SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>% \n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\nThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, "Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair." Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians."\n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 52>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nPerhaps taking a break from academic concerns by spending time with loved ones, enjoying a walk outdoors, and taking in some trash TV as a guilty indulgence does not add to your academic profile, but you feel a bit more energetic.\n\n<<if $conf gte 77>> Not only did you manage to relax, but you also submitted a paper to a mid-list journal that accepted it for publication. <<set $medarticle += 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts3a]] for your next semester.
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 79>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 8>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYour time to yourself was not entirely unproductive. You started watching motivational videos online, and so gave yourself a little confidence boost. \n\nBut work [[beckons|Arts5]].
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 3500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 75>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nAfter a long and challenging first year of teaching, who could fault you for taking a little time to yourself. Long and lazy summer days spent at the beach, reading pulpy novels, and drinking on patios made for a relaxing and languid few months. You feel refreshed and ready to tackled the new school year.\n\n<<if $$ lte 999>> As you are a bit shy in the pocket, you set aside principles and integrity to write a paper for one of those essay mill sites where rich kids buy papers to pass intro to lit courses. <<set $$ += 275>><<endif>>\n\nThat being said, you were a bit liberal with your finances. It's time to get back into the [[swing of things|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 87>><<print $stress>>\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nThis might be one of your most psychologically productive breaks as you spent the time reflecting on your last two years teaching, and what the prospects for the future may be. Although you are still as keen and motivated to try for that secure academic job, you are also at peace with not getting it, and have started considering alternatives.\n\nReturn to your [[duties|Arts7]] with a new perspective.
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 94>><<print $stress>>\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou extended your time away from research by also including a Planet of the Apes movie marathon, and took a few yoga classes. \n\nAlthough you've been silent on the research front, you're ready for the challenges of your [[sixth semester|Arts6]].
Well, that didn't come out as diplomatically as it could have. You certainly had a lot of pent up bitterness, some of which you came by honestly by being snubbed by some tenured faculty. \n\nHowever, one may question what you hoped to gain by this accusatory polemic. \n\nThe president responded by claiming that the union does actively represent all its members - including adjuncts - and invited you to participate to be heard. But the sea of frowns on the faces of the membership was a clear indication that you alienated the union brass. It looks like if you want to organize and mobilize adjuncts, you'll be going it alone.\n\nBack to the [[grind|Arts11]].
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle6]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle6]]
Semester 12\nThe letter came sooner than it usually does:\n\n"We are pleased to offer you the following courses to fill our unanticipated needs: <<print either ("'An Introduction to Aristotelian Egg-Watching'", "The History of Static: From Noise to Cling'", "'The Influence of the Polite Sentimenalist Movement in the Greeting Card Industry'", "'Anthropology and the Yam Economy: Building Sweet Potato Capital'", "'Gilligan's Island: Structuralist and Poststructuralist Approaches'", "'A Brief History of Yarn'", "'Monomedia Art: How to Stick to Just One Medium in Visual Arts'")>> and <<print either ("'A Brief History of Space Operas'", "'The Psycholinguistics of Family Pets'", "'The Portrayal of Wall Coverings in Victorian Literature'", "'Applied Reaganomics'", "'Macro-Reaganomics'", "'Ayn Rand and the Objectivist School of the Self'", "'The Philosophy of Libertarian Cyber-Renegades'", "'Trade Unionism in the Context of Visual Poetry'", "'Introduction to Greenland Urbanization Studies'", "'Understanding Fractional Reserve Banking through Amateur YouTube Videos'", "'Studies in Intensive Bingo Hall Social Politics: 1955-1965'")>>\n\nAnd you've actually "restructured" your time to outsource your sleeping functions and thus commit some long hours on a new article that was just published, and none of the faculty will read:\n<<print either ("Bitcoin Fountains: Digital Currencies and the New Crowdsourcing Charity Initiatives in Bhutan", "A Literary Approach to Infant Fecal Manipulation as a Poetic Form", "Flappy Bird and Existential Ethics", "Club 404: A Cultural Studies and Semiotic Approach to Famous Web Errors", "Consequences of the Posthumanist Landscape Among Netflix Users of Non-Colour")>>\n\n\n[[teach|semester12]] you teaching machine, you!
SEMESTER 11\nCash: <<set $$ += 1750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 8\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThe letter came sooner than it usually does:\n\n"We are pleased to offer you the following courses to fill our unanticipated needs: <<print either ("'An Introduction to Aristotelian Egg-Watching'", "The History of Static: From Noise to Cling'", "'The Influence of the Polite Sentimenalist Movement in the Greeting Card Industry'", "'Anthropology and the Yam Economy: Building Sweet Potato Capital'", "'Gilligan's Island: Structuralist and Poststructuralist Approaches'", "'A Brief History of Yarn'", "'Monomedia Art: How to Stick to Just One Medium in Visual Arts'")>> and <<print either ("'A Brief History of Space Operas'", "'The Psycholinguistics of Family Pets'", "'The Portrayal of Wall Coverings in Victorian Literature'", "'Applied Reaganomics'", "'Macro-Reaganomics'", "'Ayn Rand and the Objectivist School of the Self'", "'The Philosophy of Libertarian Cyber-Renegades'", "'Trade Unionism in the Context of Visual Poetry'", "'Introduction to Greenland Urbanization Studies'", "'Understanding Fractional Reserve Banking through Amateur YouTube Videos'", "'Studies in Intensive Bingo Hall Social Politics: 1955-1965'")>>\n\n[[teach|semester11]] you teaching machine, you!
SEMESTER 10\nCash: <<set $$ += 1750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 8\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThe letter came sooner than it usually does:\n\n"We are pleased to offer you the following courses to fill our unanticipated needs: <<print either ("'An Introduction to Aristotelian Egg-Watching'", "The History of Static: From Noise to Cling'", "'The Influence of the Polite Sentimenalist Movement in the Greeting Card Industry'", "'Anthropology and the Yam Economy: Building Sweet Potato Capital'", "'Gilligan's Island: Structuralist and Poststructuralist Approaches'", "'A Brief History of Yarn'", "'Monomedia Art: How to Stick to Just One Medium in Visual Arts'")>> and <<print either ("'A Brief History of Space Operas'", "'The Psycholinguistics of Family Pets'", "'The Portrayal of Wall Coverings in Victorian Literature'", "'Applied Reaganomics'", "'Macro-Reaganomics'", "'Ayn Rand and the Objectivist School of the Self'", "'The Philosophy of Libertarian Cyber-Renegades'", "'Trade Unionism in the Context of Visual Poetry'", "'Introduction to Greenland Urbanization Studies'", "'Understanding Fractional Reserve Banking through Amateur YouTube Videos'", "'Studies in Intensive Bingo Hall Social Politics: 1955-1965'")>>\n\n[[teach|semester10]] you teaching machine, you!
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Off-Topic, low value) The Online Journal of Potpourri.\nNon-peer reviewed Journals like these are generally run by enthusiastic grad students who can be novices when it comes to editorial control. They are generally desperate to fill their volumes and so are significantly less fussy about research quality, or sometimes even basic grammar. An easy publication credit to act as line entry fodder on your CV to make it look like you are semi-active, but too many of these credits will not look good! [[Submit!|lowarticle2]]\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle2]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle2]]
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Off-Topic, low value) The Online Journal of Potpourri.\nNon-peer reviewed Journals like these are generally run by enthusiastic grad students who can be novices when it comes to editorial control. They are generally desperate to fill their volumes and so are significantly less fussy about research quality, or sometimes even basic grammar. An easy publication credit to act as line entry fodder on your CV to make it look like you are semi-active, but too many of these credits will not look good! [[Submit!|lowarticle3]]\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle3]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle3]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 6>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 32>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score = +2>> <<set $medarticle = +1>><<set $conf += 15>><<endif>>\n\nA student demands you raise the grade on an assignment from 72% to 75% because he is applying to business school and a scholarship is on the line. This is really going to be a time-suck.<<set $stress += 8>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts6]]\n\n\n
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 8>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 2>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 35>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. <<set $conf += 18>>\n<<set $Research_Score += 2>><<set $medarticle += 1>> <<endif>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 6>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 2>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 25>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>> <<set $conf += 12>><<set $medarticle += 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 2>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 21>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>> \n<<set $conf += 14>><<set $medarticle += 1>><<endif>>\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Off-Topic, low value) The Online Journal of Potpourri.\nNon-peer reviewed Journals like these are generally run by enthusiastic grad students who can be novices when it comes to editorial control. They are generally desperate to fill their volumes and so are significantly less fussy about research quality, or sometimes even basic grammar. An easy publication credit to act as line entry fodder on your CV to make it look like you are semi-active, but too many of these credits will not look good! [[Submit!|lowarticle4]]\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle4]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle4]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $$ to 5000>>\n<<set $Research_Score to 0>>\n<<Set $Service_Score to 0>>\n<<Set $stress to 0>>\n<<set $conf to 75>>\n<<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>>\n<<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>>\n<<Set $lowconf to 0>><<Set $midconf to 0>><<Set $highconf to 0>>\n<<Set $lowarticle to 0>><<Set $medarticle to 0>><<Set $toparticle to 0>>\n<<Set $podbook to 0>><<Set $midbook to 0>><<Set $topbook to 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\nAdjunkt: An Interactive Fiction Game on Part-Time Academics\n\nCongratulations on having completed your PhD. It was six years of your life spent in alienation and obscurity to produce a big text on a subject hardly anyone will ever read or understand, but you have earned it. Now it’s time to get a job in academia.\n\nBe advised:\n***Over half of all faculty are part-timers\n***Neoliberal economics has set the agenda for austerity\n***Full-time positions are rare. There is a hiring freeze on\n***Universities are stuffed with ever more administrators who like to replace retiring tenured faculty with an industrial reserve army of cheap academics they can hire and fire at will, with no decent compensation or benefits\n***Please the students by giving them high grades or else you might not get renewed!\n***Oh, and while you are teaching a heavy load, don't forget to publish or else no job for you!\n\n\n\n[[Start|ADJUNKT]]
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle8]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle8]]
