You wake up on Monday, January 6th, in your own bed, life still in ruins.
A long standing acquaintance invited you to spend the New Years with them and some friends at a retreat rather than by yourself. Considering your best friend is a bit distant, due to your recent fight, you accept. You figure, if this acquaintance turns out to be murderer or something, then at least you'll be dead and no longer in pain.
To your surprise, the week you spent there was lovely and the acquaintance started to develop into a sincere friend. You spent it with other nice strangers and found out you had a lot in common with the person who invited you.
After spending the weekend, you eventually make your way back home.
But now, back in your own apartment, your life is still just as broken as when you left it.
It's time to make some decisions about how to **repair** your life. It's time to make some changes. [[What's your first step?->How to start the day]]You start to have a nightmare, one you're all too familiar with..... At first you are safe in your own bed, then the screaming starts.
A door is broken in....
There are cops...
More screaming... Sounds of things being thrown.
You remember fear, crying, confusion, anger...
[[There is nothing but pain here->The beginning of Your day]] [[Lay in bed until you have more energy->Stay asleep as long as possible]]
[[Try to Get up->The beginning of Your day]]You fight to wake up after another restless sleep and decide to this is the day you put your life back together.
Besides, if you tried to go back to sleep, you'll probably just wake up feeling even more anxious and fatigued anyway.
It's a new year, its a new you. You're free now, so just take it slow...
You start to think about [[what your therapist said-> Health Bar Explanations]]
She mentioned that wellness is more than just whether or not you're sick. That is your <u>Physical Health</u>, which determines how much energy you may have to do things you enjoy, but that's not the only form of health I should worry about.
She also said You have your <u>Mental health</u>, how your brain is processing information and its perspectives on your life. And if it's understimulated or overstimulated, by either trauma or daily stress, it won't work properly.
She also mentioned that to help with managing your health, I should be mindful of my <u>Social Health</u>, how much time i'm spending with friends and maintaining the strength of those friendships, even when its hard. Especially when it's hard.
But most importantly, your <u>Emotional Health</u>, how you feel about yourself, is the biggest thing to worry about. When scary things happen, no matter what happens with everything else, our emotional health will give us the ability to believe that things will get better. That we can make things better.
She talked about this multiple times in multiple ways over the past few months of therapy. Today I would actually do something about it. [[But where to start?-> First choice]]There were a lot of ways to start my day, which would <u>**absolutely** affect how the rest of my day went</u>, but I had to start somewhere.
My life was still a mess and it wasn't going to get better over night.
I figured I'd better just start with [[one of these-> Health Bar Explanations]] and figure out the rest as the day went on.
So I searched my feelings and decided to start with my...
[[Physical Health-> Physical 1]]
[[Mental Health-> Mental 1]]
[[Emotional Health-> Emotional 1]]
[[Social Health-> Social 1]]
[[Not making any immediate decisions-> Trap 1]]I decided that doing something physical would give me the energy to take care of everything else. However......
Now that I was thinking about it, there were several ways to take care of my physical health. So now I needed to make a new decision about how to take care of that.
The first four things I could think of was giving [[Yoga another try-> Social P2]]. I had done it with friends and at least knew how to do the Sunrise Salutations warmup.
That said, technically, I could just [[walk to the store and get groceries-> Physical P2]] with the little money I have. Walking counts for cardio, right? But then again, I also had food here, [[not good food->Trap P2]], but it would mean I ate breakfast, which is the "*most important meal of the day*"
I could also embarass myself and try [[doing pushups-> Emotional P2]]. That defintely counts.
Or maybe I should actually [[schedule a doctors appointment-> Mental P1]]? I literally haven't done a check up in years....I decided that I needed to try and flex my brain so I can better organize my life. However......
Now that I was thinking about it, there were several ways to take care of my mental health. So now I needed to make a new decision about how to take care of that.
I could start putting a serious amount of brain cells towards [[mapping out a career for myself-> Mental M2]]. I didn't have a job but I had a lot of skills and passions. I could start planning how to get to where I wanted to be in life.
I could also just start doing the type of work I wanted to do. I could [[make an upwork account->Emotional M2]] and just start doing some projects. I just needed to think about how i'd market myself.
