bad, but they're the same. Three months go by. Do you want to [[play with the birds you've adopted]] or [[longingly wonder where the hell John is]]?You eat the pancakes, they're better than usual but the same. Three months go by. Do you want to [[play with the birds you've adopted]] or [[longingly wonder where the hell John is]]?You play with the birds, your only friends. A year goes by. You're frustrated but you have no choice but to believe in your knight. You make the 365th tally mark on your wall and [[go to sleep]].You hear a loud thud and wake up, startled. There's a commotion downstairs, a lot of yelling and screaming. This goes on for a few minutes and then it gets really quiet. Suddenly, there's a loud knock on the door. Do you [[answer]] or do you [[not answer]]?You say who's there and you hear a familiar voice answer back to you saying "It is I Princess Damsel, your knight in shining armor, John of Doe! I will break down this door now and save you at once." [[John breaks the door down]].You're scared and aren't sure if the person on the other side of the door is a friend or foe so you don't answer and just stay quiet. You hear a few more loud knocks and then the door bursts open. It's John Doe! ("Finally, what the fuck took you so long! I've been in prison for two years asshole!" you think) Do you [[let him pick you up and carry you away like a new bride]] or [[faint dramatically into his arms, call out his name and then let him pick you up and carry you away like a new bride]]?Your knight has finally arrived! ("Finally, what the fuck took you so long! I've been in prison for two years asshole!" you think) Do you [[let him pick you up and carry you away like a new bride]] or do you [[faint dramatically into his arms, call out his name and then let him pick you up and carry you away like a new bride]]?John Doe carries you away, you leave the Stereotypical Tower, sail away from the Land of Cliche and you ride off into the sunset with your knight back to your Homeland of Distress...[[FIN]]You're so overwhelmed with emotion that you faint into your knight's arms and call out his name like you're out of breath. John Doe carries you away, you leave the Overused Dungeon, sail away from the Land of Cliche and you ride off into the sunset, with your knight back to your Homeland of Distress...[[FIN]]Congratulations!!! You've made it to the end of this game. You've just experienced what it's like to be a female character in a majority of today's mainstream video games. You had the privilege of being the Damsel in Distress! You got to be a hostage and wait in an enemy prison, alone, for two years, for a man to save you. That was fun right?? The Cliche Warriors take you to the lowest floor in the castle, the Overused Dungeon. They chain you to a rock and leave. Do you [[kick and scream ]] or [[take a nap]]?You kick and scream until you're burnt out but your outburst won't change your situation. You consider your options. You can either [[wait for your knight, John Doe, to save you]] or [[figure out how to break out of the prison yourself]].You wake up. In the blink of an eye, another year has passed by. You've become friendly with the guard. He won't let you out but he's got weed and he's down to share! You can [[roll a joint]] or [[roll a blunt]]. You roll the joint and smoke with the guard and have a conversation. He tells you how much he hates his job. He said he's lost count of all the princesses he's had to guard in his life. Seems like the only thing the Kings in this world do is easily kidnap princesses. You finish the joint and then [[go to bed]].You roll the blunt and smoke with the guard and have a conversation. He tells you how much he hates his job. He said he's lost count of all the knights in shining armor he's lost fights to over kidnapped princesses in his life. Seems like every princess in the land is getting easily kidnapped and just waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save her. You finish the blunt and then [[go to bed]].You play Princess in Dungeon 2. Not as good as the original, but it passes the time. The guard comes back an hour later and asks you what you want for breakfast. This routine goes on and on. Do you want [[eggs]] or [[pancakes]] today?You play Tall Tower, Caucasian Princess 6: This is the Last One I Promise. You can't believe they made another one but you play anyway. The guard comes back an hour later and asks you what you want for breakfast. This routine goes on and on. Do you want [[eggs]] or [[pancakes]] today?You're sure your knight in shining armor will be here to save you so you [[wait patiently]].You sit and wonder where the hell John is. You begin to think John is a shitty knight. A year goes by. You're frustrated but you have no choice but to believe in him. You make the 365th tally mark on your wall and [[go to sleep]].