You open your email and find a depressing number of emails:\n\nInbox [244]\n\nAfter deleting the obvious spam and department-wide emails that have nothing to do with you, there is still a mountain of desperate student emails about assignment help when the assignment is due tomorrow. If at any time you just want to abandon responding to emails just go [[back|Arts5]]\n\n"From: John Smitty\nTo: Me\n\nhey proff. So i cant find anything on modernist american literature for my paper. ive looked all over the web and cant find it. do you know anywhere i can find stuff about that. and do i need to cite primary sources??? i was reading one of the thinkers you suggested in class but hes to hard for me to understand but i found an introduction book that talks about him. can i just quote that??"\n\nWhat do you reply?\n\n"Dear John Smitty,\nIt is called a library. It is a big, scary monolith lodged like a giant's jagged tooth in the jawline of campus. In there you will find a large collection of these curious items called books. In those books are plenty of things that will amaze and astound you. It's a secret preserve not many know about, so don't go spreading the word around. Let's just keep it our secret. To your question of whether you can simply cite a secondary source that parrots the primary source without adding a new layer of interpretation, NO." [[SEND|send1]]\n\nor\n\n"Dear John Smitty,\nI am sorry to hear that you are having difficulties tracking down credible sources for your assignment. Perhaps we can meet up at the student coffee bar to chat about it [I do not have access to an office this semester]. Together, I think we can make your assignment shine. [[SEND|send2]]\n\nNext email:\n\n"From: e-Teach Inc Representative\nTo: Me\n\nHello, Professor [insert name here]!\nMy name is Greg Poole and I represent e-Teach Inc with its large suite of teaching tools with a proven track record to transform lectures into sensational events. I will be visiting your campus next week and would appreciate meeting with you. As I know you must be busy, my product demonstration will only take fifteen minutes of your time. My hope is that you will see that our product solutions can really enhance the classroom experience using the web and hyperinteractive knowledge delivery tools. Hope to hear from you soon."\n\nWhat do you reply?\n\n"Dear Greg Poole\nThank you for your personalized message and your eagerness to meet my teaching needs by providing me access to your costly products and services. At this time I regret to inform you that I will not be in need of these services as I have just recently mastered the ability to manipulate the spacetime fabric itself so that I can transport my students back in time to meet Karl Marx - who was kind enough to answer student questions - or visit a neighbouring quasar. My soon to be patented soul migration technology has meant that we no longer learn about Victorian era workhouses, but actually go and visit them by becoming ethereal and immaterial entities that flow frictionlessly through time and space. I doubt your technology will be able to meet my needs unless your product can safely keep dinosaurs caged using a virtual forcefield. If you have such technology, please do not hesitate to be in contact again." [[SEND|send3]]\n\nOr you can choose not to reply at all.\n\nNext up:\n\n"From: Ted Blotch\nTo: Me\n\nDear Professor,\nI am currently applying to graduate school and am in need of a faculty member who knows my work to write a reference letter on my behalf. I know I've only taken one course with you, but I think I very much excelled in your course, and I have not taken a course with any other professor more than once. If you can write on my behalf I would be very grateful."\n\nWhat do you reply?\n\n"Dear Ted Blotch,\nYou may be better off getting a reference letter from the janitor. My contract status does not lend my name any credibility. In addition, I have already been asked to write 41 letters this semester. I sympathize with your inability to find a tenured professor to write on your behalf as most of your education has had people like me at the front of the room." [[SEND|send4]]\n\nor\n\n"Dear Ted Blotch,\nAs the eternal donkey of this institution I bray with my "ye-e-e-ess" to your request. Although in a class of over a hundred I do not actually remember you or what you wrote, I'd be more than happy to sing your praises in a glowing reference letter from my boilerplate collection as I have just finished writing on behalf of 41 other students this semester. Just tell me where to send it." [[SEND|send5]]\n\n\n\n\n
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle7]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle7]]
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 4>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 37>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score = +2>><<set $medarticle = +1>> <<set $conf += 7>><<endif>>\n\nYou decide it would be a good idea to brown nose a little:\n\nPUFF PIECE\nIn order to get into your department’s good books, you penned a lovely mini-biographical paean to a cherished tenured colleague who is due to retire.\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts9]]\n\n\n
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 29>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 77>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThe Horse Race\n\nYou were shortlisted and given an interview, but the committee has already picked their pony, and that pony is a superstar ivy-leaguer that they fawn over. The faculty are obliged to treat you to a free dinner, which is probably more than you ever got from them anyway\n\nBack to the [[grind|semester7]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 29>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 77>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nPinch Me\n\nYou kept reading those first few words of the letter over and over again: "We are pleased to inform you..." You were absolutely certain that you bombed the job talk with all your stammering, the hard questions from the floor that made you look foolish, the fact that at the dinner you dropped the spoon in the soup and had to fish it out, and the very awkward Freudian slip you made when you referenced your genitals rather than general economy. \n\nThis can't be real. You are convinced that you will wake up at your actual job in an outbound call centre.\n\nBut the demands have just begun. Welcome to tenure-track life. \n\n[[End|CV]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: 5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<set $conf += 5>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Introduction to Dull Studies." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nCongratulations: you're employed. Sadly, you only have a week to prepare a course from scratch, create the syllabus, and order the course texts.\n***The pay is calculated by semester. You will have to pay rent, food, and utilities out of this. You might have to think twice before plunking down money on conferences. $750 will be deducted every half semester***\n\n\nLet's see how you do\n<<set $stress += 5>>\n[[first semester|semester1]]
You could tell by the sea of nodding faces that what you proposed was a good idea. A member from the floor introduced a motion that an adjunct faculty committee be created that would perform outreach among adjuncts, and also provide information to the union council on the current state of adjuncts at the university. The motion saw more than twelve eager hands shoot up to move and second it. The vote was called and it passed unanimously.\n\nThe president took the occasion to ask whether or not you would be interested in heading up this committee. It is more unpaid time, but at least it offers you an opportunity to have your voice heard. You gracefully accept being nominated. <<set $conf += 12>>\n\nYou [[return|Arts11]] to your duties with a slightly emboldened feeling.
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 92>><<print $stress>>\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 11>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt may be nice to recharge your batteries, but you needed much more time to decompress. It didn't help your esteem at all to hear that one of your former classmates landed a tenure-track job at a prestigious school. For some reason, you just couldn't find as much joy in your time off.\n\nTime to trudge back into this [[mess|Arts9]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 3>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<set $conf += 24>> <<endif>>\n<<set $toparticle += 1>>\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 8>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 3>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<set $conf += 22>> <<endif>>\n<<set $toparticle += 1>>\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 3>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.<<set $conf += 23>>\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<endif>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 3>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<set $conf += 23>><<endif>>\n\nNeedy Student: The student needs guidance on the final paper. The student is helpless and cannot find any research materials, cannot write a thesis statement, and needs a lot of handholding. Your office hour is now an office day.<<set $stress += 7>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts6]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 11>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 23>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<set $conf += 22>><<endif>>\n\nIn other publishing news:\nFIFTY GRADES OF SHAY\nYou’ve stayed up late at nights and worked through your weekends secretly writing a novel that has now been picked up by a publishing house. Unfortunately, your colleagues get the wrong idea about you since the plot is about a lecherous academic who sleeps with his students. But it’s fiction, you protest! But don’t authors write from what they know? This may negatively impact your chances at contract renewal.<<set $conf -= 9>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts7]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\nThank you for your submission. We are so going to publish it just as soon as our web person can fix the funky flash features we're going to add to our site. It's going to look fantastic. Do you think we should also have a moving ticker? We're also going to launch it with a YouTube video. We're really excited about this issue."\n\nCongratulations: you've got a publication credit.\n\nResearch status increases by 1.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowarticle += 1>>\n
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 21>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 600 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.\n<<set $Research_Score += +3>> <<set $conf += 7>><<endif>>\n\nIMPACT SCORE\nWow, you're sure moving up in the world. Your citations are increasing and having a nice effect on your H-index. Oh, but wait a minute... Did you subtract the number of self-citations? You watch as your H-index plummets to amateur hobbyist level.\n<<set $Research_Score -= 3>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts9]]
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<print $stress>>\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 25>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. Your finely polished book, <<print either ("Hypomasculinities of Sofas, Couches, and Chesterfields Throughout the Ages", "A History of Lampshades", "Toward a New Theory of Descartes' Demon", "Push Theory in Aztec Logics")>>, has been released. Take a moment to swell with pride and satisfaction over a book it is unlikely all that many will read.\n\n<<if $podbook gte 1>> Too bad it was self-published. No research score bonus for you.<<set $book2= 0>><<endif>><<else>>\n<<if $midbook gte 1>> And it appears in a slightly okay press. Not a university press, but not bad for a first time out. Research score increases by 5<<set $Research_Score += 5>><<set $book2= 0>><<endif>><<else>> <<if $topbook gte 1>> Holy crap, you have a book with a top-tier university press. Maybe that means a job. Your research score surges by ten <<set $Research_Score += 10>> <<set $book = 0>> <<set $book2= 0>> <<endif>>\n\nDone turning the book over and over in your hands, admiring its binding and your name on the spine, it is time to [[return|semester7]] to mundane matters.\n\n
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<set $$ += 1500>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 26>>IThis is to acknowledge receipt of your submission, <<print either ("Memetic Allegories in Goethe's Romanticist Vision of Facial Hair.", "The Controlled Desublimation of Rhizomatic Couchsurfing Clubs.", "Applying Durkheim's Method for Understanding Cryptocurrencies in the Trafficking of Ancient Pottery.", "A Descriptive Scholasticism of the Allegorical Depiction of Sciapods.", "Case Study of Expective Frequencies in Southern Iowan Craftivist Knitting Circles.")>> Your submission has been queued for peer review assignment which may take upwards of 950 days due to volume, and the level of academic importance of our reviewers who are all well-heeled Oxfordians." \n\nWell, it isn't a no. Patience, young grasshopper.<<else>>\nIt is my pleasure to report that your article submission, <<print either ("Longitudinal Psycholinguistic Cues in Chav Culture", "A Diachronic Assessment of Spinozist Lens-Grinding", "The Application of Quine's Problematic to Flash-Cards", "A Chomskyian interpretation of the Epic of Gilgamesh", "Toward a New Approach to Glossary Studies")>>, has been unanimously approved by the board and received glowing report from our peer reviewers. I personally took such delight in reading your keen scholarship on this issue that I just may actually cite it one day.<<set $conf += 17>>\n<<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<endif>>\n\nSOUR GRAPES\nFeeling muzzled by your department, you decide to channel your frustrations in a national newspaper op-ed piece. Remember all the published work your colleagues never bothered to read? Unfortunately for you, this was one they DID read. Did you have to go ahead and name names?\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts8]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 11>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nWait: that's the good news. The bad news is that, due to the troubled funding climate, there's been no choice but to raise registration fees. Also, the plane company that would take you there is currently on strike, which means booking with a more expensive airline.