On the other hand, I could try and [[think through contacts->Social M2]], people I know that could get me a job. I do have some friends who'd be more than willing to help if I just asked.
If i'm feeling really bold I could go to the library and [[search the job board->Physical M2]] they have there. But, honestly, I could just [[google "any job that pays bills"->Trap M2]] and see what comes up. I need a job, any job. It didn't have to be special.I decided the best way to start getting my life together was to take care of myself first. However......
Now that I was thinking about it, there were several ways to take care of my emotional health. So now I needed to make a new decision about how to take care of that.
I had been practicing mindfullness before my life fell apart. I hadn't done it in so long... but maybe it was time to try [[[meditating-> Personal E2]] again.
I also lost touch with all my hobbies and never really recovered. Though it took a lot of brain power, I did miss practicing with Source filmmaker. So maybe it was time I rekindled that passion and do some [[3D Animation-> Mental E2]].
Another hobby I lost was Martial Arts. I loved being focused and feeling that productive burn. I could [[find a gym-> Physical E2]] to join. But that could be done from [[bed...-> Trap E2]]
Then again, maybe I needed to go to the library and see if there were any volunteer opportunites. I love helping people and met nice people through [[volunteering-> Social E2]]. That took a different kind of energy though...I decided that reaching out to friends would be a good way get some help in getting my life together. However......
Now that I was thinking about it, there were several people who could help me take care of my social health. So now I needed to make a new decision about how to take care of that.
Obviously the first person to come to mind was my best friend. Or at least, was my best friend... Things had been awkward since the incident. They were supportive but also critcal. I know s/he was trying to care but at the time, the criticism did more harm then good. We haven't talked since. [[Maybe I should text first?-> Emotional S2]]
Then again, s/he's not my only friend. My friend [[Julie-> Mental S2]] had always been supportive, if not a bit aggressively. I know if I asked, she'd be very motherly, as usual. She'd pay for everything and listen carefully. However, as my super adulty business friend, she'd also follow up with questions about my career, my life plans, my finances, etc. It was like she was part mom and part computer...
My other friend, [[Cedar-> Physical S2]], was the opposite. He was an active and free spirited human being, full of flaws and full of adventures. He'd get me out of the house and probably doing parkour or naked yoga with one of the co-ops he frequents. But he's always in motion so I don't know how much *talking* we'd actually do...
I have a few friends online in the [[support chat groups-> Social S2]] I joined. I don't really know anyone in real life, but I'm sure they'd have some positive words of encouragment, despite being too far to meet. Then again, some of the groups were full of very bitter people. They get **VERY** intense when they talk about the people that traumatized them to a point I feel it's less like support and more about revenge. [[But maybe I was still angry...-> Trap S2]]The more I thought about it, the more stressed out I became. So I stopped thinking about it...
Fixing my life was a huge task and honestly, I was still in recovering from everything that had happened. I still think that maybe...Maybe I deserved it...
Thinking about that stressed me out as well. Everything stressed me out. So decided to just do something chill. I got up. Put on some kinda clothes. Walked just enough steps to get from the bedroom to the living room. Less than a beep later, the tv was on and I began to soothe my stress through visual escapism.
It was good.
[[I felt safe...->Redemption 1]]With little to know actual experience, I decided to try the poses my friend Cedar showed me.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, and bent forward as much as possible, while breathing out slowly.
..........
So far so good.
I began to slowly rise up, breathing in as I rose, and gently bent backwards.
..........
It was bad. Everything hurt.
It became **IMMEDIATLY** clear that I hadn't stretched my body in **far** too long.
But at least I could now text [[Cedar-> Physical S2]] and say I tried.It made more sense to try and get food. The store was only a few blocks away so it was an easy walk.
I threw on the first shirt I saw in my dresser and the same jeans from yesterday.
Socks. Shoes. Keys. Wallet. Cellphone. Headphones.
All the essentials collected and I headed out the door.
The flash of natural sunlight was painful, yet unexpectedly welcome.
The street noise never made it past the music flowing straight into my ears. So it felt like walking in a music video. I even allowed my mind to drift as I approached the store.
I left them in even once I got inside. I had no need to talk to anyone and there were automatic kiosks. So I just grabbed some microwave meals, checked out and walked out. All while riding the high the music gave me.