\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $2000\n<<set $$ -= 2000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You are off to present <<print either ("Defecation on Paintings as Cultural Decoding Resistance", "Nietzsche on How to Spit on the Churches", "How the Marxist Economy will Triumph", "The Secret Agenda of the Whiffle Toy Company and How it Enslaves the Subaltern Peoples")>>\n\nYour research score increases by 1\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: <<set $$ to 5000>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYour dissertation, "The Meta-Dialectical Semiotic Transfer in a Post-Kristevan Analysis of Schelling's Use of Apostrophes" passed and you are now a recently minted doctor - the kind that doesn't heal people. You are now on the market. Time to apply!\n\nJob Posting\n -1st year: Introduction to Dull Studies (class all students hate) \n Job Description: this is one of those massive first year courses filled with students who don’t want to be there, and they will be rude, not listen to you, or be playing video games while you lecture. It is also the kind of dull course none of the tenured would ever bother to teach. You will teach the script given to you without any chance of deviating. Expect that your teaching evaluation score will be low. But it’s money and experience, right? [[APPLY|apply1styear]]\n\n -2nd year: Blandness in a Historical Context (students are ok with it, but not thrilled)\n Job Description: This survey course is an entry level to your discipline. It is known as a “spinach” course, which means that it is foundational for everything else that is far more cool and interesting, but is in itself a bit dry and too historical. [[Apply|apply2ndyear]]\n\n 3rd year: Cool Stuff in Media (kids love it, but all the tenure-track faculty usually have dibs on it)\n job description: whoever teaches this course will most likely get a teaching award. The students rave about this one. They go online and tell everyone how the course has changed their lives, or how they want to have the prof’s babies. [[APPLY|apply3rdyear]]\n\n 4th year: locked until Tenure track. “The World According to Me”\n Job Description: do you have a hobby horse? A particular niche interest that only three other people in the entire world cares about? Are you just looking to gratify your ego with longwinded opinions and anecdotes from your fascinating life? You’ve earned it! By this point, the teaching evaluations do not matter for much, and you’ll have garnered enough sycophants by now that will hang off your every wise word. [[APPLY|apply4thyear]]
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<print $stress>>\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 15>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. Your finely polished book, <<print either ("Hypomasculinities of Sofas, Couches, and Chesterfields Throughout the Ages", "A History of Lampshades", "Toward a New Theory of Descartes' Demon", "Push Theory in Aztec Logics")>>, has been released. Take a moment to swell with pride and satisfaction over a book it is unlikely all that many will read.\n\n<<if $podbook gte 1>> Too bad it was self-published. No research score bonus for you.<<endif>><<else>>\n<<if $midbook gte 1>> And it appears in a slightly okay press. Not a university press, but not bad for a first time out. Research score increases by 5<<set $Research_Score += 5>> <<endif>><<else>><<if $topbook gte 1>> Holy crap, you have a book with a top-tier university press. Maybe that means a job. Your research score surges by ten <<set $Research_Score += 10>><<set $book3= 0>> <<endif>>\n\nDone turning the book over and over in your hands, admiring its binding and your name on the spine, it is time to [[apply|apply2ndyear8]] for the course this semester.\n\n
Congratulations. Your finely polished book, <<print either ("Hypomasculinities of Sofas, Couches, and Chesterfields Throughout the Ages", "A History of Lampshades", "Toward a New Theory of Descartes' Demon", "Push Theory in Aztec Logics")>>, has been released. Take a moment to swell with pride and satisfaction over a book it is unlikely all that many will read.\n\n<<if $podbook gte 1>> Too bad it was self-published. No research score bonus for you.<<endif>>\n<<if $midbook gte 1>> And it appears in a slightly okay press. Not a university press, but not bad for a first time out. Research score increases by 5<<set $Research_Score += 5>> <<if $topbook gte 1>> Holy crap, you have a book with a top-tier university press. Maybe that means a job. Your research score surges by ten <<set $Research_Score += 10>><<set $book4= 0>> <<endif>>\n\nDone turning the book over and over in your hands, admiring its binding and your name on the spine, you have just ONE MORE SHOT at the tenure-track. [[Apply now|TT3]]\n\n
<<if $Research_Score gte 15>> You've been shortlisted! Time for the [[interview|interview2]] <<endif>> <<if $Research_Score lte 14>> They acknowledged your application, but you weren't short-listed. You opened the letter that began with "we regret to inform you" and the "many great candidates" before crumpling it up and deciding tonight would be a good night to work through either a case of beer or a quart of hard liquor.\n<<set $conf -= 55>> \nOh well. Back to the [[semester|semester7]]<<endif>>
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf7]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $2000 [[Attend|highconf7]]\n
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 9>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $1000\n<<set $$ -= 1000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $1000\n<<set $$ -= 1000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf6]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $2000 [[Attend|highconf6]]\n
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nThe conference was not as fun as it could have been:\n\nTHE LEECH\nYou were just being polite, but now one of the conference presenters just won’t leave you alone. You want to network with others, but he just monopolizes all your time, shadowing you everywhere. He’s needy, insecure, and really likes to talk about his research, his life, and share all of his opinions on everything. Good luck shaking him off!\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $2000\n<<set $$ -= 2000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts8]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 19>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nBut not all went according to plan:\nThe open bar at the pre-conference mixer seemed like a good idea at the time, but you took it a bit too far. After you inadvertently insulted the keynote speaker, you then made a social faux pas by vomiting on someone’s shoes in front of all the conference attendees. Now you are hungover and five minutes late to present your paper. Maybe you should just check out of the hotel now.\n\nYour research score increases by zip.\nYour cashflow decreases by $2000\n<<set $$ -= 2000>> \n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts7]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance", "The Reception of Baudrillard's Postmodernism in Outback Communities of Resistance")>><<set $conf += 9>>\n\nScheming Weasel: I guess your adjunct comrades were not to be trusted after all. A few too many beers at the campus bar talking out of school, and you said something politically dangerous about the Dean’s new policy on digitizing everything. The opportunist adjunct tattled on you in order to get that sweet course you were applying for.<<set $stress += 11>>\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $2000\n<<set $$ -= 2000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts6]]
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 6>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, "Convergent Mediation as a Geochronology of Stone Representation on Instagram." \n\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>> \nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nSorry, but there are no positions this summer. They are few and far between.\n\nYou can work a [[summer job|job]] for minimum wage to save up more for conferences, or you can coast on your savings while continuing to enhance your research profile. If the latter, you know the drill: [[book|book3]], [[article|article3]] or [[conference|conference3]]. Or, be a [[bum|break2]] and do nothing.\n\nNote that if you are already working on a book, and if you choose the [[job-free summer|Arts4]] to work on it, you might get ahead.While doing that, you can also whip those flabby chapters and note-scads into something a little less "grad student-esque."
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 11>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("A Revaluation of Kant's Categorical Imperative Focusing on Elementary Computer-Use Education", "Information Manifolds in Antisocial Semiotic Inquiry", "The Use of Indexicals and Demonstratives Among Drug-Addled Mayors", "The Function of Lyrical Insults in the Bulgarian Mini-Renaissance.")>>\n\nYou gave such a good paper that some of the attendees mobbed you with questions once the session was over. But every ego inflation meets its eventual deflation. You return to campus to attend a committee meeting:\n\nEPIC MOTION FAIL\nYour motion was rejected absolutely by everyone in the room. They thought it was stupid, and by proxy thought you were stupid.\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $2000\n<<set $$ -= 2000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts9]]
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You are off to present "We're all aliens being alienated by an alienating system of alienation!" \n\nYour research score increases by 1\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: 5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<print $stress>>$\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 15>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We regret to inform you that '"The World According to Me" has already been assigned to one of our tenured faculty. We thank you for your interest and wish you luck in your job search.'\n\nYou must be one of those divine exceptionalists to have applied for this job. Perhaps while unemployed you could also send resumes out and apply to Chairman of the Federal Bank, Pope, and CEO of Big Oil Inc. \n\nFortunately, you saved a bit of money from your summer part-time job at Barista Bean to float you until next semester. You can get by if you cut out some of the frills from your lavish lifestyle, like regular meals and toothpaste. [[Apply for next semester|Arts2]]\n<<set $stress += 7>>
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 19>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Due to unversity-wide budget cuts, press operations have been singled out for part of the university's restructuring plans, and so we are not currently inviting new projects at this time as we focus on existing contractual committments. Once we begin accepting proposals again, our print arm will be managed by Academica Marketing Group, a publishing consultancy firm with its proven record to promote academic textbooks for course adoption."\n\nThat sucks. And the hits just keep on coming:\n\nPOLITICAL LANDMINE\nYour excellent article that takes a liberal standpoint on the issue has just been hacked to pieces by an all-conservative editorial board. In their eyes, you may as well have crucified Jesus.<<set $conf -= 15>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts7]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 15>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou have grown ever more impatient with these aggressive and pushy "e-teaching" companies shilling their miracle wares like snake oil salesmen. Your sarcasm was not lost on Greg Poole who has not decided to follow up. \n\nYou experience a fleeting sense of satisfaction in delivering that virtual donkey-punch. Enjoy a slight relief in stress.\n\nYou return to your [[duties|Arts5]] once again.
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 25>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 67>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt all started when you extended your hand to greet the chair, stumbled, and tried to stabilize yourself by grabbing whatever was closest. That happened to be the Chair's breasts. It only got worse from here. \n\nImagine Porky Pig on crack cocaine and reading from a Dutch phonebook. That was your job talk.\n\nWhen asked about the research relevance of your dissertation, you gave the impression that it was just a chunk of text written to get a degree.\n\nOn a tour of the department, now at the computer lab, you just couldn't help remarking on how outdated their technology was.\n\nThis must be a record, but in one of your individual faculty member meetings, you managed to insult the size of the man's office, his religion, his politics, his research focus, and his choice of ties in under three minutes.\n\nAfter a long day of not eating, anxious, and underslept, your choice to have a few too many drinks failed to endear you to your hosts. The invitation to sing grunge-era anthems with you and the offer to a thumb war did not help matters. \n\nNo job for you this time. Back to [[work|semester6]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 29>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 77>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCandidate Search Failure\n\nPerhaps you find it odd that you were the only applicant for the position. Despite having no competition, the search committee passed you over and declared the search an utter failure.\n\nBack to the [[grind|semester7]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress -= 11>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYour offer to help the student by using ever more unpaid time did not result in a response. Perhaps the prospect of actually sitting down and doing work scared the student away. You can just imagine what the assignment is going to look like. \n\nThe good news is that the lack of response resulted in a slight drop in your stress levels. Time to resume your [[duties|Arts5]].
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nAfter sending your sarcastic reply, you receive a response from the student:\n\n"hey proff, thanks. i'll defanatly check out the library thats a good idea. do you know where the american modernist literature section is? im thinking its prolly after the american prehistoric literature and before the postmodern literature. i also could use some help with my thesis statement. here it is: 'since the beginning of time society has liked american modernist literature because people like reading novels even tho less do now because of the internet but once upon a time they had nothing else to do but read them. my paper will argue that the internet is superior to american modernist literature because it allows students to connect with one another fast and keep updated on what celebrities are doing."\n\nYou can tell this is going to be a long relay of emails. Your confidence drops on account of a growing despair over the general state of education. You return to your [[duties|Arts5]].
The Chair seems pleased with your enthusiasm... In fact she is so overwhelmed by your self-sacrificing attitude that she can barely type a "thanks" followed by some cut and paste instructions on where and when the exam is to take place.\n\nAs usual, you did your duty, you did it well, and no one bothered to acknowledge it.\n\n*From this point on, we will spare you from seeing your pathetic bank account balance, your dangerous stress level, or even your now largely meaningless teaching/research/service scores. From here on in, we will only report on events.\n[[Get ready for next semester, or "more of the same" |Arts12]]
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nAh, the smell of autumn. New books and new courses, and scholars sporting their finest tweed. This also marks the end of your tremendous service on the committee, with a whole new chance to serve once more for a year-long period.\n\n<<if $$ lte -10000>> You've exhausted your credit, and are soon to be evicted. You simply cannot afford to keep in this game. [[bow out|CV]]. <<endif>><<else>>\n\nYou don't feel particularly rested as you were teaching over the summer. You did notice that another tenure-track job has come up, but everything in due order: get your course lined up for the semester:\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear7]]
If anyone has a keen and sensitive eye to even a hint of labour exploitation, it is you. Sadly, reread your contract:\n\n"The employee shall perform any additional duties as required or desired by the employer, at the whim of the employer, at any time during the life of the contract and beyond unto perpetuity."\n\nWell, that can't be right. Maybe the contract is in violation of labour laws. Oops. New regressive labour legislation says contracts like these are completely legit. Poops.\n\n*From this point on, we will spare you from seeing your pathetic bank account balance, your dangerous stress level, or even your now largely meaningless teaching/research/service scores. From here on in, we will only report on events.\n[[Get ready for next semester, or "more of the same" |Arts12]]
--let the player undo moves? (on / off)\n--in sugarcane, this enables the browser's back button.\n--in jonah, this lets the player click links in previous\n--passages.\n\nundo: on\n\n--let the player use bookmarks? (on / off)\n--this enables the bookmark links in jonah and sugarcane\n--(if the player can't undo, bookmarks are always disabled.)\nbookmark: on\n\n--obfuscate the story's html source to prevent possible\n--spoilers? (swap / off)\n\nobfuscate: off\n\n--string of letter pairs to use for swap-style obfuscation\n\nobfuscatekey: avnjidscrqgofxtmupbkwhylze\n\n--include the jquery script library? (on / off)\n\njquery: off\n\n--include the modernizr script library? (on / off)\n\nmodernizr: off\n
\n<<if $Research_Score gte 12>> You've been shortlisted! Time for the [[interview|interview]] <<endif>> <<else>> <<if $Research_Score lte 11>> They acknowledged your application, but you weren't short-listed. You opened the letter that began with "we regret to inform you" and the "many great candidates" before crumpling it up and deciding tonight would be a good night to work through either a case of beer or a quart of hard liquor.<<set $conf -= 51>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>>\n\nOh well. Back to the [[semester|semester6]]<<endif>>\n\n
This is your very last chance. You are overworked. Your PhD is going stale. You are fairly certain that there will not be a job waiting for you next semester. \n\nLook over your CV and decide if you think you deserve this chance.\n\n<<print $podbook>> Self-published book\n<<print $midbook>> Mid-tier academic book\n<<print $topbook>> Top-tier academic book\n\n<<print $lowarticle>> Non-peer reviewed articles\n<<print $medarticle>> Peer-reviewed articles in mid-tier journals\n<<print $toparticle>> Peer-Reviewed articles in top-tier journals\n\nYou have presented at <<print $lowconf>> low ranked conferences, <<print $medconf>> middle of the pack conferences, and <<print $highconf>> prestigious conferences.\n\n[[Job ad|jobad]]\n\n
Job Posting\n\n"The Department of Literary Astral Projections and Aura Poetics is seeking a qualified candidate in any field germane to our ambitious, multidisciplinary program. A PhD is required, and at least two years of demonstrated teaching excellence at the postsecondary level is preferred. A specialization in developing world spectral canine linguistics would be an asset. Please apply by September 22nd with fourteen copies of the application package that will include cover letter, research plan, teaching preferences, a reverse chronological order curriculum vitae, teaching dossier, and nine glowing reference letters."\n\nCanine linguistics? A bit out of your wheelhouse, but if being an adjunct has taught you anything, you can be anyone they want you to be. Perhaps a good idea to slap together a quick and dirty piece on canine linguistics just to say on your CV that you have one "under peer review." Even if it gets rejected - which it probably will since you just took your paper on Derrida's take on Joyce's Ulysses and used the find and replace function to insert "canine linguistics" wherever "deconstruction" appeared. \n\nBefore you apply:\nAccording to your CV, you have\n\n<<print $podbook>> Self-published book\n<<print $midbook>> Mid-tier academic book\n<<print $topbook>> Top-tier academic book\n\n<<print $lowarticle>> Non-peer reviewed articles\n<<print $medarticle>> Peer-reviewed articles in mid-tier journals\n<<print $toparticle>> Peer-Reviewed articles in top-tier journals\n\nYou have presented at <<print $lowconf>> low ranked conferences, <<print $medconf>> middle of the pack conferences, and <<print $highconf>> prestigious conferences.\n\nReady? [[apply now|TT2apply]]
Job Posting:\n\nThe Department of Ambiguous Interdisciplinary Studies is seeking someone for the rank of Assistant Professor [tenure-track]. The candidate will have a completed PhD in any arts field and at least two years of successful postsecondary teaching experience. The successful candidate will also be expected to teach a 2-3 load from some of the calendar offerings in addition to creating new courses in the candidate's field of expertise. Applications are due no later than October 31st. Candidates should supply a cover letter, CV, research statement, sample of writing, teaching dossier, references, full bloodwork, DNA sample, tax records for the last five years, hat size, short opinion on ostriches, record of table manners, favourite sports teams, golfing or angling philosophy where applicable, top three choices for fondue pot fuel, and specify whether they consider themselves a "dog" or "cat" person.\n\nThe University of Ivy is an equal opportunity employer, and gives especial consideration to people of all ethnicities, race, faiths, sexual orientation, number of limbs, soda preferences, or eyebrow-related body aesthetics.\n\nThere may or may not be a preferred internal candidate, but the candidate cannot ask and we cannot tell. The Department reserves the right to\n1. Fail to acknowledge the application and thus the very existence of the candidate.\n2. Subject the candidate to outright humiliation\n3. Invite the candidate strictly for our own amusement\n\n\nBefore you apply:\nAccording to your CV, you have\n\n<<print $podbook>> Self-published book\n<<print $midbook>> Mid-tier academic book\n<<print $topbook>> Top-tier academic book\n\n<<print $lowarticle>> Non-peer reviewed articles\n<<print $medarticle>> Peer-reviewed articles in mid-tier journals\n<<print $toparticle>> Peer-Reviewed articles in top-tier journals\n\nYou have presented at <<print $lowconf>> low ranked conferences, <<print $medconf>> middle of the pack conferences, and <<print $highconf>> prestigious conferences.\n\n[[Apply|TT1apply]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 3>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations... or my condolences ... you've been appointed to the <<print either ("The Vending Machine Advistory Committee for one year", "The Parking Pass Committee for one year", "The Committee for Harmonization of Committee Functions for one year", "The Committe of Faculty Convivial Events for one year", "The Examinations Quality Standards Council for one year", "The Program Realignment Committee for one year", "The Council of Big Decisions for one year")>>\n\n<<set $Service_Score += 1>>\nNow to [[start|semester4]] your semester.
SEMESTER 1\nCash: 5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 8>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Blandness in a Historical Context." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nCongratulations: you're employed. Sadly, you only have a week to prepare a course from scratch, create the syllabus, and order the course texts.\n***The pay is calculated by semester. You will have to pay rent, food, and utilities out of this. You might have to think twice before plunking down money on conferences. $750 will be deducted every half semester***\n\nLet's see how you do\n<<set $stress += 4>>\n[[Semester 1|semester1b]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 11>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 3>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou're an old hand at this now. The hardened shell of not caring anymore as an underpaid academic factotum has rendered you impervious to student sobbing over grades.\n\nUnfortunately, all that reading has taken its toll and now you can barely make out the label on whatever it is you took out of the fridge. Was that cottage cheese or expired milk? Better see the optometrist and get glasses! Between that and all the meds, this sets you back $1200\n<<set $$ -= 1200>>\n\nAt this point, it's time to get back to the research mill. \n\nWill it be a [[book|book5]], an [[article|article5]] or a [[conference?|conference5]] Alternatively, you could destress by binge watching the entire M*A*S*H series in your [[free time|break4]].