When I got back inside I sighed deeply....
It felt good to start somewhere.I decided to go to the pantry and take inventory of what I did have.
As I figured, nothing good.
I had a can of [[chunky's soup-> Failed Redemption]] which I always kept in case of flu days.
I had [[frozen waffles-> Failed Redemption]] for the quick breakfast days. However I never really had those days often so the waffles almost certainly had frostbite flavor.
There were some frozen meats but that required both defrosting and seasoning and that took **way** more energy than I currently had.
and then, ofcourse, [[there was cereal-> Failed Redemption]]. All of it sugary. All of it delicious.
Either one would be consumed in front of the tv, so it didn't really matter.Initially thinking of it as a joke, I found myself in the prone position.
I searched my memory to recall the last time I had actually done a push up...
...
Mental Search Results say: High school fitness challenge, That one time in college..... that's it.
I laughed and figured it would be a start. So I took a deep breath. Focused on pushing my body up and watched my arms tremor as I breathed "...One" under my breath.
I held the position and considered stopping then and there...
But I didn't. I decided to try one more. I counted outloud with a exhaled breath "..two"
Then another. "...threeeeeee.."
Once I went back down, there was no four.
I stayed on the floor until I realized how dirty it was.
I immediately got to my knees and breathed out.
It sucked, but in a way, I was actually ***really*** proud of myself.
Pride felt good.When I actually started to think about setting up a doctors appointment I realized that I didn't even really know where to begin.
I had a *form* of insurance via unemployment but never used it.
So I had to First: Find my card and then Two: Figure out who to call so I could actually use it.
After searching the apartment a bit, I found it in a dresser and looked on the back to find a appointment number. I called it then waited for someone to pick up.
It seemed like I was stuck in a permanent cycle of automated voices, button pressing then more automated voices to more button pressing. And as a final trick, once all the automated number exchange was over, elevator music started playing. In between the music was the same automated voice, only this time letting me know the whole process could also be done online.
The process made me think about how getting appointments as a kid was so effortless. I literally never wanted them, yet they would always come to me. Now I was an adult, who actually wanted them, yet was overwhelmed by the whole process.
Eventually the voice on the phone became human and I was given a date.
It was at least a month away, but it would work. I was finally taking control of my health and I was proud of that.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Since Cedar was one of those New Age types, he's probably the most qualified to help me with the whole "getting it together business" So texting him was the logical next step. Or was is spiritually the next step..?
I paused to admire my own deepness.
I sent him a brief, "Hey, what are you up to?" and he almost immediately responded with a picture of some kind of noon wellness gathering at the local park. Free form dancing, yoga, drum circles, everything.
The picture was followed with "Come Partake In the Community" and nothing else.
I tried texting him for details but he just stopped messaging. It was like he miraculously lost his phone between the moment he texted me to the moment I text him.
Either way, at least now I had a heading. That Or I could stay at home.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.After a couple of hours of thoughtlessness I did start to reconsider if this was what I wanted.
My conviction from this morning was slipping away. But the thought of starting anything now seemed almost meaningless.
I could do something, but it wouldn't be much.
I could [[text somebody-> Social P2]] I suppose. Staying inside wasn't doing me any good. Perhaps going out for lunch would be a better idea
I could also just [[keep watching-> Failed Redemption]] whatever this show I found was. It had a whole second season I could binge. Maybe even to offset it I could do a [[push up-> Emotional P2]] for every episode? That seems fair
I could also just [[take myself to bed-> Trap E2]] and maybe try again. I wouldn't get much sleep but I wouldn't just be sitting in front of the tv either.
Maybe I could [[google search some jobs->Trap M2]]Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Welcome to the "Path to Repair" Narrative Game for GGJ 2020!
This is an <u>***incomplete***</u> project but is one dear to my heart.
The subject matter is self care and how outcomes through making decisions, flucutate. Certain choices about who you hang out with, how open you choose to be with them affect your social guages. What you eat and what you choose to do affects how much energy you have to do just about anything else, while Mental and Emotional affects what you think and feel as well as how well you think through problems or feel about situations.
It only has Physical, Social Portions done and little else. (Only second GGJ and first completely on my own)
[[With that said, I hope you enjoy the game!->Intro]]