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nLow value\nSee Yourself in Print Inc.!\nThis is really just a print-on-demand self-publishing outfit with no editorial discretion. Pay a fee, and you can get a cheaply printed, badly formatted, unedited book in print that retails at a price so high that no academic library would acquire it. Possibly a career killer. [[POD me up!|POD2]]\n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD2]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD2]]
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nLow value\nSee Yourself in Print Inc.!\nThis is really just a print-on-demand self-publishing outfit with no editorial discretion. Pay a fee, and you can get a cheaply printed, badly formatted, unedited book in print that retails at a price so high that no academic library would acquire it. Possibly a career killer. [[POD me up!|POD3]]\n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD3]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD3]]
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nLow value\nSee Yourself in Print Inc.!\nThis is really just a print-on-demand self-publishing outfit with no editorial discretion. Pay a fee, and you can get a cheaply printed, badly formatted, unedited book in print that retails at a price so high that no academic library would acquire it. Possibly a career killer. [[POD me up!|POD4]]\n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD4]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD4]]
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nLow value\nSee Yourself in Print Inc.!\nThis is really just a print-on-demand self-publishing outfit with no editorial discretion. Pay a fee, and you can get a cheaply printed, badly formatted, unedited book in print that retails at a price so high that no academic library would acquire it. Possibly a career killer. [[POD me up!|POD5]]\n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD5]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD5]]
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD6]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD6]]
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Off-Topic, low value) The Online Journal of Potpourri.\nNon-peer reviewed Journals like these are generally run by enthusiastic grad students who can be novices when it comes to editorial control. They are generally desperate to fill their volumes and so are significantly less fussy about research quality, or sometimes even basic grammar. An easy publication credit to act as line entry fodder on your CV to make it look like you are semi-active, but too many of these credits will not look good! [[Submit!|lowarticle]]\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle]]
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 7>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nBy sacrificing what little time you had for research, and dedicating this to perfecting your teaching craft, you have attended workshops and retreats that hone your pedagogical techniques. You are now the ninja of teaching. You are getting so good that students no longer grade-grub: they send you long apologies for not living up your academic standards. When you teach the dullest subjects, your performative powers are so incredible that students beg you not to stop. At the end of the course, they give you a standing ovation and a bouquet of flowers.\n\nAlthough you have become a virtuoso of the lecture theatre, your research score remains at zero.\n\nAdministration has been hearing some good things about you. Due to a sabbatical, the 3rd year course is now open to you. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]\n<<set $teachingninja to "yes">>
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThe student's response was a bit crestfallen, and it made you feel a bit like a cad. It's a tricky dilemma: do you work to rule by not taking on additional work that just extracts ever more surplus value and thus take a stand against exploitation even if it means crushing the dreams of an aspiring student, or do you see the student as undeserving of being yet another victim of this corrupt system?\n\nYou chose the "maximum good for the maximum number" by rejecting compliance with the system of exploitation. It sucks that there will be victims of such choices, but at the very least one student has a better understanding of how the university is really structured.\n\nStill, it bums you out a little. You go back to your [[duties|Arts5]] with a heavier heart.
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations... or my condolences ... you've been appointed to the <<print either ("The Vending Machine Advistory Committee for one year", "The Parking Pass Committee for one year", "The Committee for Harmonization of Committee Functions for one year", "The Committe of Faculty Convivial Events for one year", "The Examinations Quality Standards Council for one year", "The Program Realignment Committee for one year", "The Council of Big Decisions for one year")>>\n\n<<set $Service_Score += 1>>\n\nYour first meeting happened right before classes began, and it did not go terribly well:\n\nOUT OF ORDER\nLooks as though you spoke out of turn. When will you learn that the proper procedure is to not make a motion on a proposal, but only second the proposal for revision if and only if the vote is called if and only if quorum is established when the committee goes in camera by a two-thirds majority vote if and only if a friendly amendment is made to the agenda with no visible abstentions? Are you stupid or something? Everybody knows that, you noob!<<set $conf -= 16>>\n\nWell, you can lick your wounds for making such a disgrace of yourself. Meanwhile, maybe if you [[apply|TT2]] to that tenure-track job, you can happily give the finger to this committee.\n\nOr, if you really want to remain entrenched in your part-time labour, ignore the job posting and just get to [[work|semester7]]
This Interactive Fiction Choose-Your-Own-Adventure game is designed with a bit of cheek and humour in mind about the plight of adjuncts, but also to reveal the frustrations and demoralizing nature of adjuncting in today's universities.\n \nThe player takes on the role of an adjunct professor trying to land tenure in a job market already over-saturated with PhDs, and in an academic environment where administrations would rather replace tenured professors with cheap, exploitable, and disposable adjuncts. The goal of the game is to teach, perform research, publish, attend conferences, and serve on committees in the hopes of getting tenured. But it won’t be easy. In fact, it might be impossible. Player choices and random events may increase or decrease your score and thus chances for securing tenure-track employment. \n\nSCORING\nThere are six main variables in the game: \n***CASH - If you dip too far into debt, the game is over.\n***RESEARCH SCORE - articles, books, and conferences can increase this score, but some venues are worth more to your research score than others. This score is important for getting an interview.\n***TEACHING SCORE - number of courses taught. \n***SERVICE SCORE - number of committees you've served on\n***STRESS - a measure of health and work-life balance\n***CONFIDENCE - a measure of positive outlook\n\nAs research, teaching and service are the holy trinity of proving one's worth in academia, the player will want to ensure that she or he selects the right choices. However, unexpected events do occur that may reduce the score. If certain thresholds are met, the player may be given an opportunity to apply to a tenure-track position. Successful offer of such a position means the player wins. As the game progresses, random and unsavoury events increase, and options begin to diminish.The value of your research publications will gradually decrease over time.\n\nSome activities add more to your stress than others. The game will not warn the player of which actions will give rise to additional stress, and even the same actions performed in the past may result in more or less stress when performed again. It is best to use common sense: performing research for a top tier journal will involve more stress than writing for a non-peer reviewed off topic journal. Teaching a first year class may be more work intensive and thus more stressful than teaching an upper year course. If your score hits a hundred, or "burnout", productive time is subtracted in the form of cash or the game is over. It is very important to keep an eye on stress levels.\n\nCONFIDENCE is a measure of your positive outlook. It can be increased by positive experiences such as publication, teaching, and other workplace successes. It can decrease significantly when you are faced with rejection or your authority is challenged. This variable is easier to maintain at the beginning, but the longer you remain an adjunct, the harder it will be to keep a positive outlook.\n\nThe more you progress, the higher the stress. As your stress and confidence levels change, this may trigger specific events good or bad. You might wish to play this through a few times to see what different choices result. As the variables increase or decrease over the length of the game, simply clicking back on the browser may not reveal the triggered events.\n\nHOW TO PLAY\nEach semester, the player will apply for a course to teach. The player will also have to develop an impressive research profile, and may be called upon to perform unpaid committee service. The player must prioritize time, but also keep in mind the realities of academic publishing and conference presentation. Certain risks taken can lead to rejection and failure.\n\nTHE CODE\nI am not by any means a skilled programmer. There may be errors in coding. I am using the native Twine programming language which I am just learning. Build time: 45 hours.\n\n\nPOLITICAL PURPOSE\nMy ultimate aim here is to amuse and inform about the situation facing adjuncts. Well over 70% of faculty in the US are adjuncts, and that is at about 50% in Canada. The neoliberalization of the economy and universities particularly has shifted the emphasis away from education as an intrinsic good to one of outputs and education as consumer product. New managerialism has created the conditions of administrative bloat, and ever more universities rely on cheap, part-time disposable labour for the purposes of ad hoc staffing as "just-in-time production." Students are largely seen as customers. Administrations extract surplus value from two groups: students and adjuncts. Meanwhile, pressure is placed on tenured faculty who are shrinking in number to commit more to curricular planning, supervision, and administrative duties while also being expected to secure large research grants in a climate of shrinking funds.\n\nIMPROVEMENTS\nThis story-game is not even at 1.0 status yet as it requires some beta testing and some additions to provide more options. It should also be a bit longer in duration. At present, the SCIENCE discipline has not yet been built. The author is also planning a separate story-game or a side-quest within this story-game on mobilizing adjuncts.\n\n[[Start|Arts]]\n\n
It's been five years since you turned your back on academia. It hasn't been easy. It was hard to convince potential employers that you had the right skills they were looking for, and so you took some menial entry-level jobs for a year or so.\n\nYou took night classes at the local college in office administration. By the third year of low-paying jobs, you lucked out in finding a position as chief communications officer of a non-profit organization that focuses on child poverty. \n\nYour education was not a waste of time. The critical reasoning and communication skills, blended with your problem-solving abilities you gained from such a long stay in academia were eminently transferable to this position.\n\nYour colleagues value your work. This is an environment of collaboration rather than competition. You see practical results from all your efforts, and you find this rewarding.\n\nPeople tell you that you seem to smile more often. Gone are the long jeremiads against the university system in your conversation. You have reasonable work hours at reasonable pay. You participate in community events, and you even met that special someone in the process. There may even be a baby on the way.\n\nYou don't really reference the fact that you have a PhD, but when someone asks, "didn't you get your PhD in something? Why aren't you up at the school as a professor? " you don't trot out a long list of bitter complaints. You simply say, "it wasn't for me. I enjoyed learning and I found it edifying for me personally, but I am happy where I am now."\n\nAnd you are.\n\n[[END|CV]]
This is your chance to shine while economizing your time. Develop a niche idea that challenges some other niche idea. Where you publish will be important:\n\n(Midlist) The Critical Studies Review\nThis journal has a bit more focus with respect to your discipline, but is also much fussier about what they accept. This journal is peer reviewed and has a higher rejection rate, but looks a bit better on your CV![[Submit!|medarticle5]]\n\n(Top tier) Le Studies Internationale\nThis is the gold standard in your discipline, and the editorial board has been known to reject papers from some of the world’s leading academics in the field. Every academic in your discipline wants to get their piece published here, but so few are lucky enough to get the chance. Due to a high volume of submissions, expect that the response rate will be long, and the publication schedule even longer should you be so lucky to get “accepted with major revisions.” If successful, this credit will shine so brightly as to dazzle the appointments committee! [[Submit!|toparticle5]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nSlim pickings out there despite how every few days the government is boasting about its record on job creation.\n\nIt doesn't help that you are overqualified for just about everything.\n\nYou finally land a job. The pay is crap, the hours long, and it seems that all you do for the entire shift is dig holes only to fill them the very next day. \n\nYou could have spent your summer making yourself a more attractive candidate for academia, but it would have been on your dime. You saved $5000 while your over-eager adjunct colleagues were most likely dumpster diving.\n<<set $$ += 5000>>\n\nBut, you know what time it is now: [[application|Arts4]] time.
Admiral Adjunct is a pseudonym. The author, being a part-time faculty member, wishes to protect his identity.\n\n[[About|about]] this story-game.
Thrilling committee work! Do you like Robert’s Rules of Order? Do you thrill at moving and seconding items on an agenda of no real importance? Do you adore talking for hours about nothing at all? Is there something in your personality that is attracted to fussing over procedural details and the punctuation in long, bland documents? If you answered no to any of those questions, too bad: part of academic life is the service component. \n\nLOW POWER\n1. The Vending Machine Advisory Committee\n You wonder why the department ever thought of creating a committee like this where academics can bicker over the deeper meaning of choosing more nougat bars over brightly shellacked candies for the faculty lounge vending machine. This committee is really just a pasture for senile faculty that need some service component in their contract, but are too dangerous to allow making important decisions. \n\n2. The Parking Pass Committee\n Committees like these serve a purely functional and arguably useless role. They are a kind of rubber stamp committee that meets on occasion to discuss how the faculty parking passes are distributed. Not much work, but not much power or prestige either. If you are just looking for something easy to put on your CV for service, this will be a breeze.\n\n3. The Committee for the Harmonization of Committee Functions\n You are not entirely sure what this committee is all about, and sitting on it will not make you any wiser as to what it is. Expect to be bored by long discussions using plenty of shop-talk jargon that ultimately means nothing, and does nothing. This committee is run by a crazy zealot who insists on meeting often. Harder work, but the easiest committee to get on because no one in their tenured mind would ever volunteer to be on it!\n\nMID POWER\n1. The Committee for Faculty Convivial Events\n Don’t let the title fool you: this is the committee where you get to discuss and decide on when the next big faculty piss-up occurs, and just how much money there is in the budget for the booze. As a part-timer, naturally you won’t be invited, and you might be a touch upset that your pittance of a salary is stuck in neutral because the money is really going to a big drunken faculty orgy. However, if you can swallow your underclass pride, being a good sport on this committee will make other faculty think you a good sport, and maybe they will remember that when you apply for a better job!\n\n2. The Examinations Quality Standards Council\n This is your opportunity to have a bit of say on what sort of material should be put on exams to stump students and make them feel stupid. Remember those really crummy teaching evaluations the students gave you last semester? Well, here is your chance to get even with them - administratively!\n\n3. The Program Realignment Committee\n Sometimes, undergraduate programs get off the rails and lose their way. This committee is devoted to get back to the basics. It meets fairly regularly, so it’s not a light load. You will also have to endure well-intentioned boors flexing their nothing-speak jargon on how to solve all the program’s problems. But it does make you look like you give a flying flip about the life of the department’s program even if no one even remembers your name.\n \nHIGH POWER\n1. The Council of Big Decisions\n Here is your chance to have input on everything from hires, fires, to even altering the genetic code of your underlings. Everything agreed upon here becomes Irrefutable Law. It’s like collaborating on writing the Ten Commandments for your department. \n\nNow that you've read the options, if you think you actually will have much choice of which committee you will sit on, you are grievously mistaken. Click [[here|here]] and learn your committee fate.\n\n
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 22>> <<if $conf lt 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Author,\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Our editorial board appreciates your wishing to publish with us. Unfortunately at this time we are not able to offer a contract for this proposed book. We wish you best of luck in placing the volume elsewhere."\n\nDang. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]\n
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 11>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, "Hegelian Antistrophes in his Personal Letters from Jena."\n\nYour research score increases by 3.\nYour cashflow decreases by $1000\n<<set $$ -= 1000>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 3>>\n<<set $highconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
SEMESTER 2\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>> \nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou survived your first semester of teaching, but time to secure your job for next semester.\n\n\nJob Posting\n -1st year: Introduction to Dull Studies (class all students hate) \n Job Description: this is one of those massive first year courses filled with students who don’t want to be there, and they will be rude, not listen to you, or be playing video games while you lecture. It is also the kind of dull course none of the tenured would ever bother to teach. You will teach the script given to you without any chance of deviating. Expect that your teaching evaluation score will be low. But it’s money and experience, right? [[APPLY|apply1styear2]]\n\n -2nd year: Blandness in a Historical Context (students are ok with it, but not thrilled)\n Job Description: This survey course is an entry level to your discipline. It is known as a “spinach” course, which means that it is foundational for everything else that is far more cool and interesting, but is in itself a bit dry and too historical. [[Apply|apply2ndyear2]]\n\n 3rd year: Cool Stuff in Media (kids love it, but all the tenure-track faculty usually have dibs on it)\n job description: whoever teaches this course will most likely get a teaching award. The students rave about this one. They go online and tell everyone how the course has changed their lives, or how they want to have the prof’s babies. [[APPLY|apply3rdyear2]]\n\n 4th year: locked until Tenure track. “The World According to Me”\n Job Description: do you have a hobby horse? A particular niche interest that only three other people in the entire world cares about? Are you just looking to gratify your ego with longwinded opinions and anecdotes from your fascinating life? You’ve earned it! By this point, the teaching evaluations do not matter for much, and you’ll have garnered enough sycophants by now that will hang off your every wise word. [[APPLY|apply4thyear2]]
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "OMG the Epic World of Entrepreneurs." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nNow that that's settled, on to see what [[commmittee|committee2]] they stuck you on.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\nThank you for your submission. We are so going to publish it just as soon as our web person can fix the funky flash features we're going to add to our site. It's going to look fantastic. Do you think we should also have a moving ticker? We're also going to launch it with a YouTube video. We're really excited about this issue."\n\nCongratulations: you've got a publication credit.\n\nResearch status increases by 1.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowarticle += 1>>
SEMESTER 9\nCash: <<set $$ += 650>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 15>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's been three years and you're no better off than you were when you started. Sure, you might have a bit more padding in the CV, but the hiring freeze has now become the hiring ice age.\n\nAnother round of budget cuts has been announced. There is chatter that your own department will be shuttered or merged with a more popular program.\n \nFrustrations follow you even in committee:\n\nTABLED\nYour amazing reform will just have to wait. It was so low down on the agenda, and Dr Jurassic had to take up half the meeting telling a very long story about when he was a graduate student during the Great Depression. Maybe it will appear on the next meeting agenda, and maybe not!\n\n<<if $textbook gte 1>> Cha-ching! Your first royalty cheque came in for that undergrad textbook. Enjoy your $300. <<set $$ += 300>><<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear9]]
Cash <<print $$>>\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\n\nPublications and Presentations:\n\n<<print $podbook>> Self-published book\n<<print $midbook>> Mid-tier academic book\n<<print $topbook>> Top-tier academic book\n\n<<print $lowarticle>> Non-peer reviewed articles\n<<print $medarticle>> Peer-reviewed articles in mid-tier journals\n<<print $toparticle>> Peer-Reviewed articles in top-tier journals\n\nYou have presented at <<print $lowconf>> low ranked conferences, <<print $medconf>> middle of the pack conferences, and <<print $highconf>> prestigious conferences.
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\nThe fascists at the university have sent their censor-Gestapo to shut us down on trumped up and baseless charges of copyright infringement. It was just one graphic used from a really old book no one even checks out of the library anymore. Seriously. We'll be fighting their totalitarian control! That being said, our publication schedule is uncertain. But if you care to join us at our copyleft sit-in at the student union building, we'll be having solidarity chickpeas and singing revolutionary songs."\n\nLooks like that journal is a no-go.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]\n\n
The Chair seems less thrilled with your potential willingness to volunteer for nothing, independently wealthy scholar that you are. She replies with a terse message:\n\n"We do not customarily compensate our employees for volunteer opportunities, but if it is insisted upon, we would be willing to offer a generous stipend of $5.74 an hour."\n\nBetween "opportunities" and "generous," the Chair is making it sound as if they are doing you a favour. You'll let this "generous opportunity" pass.\n\nHowever, the very fact that you asked this miserly question has now marked you as a greedy, selfish mercenary who is at odds with fulfilling the noble academic mission. This may mean trouble down the line.\n\n*From this point on, we will spare you from seeing your pathetic bank account balance, your dangerous stress level, or even your now largely meaningless teaching/research/service scores. From here on in, we will only report on events.\n[[Get ready for next semester, or "more of the same" |Arts12]]
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nLow value\nThe Graduate Students’ Teach-In Extravaganza on Smashing the State and Making Bread From its Bones!!!\n As you can tell, this conference is organized by hyperactive Marx-reading grad students with unacknowledged middle class guilt issues that still cleave to some ridiculous notion that academia is the one true path for waging class war against the elites. It will, at best, look cute on your CV, and doesn’t cost anything to attend. [[Attend|lowconf]]\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $1000 [[Attend|highconf]]\n
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou survived the last semester, and now reformists with axes and abacuses have come to "save" the department. The only saving grace is that you did see a rare tenure-track job posting. Good idea would be to apply for this semester, but if you apply to the tenure-track job as well, the demands of creating a teaching dossier, a cover letter that speaks directly to the job, and fine tuning your research statement and CV are going to eat all your extra research time away.\n\nOtherwise, you've had a bit of luck: you've been given an online version of the course this summer, so you can work twice as hard in developing the course using the university's Byzantine course management system. But at least you can do that from home in your thong while drinking mojitos.\n\n<<if $stress gte 55>> Overdue books! Being as incredibly busy as you are, trivial things like due dates are far from your mind. You've been sitting on those books for over a year, and renewed them to the maximum number of times. You ignored their overdue notices, and even scoffed at one of them being recalled. Now you must pay those steep fines or lose your borrowing privileges!>><<set $$ -= 185>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 12>> Your academic work has won a prestigious "paper of the year" award. Apart from a commemorative scroll, it also comes with a cash award of $5,000! <<set $$ += 5000>> <<set $conf += 22>><<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear6]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThings have taken a turn for the worse. Government has announced plans to pursue more stringent austerity, which means cuts to university subsidies. The government is also pursuing a populist agenda by putting firm caps on tuition, and so revenues are not going up. \n\nYou've already seen the effects of budget cutbacks in your department: apart from the hiring freeze, some of your adjunct colleagues will not be teaching here anymore. \n\nEntire programs are shuttering, and those that are not putting bums in seats are on notice by the administration.\n\nYou've been told in confidence that the only course available for you to apply to is the second year course. Money is tight. From here on in, expect the unexpected both at the university and your personal life.\n\nWith jobs being cut, the pressure is on to make your mark in academia and get on that tenure track.\n\n<<if $$ lte 5000>> You receive a threatening letter from your bank. You better "govern yourself accordingly" before they cut off your credit. <<endif>><<else>>\n\n<<if $conf gte 99>> Your teaching has been recognized by a university award... and it comes with cash! <<set $conf += 15>><<set $cash += 1525>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $stress gte 87>> You're taking on too much. Enjoy your brief hospitalization and some unproductive time off. <<set $$ -= 1755>> <<endif>>\n\nYou have a mountain of emails in your [[inbox|inbox1]]\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear5]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 1>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nHappy anniversary.\n\nWell, this is getting pretty tedious. But there is something new on your horizon: your department now trusts you enough that you can join a committee and boost your service score. It's unpaid, but so much of what you do is.\n\nJob Posting\n -1st year: Introduction to Dull Studies (class all students hate) \n Job Description: this is one of those massive first year courses filled with students who don’t want to be there, and they will be rude, not listen to you, or be playing video games while you lecture. It is also the kind of dull course none of the tenured would ever bother to teach. You will teach the script given to you without any chance of deviating. Expect that your teaching evaluation score will be low. But it’s money and experience, right? [[APPLY|apply1styear4]]\n\n -2nd year: Blandness in a Historical Context (students are ok with it, but not thrilled)\n Job Description: This survey course is an entry level to your discipline. It is known as a “spinach” course, which means that it is foundational for everything else that is far more cool and interesting, but is in itself a bit dry and too historical. [[Apply|apply2ndyear4]]\n\n 3rd year: Cool Stuff in Media (kids love it, but all the tenure-track faculty usually have dibs on it)\n job description: whoever teaches this course will most likely get a teaching award. The students rave about this one. They go online and tell everyone how the course has changed their lives, or how they want to have the prof’s babies. [[APPLY|apply3rdyear4]]\n\n 4th year: locked until Tenure track. “The World According to Me”\n Job Description: do you have a hobby horse? A particular niche interest that only three other people in the entire world cares about? Are you just looking to gratify your ego with longwinded opinions and anecdotes from your fascinating life? You’ve earned it! By this point, the teaching evaluations do not matter for much, and you’ll have garnered enough sycophants by now that will hang off your every wise word. Really, don't do it.
Cash: <<set $$ -= 5000>> <<print $$>>\n\nOkay, so you're applying again - and good thing, too, because you're broke and the student loan goons are sending you less than friendly reminders.\n\nJob Posting\n -1st year: Introduction to Dull Studies (class all students hate) \n Job Description: this is one of those massive first year courses filled with students who don’t want to be there, and they will be rude, not listen to you, or be playing video games while you lecture. It is also the kind of dull course none of the tenured would ever bother to teach. You will teach the script given to you without any chance of deviating. Expect that your teaching evaluation score will be low. But it’s money and experience, right? [[APPLY|apply1styear]]\n\n -2nd year: Blandness in a Historical Context (students are ok with it, but not thrilled)\n Job Description: This survey course is an entry level to your discipline. It is known as a “spinach” course, which means that it is foundational for everything else that is far more cool and interesting, but is in itself a bit dry and too historical. [[Apply|apply2ndyear]]\n\n 3rd year: Cool Stuff in Media (kids love it, but all the tenure-track faculty usually have dibs on it)\n job description: whoever teaches this course will most likely get a teaching award. The students rave about this one. They go online and tell everyone how the course has changed their life, or how they want the prof’s babies. [[APPLY|apply3rdyearb]]\n\n 4th year: locked until Tenure track. “The World According to Me”\n Job Description: do you have a hobby horse? A particular niche interest that only three other people in the entire world cares about? Are you just looking to gratify your ego with longwinded opinions and anecdotes from your fascinating life? You’ve earned it! By this point, the teaching evaluations do not matter for much, and you’ll have garnered enough sycophants by now that will hang off your every wise word. [[APPLY|apply4thyearb]]
<<if $Research_Score gte 21>> "We welcome you to a short virtual interview On August 31, at 4:45 PM. Our virtual meeting space is ICC_PPP98."\n\nSign into [[interview|TT3i]] <<endif>><<else>>\n\nNot a peep. Guess you just weren't their cut of mustard.\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear9]]
You arrive at the faculty union meeting hall. The president, looking more like a trade union boss, greets the assembled. There must be about a few hundred in here.\n\nThey go through the usual order of business - the budgets, proposed changes to language in union bylaws and policies, updates from committees, and so forth. One item piqued your interest as a committee chair remarked in her update, "we know so little about the working conditions of our adjunct sisters and brothers," to which a member replied, "It's challenging to get them out to these meetings. Fear or indifference prevents them from getting active."\n\nYou feel an urge to set the record straight. You raise your hand to speak.\n\nChoose what you want to say:\n\n[[The problem is that we are not made to feel included in anything. All you tenured aristocrats prancing about with your big fat research grants and comfy salaries while all the real labour is shouldered by us, the adjunct working poor. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for supporting this system of apartheid!|unionresp1]]\n\n[[I'm an adjunct member and new to the union. I would like to help where I can, and would be more than willing to speak about the particulars of our working conditions. I have come to know a few of my adjunct colleagues and may ask them how interested they might be in participating in union activities. The way I see it, I think it is important to have the facts on the table and work towards bargaining goals that will provide advantage to all our members|unionresp2]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: 5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 15>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We regret to inform you that '"Cool Stuff in Media" has already been assigned to one of our tenured faculty. We thank you for your interest and wish you luck in your job search.'\n\nBummer: you're unemployed. But you should have known better than to move in on super-prof's turf. \n\nFortunately, you saved a bit of money from your summer part-time job at Barista Bean to float you until next semester. You can get by if you cut out some of the frills from your lavish lifestyle, like regular meals and toothpaste. [[Apply for next semester|Arts2]]\n<<set $stress += 7>>
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<set $$ += 650>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 25>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\n <<if $book3 gte 1>> Update: Your book is done! Go [[here|bookdone3]] to claim your research prize <<endif>><<else>>\n\nBudget restraint and the failure of the union to secure a fair compensation for adjuncts in the last year of bargaining has meant a considerable pay cut by about four hundred per course.\n\nYou're starting to get a little long in the tooth, but at least you could perform the application process in your sleep as you have done it so many times. You did have a little piece of inconsequential success:\n\nA MODEST PROPOSAL\nThe tiny and inconsequential reform that you had the brass to put on the agenda was carried unanimously. Celebrate your victory with a tiny bump of one to your service score. <<set $Service_Score += 1>>\n\n<<if $toparticle gte 1>> Great news: you've been personally invited as a keynote speaker at a top conference, all expenses paid, a bump in your research score, and an honourarium. <<set $highconf += 1>> <<set $Research_Score += 3>><<set $$ += 725>><<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|apply2ndyear8]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Blandness in a Historical Context." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nYou know the drill.\n\nTime to select a [[committee|Committee]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 11>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 3>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Blandness in a Historical Context." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nThere's an additional note: \n\n"Due to necessary curriculum changes, this course must contain content from some of our other 2nd year offerings. The course is currently being reconfigured with a new name as 'OMG The Epic World of Entrepreneurs.'\n\nAlso, on the first day of class, you broke your tooth on a frozen burrito. You might have wanted to microwave that first. Since you don’t have dental benefits, it is going to cost you a grand to fix it.\n\n<<if $stress lte 24>> Great news: you've managed your workload so well that you were able to attend a second grad student-run conference, adding to your research profile. <<set $lowconf += 1>><<endif>>\n\nLet's see how you do with austerity during this [[semester|semester5]]\n\n<<set $$ -= 1000>>\n\n\n\n
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "OMG the Epic World of Entrepreneurs." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nMOOC Automation: Nothing says progress and reducing labor costs like online learning. It looks as though the Dean has decided to replace more instructors for courses with a celebrity academic who can deliver a canned lecture online to a student audience of 10,000. Yay for neoliberalism.\n\nThere is a new tenure-track job to apply to. You can [[apply here|TT1]] or give it a pass and just get on with your [[semester|semester6]]\n\n\n\n\n\n
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 25>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 67>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou wowed them. Even at dinner when you were asked your opinion on Sartre, you handled it with such diplomatic flair that it is a shame your talents are wasted in academe rather than foreign affairs. You did just the right and tasteful amount of flattery, and it turned out in the individual meetings with faculty that you share the same love of rock opera and choice of fishing lures as one of the most influential voices on the search committee. Oh, yeah, it helped that you mentioned that time when you saved orphans from that burning building by guiding them using the Socratic method. Nice touch. Your research plan was also aces: there is no way that the government-controlled granting bodies will turn down your project, "How to Monetize Poverty for the Obscenely Rich." \n\nYou're done. You landed one of those jobs that are as mythical as unicorns and a free lunch. \n\n[[end|CV]]
SEMESTER 2\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late December and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Blandness in a Historical Context." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nCongratulations: you're employed. Sadly, you only have a week to prepare a course from scratch, create the syllabus, and order the course texts.\n\nLet's see how you do\n[[Semester 2|semester2]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: -5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set stress += 25>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 25>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThis time, the school didn't even bother sending you a rejection letter. You called the administration office to inquire about your application and you could hear snickering in the background. Professor Hipsquare who has thousands of adoring fans was too busy signing autographs to even know that some fool was vying for his job. \n\nAcademia doesn't seem the place for you. Time to start selling blood to pay down those student loans before you change course to work in the private sector. Don't forget to remove all those academic references on your resume.\n\n[[Fail|Menu]]
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late again and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "OMG the Epic World of Entrepreneurs." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 17>> You've unlocked the UNDERGRADUATE TEXTBOOK OPTION! Do you take up on the offer? [[absolutely!|textbook]]<<endif>>\n\nIn other related news:\n\nMINUTES DIVA\nYou sure are quick on the draw. Your hand was up first for every motion to approve or second, and so your name is all over the minutes. At least there is some record in this department that you exist.\n\nThrilling. Back to the [[grind|semester8]].\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
You received your appointment letter and just tossed it aside, the same wording as always, the same low rate of compensation... But there was something different about this one. As you went about your day, something was nagging you, that the letter seemed different.\n\nYou returned home to reread the letter. \n\n"We regret to inform you that this course has been cancelled due to undersubscription and operational reasons. Should this or another course be offered in the future, we will retain your application on file for six months."\n\nYou have spent the last three years in servile obedience, participating in committees, putting so much effort into teaching excellent courses, and even buying fully into the publish or perish dogma by sacrificing what time you could have spent with friends and family just to add another line entry on your CV to be more "marketable." But none of that made a difference. Now you are jaded, and three years older. You knuckled under petty authorities thinking that you could charm your way up by demonstrating your willingness to play the game.\n\n\nYou spent a decade in higher education with the hopes that you would one day become a tenured professor. You sacrificed a total of 13 years trying to at least get on the track. You took on debt and put off purchases like a home as you pushed hard toward realizing that dream. You watched as your friends outside of academia moved swiftly from college in getting their HVAC repair certificate or their real estate diploma now with young children, nice homes, and steady jobs with enough for nice vacations and even retirement. You, on the other hand, were off the secure labour market grid chasing after a phantom.\n\nYour PhD is already stale. You are no longer marketable. The fact that you were not able to secure full-time employment will not be correctly seen as a failure of available jobs, but as your failure for not publishing enough. The truth is of no account here.\n\n\nWhat do you do now? \n\nI have invested too much time and energy to give up now. I am going to apply to [[another school|newschool]]\n\n-or-\n\nI have invested too much time and energy in this Ponzi scheme. I [[choose freedom|freedom]]."
SEMESTER 9\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 1>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou're not giving up that easily. Perhaps it is your obstinate nature, or you're just too foolish to know when to quit. You sent out hundreds of applications for sessional teaching gigs regardless if you had any background in the subject or not.\n\nThe response rate was pretty low, but the University of Middling-Rank offered you not just one course, but two.\n\n"We are pleased to offer you the following courses to fill our unanticipated needs: <<print either ("'An Introduction to Aristotelian Egg-Watching'", "The History of Static: From Noise to Cling'", "'The Influence of the Polite Sentimenalist Movement in the Greeting Card Industry'", "'Anthropology and the Yam Economy: Building Sweet Potato Capital'", "'Gilligan's Island: Structuralist and Poststructuralist Approaches'", "'A Brief History of Yarn'", "'Monomedia Art: How to Stick to Just One Medium in Visual Arts'")>> and <<print either ("'A Brief History of Space Operas'", "'The Psycholinguistics of Family Pets'", "'The Portrayal of Wall Coverings in Victorian Literature'", "'Applied Reaganomics'", "'Macro-Reaganomics'", "'Ayn Rand and the Objectivist School of the Self'", "'The Philosophy of Libertarian Cyber-Renegades'", "'Trade Unionism in the Context of Visual Poetry'", "'Introduction to Greenland Urbanization Studies'", "'Understanding Fractional Reserve Banking through Amateur YouTube Videos'", "'Studies in Intensive Bingo Hall Social Politics: 1955-1965'")>>\n\nEach course is compensated at a rate of $2,500 and includes duties including but not limited to preparation, lecturing, grading, and grading that occurs after the expiry of the contract."\n\nTwo courses a semester is really going to eat into your research time, but it's money.\n\n[Note to player: from here on in, the attending of conferences, article submissions, and monograph submissions will occur automatically according to a random algorithm].\n\nGet [[teaching|semester9]]
[[ADJUNKT: An Interactive Fiction on Part-Time Academics|Admiral Adjunct]]\n\nVers. 0.67\n\n
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 29>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 77>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nAmbition Backdraft\n\nCongratulations on publishing like a fiend, attending anything that even smelled remotely like a conference, winning oodles of awards, and teaching a huge amount of courses with very high student evaluations. Unfortunately, your overachieving high output makes the rest of the faculty look like slackers. Ego trumps recognizing talent.\n\nBack to the [[grind|semester7]]
This had to be the most unorthodox job interview you've ever had: no job talk, no campus tour, no two-day inquisition, no faculty-sponsored dinner.\n\nThe Search Committee Chair was a strange fellow dressed in leather, his hair in a faux-hawk, his eyes intense, and his speech brusque.\n\n"It says here that you have published <<print $toparticles>> well received articles."\n\n"I have," you say.\n\n"I note as well that you have taught six courses in the last three years. That's a bit on the light side."\n\n"It was all that was available," you say. "I would have taught more if the opportunity presented itself."\n\nWhich might be true, from a financial perspective, but you noted the toll of even a lighter load when combined with a frantic research program and service.\n\n"Well, we don't know too much teaching here, so I won't hold that against you."\n\n"Although I would not have refused additional teaching assignments, the upshot has been in being able to more heavily engage in my research practices."\n\n"What would you say is your least strong quality or least liked aspect of being an academic?\n\n"Not being presented with the opportunities that would truly challenge my intellectual development."\n\nSo far, you seem to be handling this virtual inquisition fairly well. Did you get the [[job|TT3v]]?\n
<<print either ("You don't know how you did it, or what you said that won them over, but they were impressed. You start your new job on the tenure-track as the Director of their PPP program in January. There was a bounce in your step and a smile on your lips as you approached the Chair with your statement that you would not be applying to teach for the next semester because you had been given a full-time position elsewhere. The Chair nodded knowingly, and even summoned up a bit of insincere congratulations. The Chair's thoughts were more geared toward thinking of what grad student outside the funding window could be enticed to teach the course. The Chair rose and shook your hand, thanking you for your years of service to the department. You had built up what this moment would be like in your mind for years, playing out grand scenarios where you would speak your mind about the exploitation of adjuncts, perhaps to end your relationship to this department in a fiery blaze of recrimination and justice. In other scenarios, the Chair held back tears and arranged a farewell party in your honour where he made it obligatory for the entire department to attend whether they liked you or not. But this is all you got: an anticlimactic good luck and goodbye. Perhaps that is the best you could expect. Your adjunct journey is at an end, but as you make your first actual step in a gainful academic career, your workload can only increase from here. [[Congratulations|CV]]", "As usual, the reason you were rejected was tucked behind the ambiguous and commonly stated boilerplate reason of too many great candidates to choose from, almost as though the candidates were trays of delicacies at a buffet. You knew this was your last shot. You felt it in your bones. You saw it on your internal career clock as the hands were two minutes to midnight. You spent your adjuncting life a lot like being lost in a dense jungle, striking out in every conceivable direction in the hopes that you'd find a way out, a pathway buried in the underbrush. You published high and low, gave freely of your time in unpaid situations, dedicated yourself to the success of your students, networked yourself raw, and this is what you are left with. With this disappointment comes clarity: you were never lost in the dense foliage of a jungle that might still promise abundance and prosperity with some effort, but standing alone in a vast wasteland with no visible oases or caravanserai on the horizon. You give up chasing that horizon entirely. This [[game|CV]] is over." )>>
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThe biggest market for academic books is students. They are a captive audience insofar as they are compelled to purchase whatever books the prof puts on the syllabus.\n\nOne of the biggest suppliers of first year undergrad textbooks is Academica Marketing Group. You were solicited to write an intro to squishy studies text. It just so happens that you've been teaching in this area for a few years now and can simply tidy up your lecture notes. Although the publisher wants all the flashy stuff like interactive DVDs and an online interactive quiz, you were able to farm out that work to a grad student for $500 <<set $$ -= 500>>. <<set $textbook = 1>>\n\nUndergrad textbooks are really just about royalties, not research. So this will not increase your research score one bit, but you can expect royalty cheques from now on so that you don't need to use food stamps anymore.\n\nTime to get back to [[work|semester8]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nAfter not receiving any response, you Google the publisher and find a news story about how the owner was being hauled away by police for massive fraud in addition to being a party to a child pornography ring. Perhaps not the house to publish with at this time anyway.\n\nUh-oh, that student who rarely showed up to class and could not even write one grammatically correct English sentence just accused you of grading malpractice. It doesn’t help that the student’s parents are big time donors to the university.\n<<set $stress += 9>><<set $conf -= 7>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts6]]\n\n
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email from the "publisher"\n\n"Heya! Welcome to our press. pleez download the attached style guide and upload it to our server. Lots of people are starting to read our books and we think your book, [insert title name], will really catch fire. Also, before you upload your book, please pay the publication fee via paypal. Thanx!"\n\nWell, two years is your deadline, so get working.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]\n\n<<set $book4 = 5>>\n<<set $pod4 = 1>>\n<<set $mod4 = 0>>\n<<set $god4 = 0>>\n<<set $podbook += 1>>
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email from the "publisher"\n\n"Heya! Welcome to our press. pleez download the attached style guide and upload it to our server. Lots of people are starting to read our books and we think your book, [insert title name], will really catch fire. Also, before you upload your book, please pay the publication fee via paypal. Thanx!"\n\nWell, two years is your deadline, so get working.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]\n\n<<set $book3 = 5>>\n<<set $pod3 = 1>>\n<<set $mod3 = 0>>\n<<set $god3 = 0>>\n<<set $podbook += 1>>
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>><<if $conf lt 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email from the "publisher"\n\n"Heya! Welcome to our press. pleez download the attached style guide and upload it to our server. Lots of people are starting to read our books and we think your book, [insert title name], will really catch fire. Also, before you upload your book, please pay the publication fee via paypal. Thanx!"\n\nWell, two years is your deadline, so get working.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]\n<<set $book2 = 5>>\n<<set $pod2 = 1>>\n<<set $mod2 = 0>>\n<<set $god2 = 0>>\n<<set $podbook += 1>>
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Introduction to Dull Studies." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nBy now, you know the drill.\n\nTime to select a [[committee|Committee]]
SEMESTER 2\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late December and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n'We are pleased to offer you "Introduction to Dull Studies." Compensation is set at $3,000. You will be responsible for all course preparation, lectures, grading, and office hours. At the conclusion of your duties, this contract will cease.'\n\nCongratulations: you're employed. Sadly, you only have a week to prepare a course from scratch, create the syllabus, and order the course texts.\n\nLet's see how you do\n[[second semester|semester2]]
The Chair of the department seems friendly enough, as do the other faculty members you've met so far. Although it is too early to discern whether or not they're dysfunctional egomaniac assholes and insecure backstabbers, at this point in your non-career you'd be willing to work in a department filled with zealous Stalinists if it meant job security and no longer making trips to the food bank.\n\nAs job interviews are a bit of a lottery, select a number:\n[[1|4]]\n[[2|5]]\n[[3|6]]\n[[4|7]]\n[[5|8]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou are indeed the donkey Nietzsche speaks about, the kind that cannot say no, and continues to say yes despite what additional burdens are placed on it. \n\nBy complying with this request, you further weaken the position of adjuncts. You argue that the student is as much a victim of the system as you are, and that this one little granted favour won't jeopardize the adjunct cause. But you also know that this is how the exploitative system works: getting you to comply to little things. Over time, all those little things add up.\n\nNow you've committed yourself to writing a reference letter. Add a bit more stress to your life as it will take time to craft the letter and hunt down the appropriate letterhead. \n\nBack to the [[mill|Arts5]].
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context.")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\nYou forgot something:\n\nTECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES\nYou had the great power point on your USB thumb drive. Problem is, the computers at the conference can’t read it. Maybe you can show your visuals through interpretive dance? Your topic is pretty complicated and dull, so without visuals, zone out time of your audience will set in at 7 minutes. \n<<set $Research_Score -= 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts9]]
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<set $$ += 1500>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 14>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 31>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score = +2>> <<set $medarticle = +1>><<set $conf += 21>><<endif>>\n\nWith any spot of good or bad news on the publishing front, your provocative style has earned you a bit of a reputation.\n\nUNDER THE WINDMILL\nYou’ve stayed up late at nights and worked through your weekends secretly writing a novel that has now been picked up by a publishing house. Unfortunately, it’s one of those parochial retrospective novels about the challenges of frontier life - a real dry snoozefest - but the Dean loves it.\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts8]]\n\n\n
To be continued...
SEMESTER 11\nCash: <<set $$ += 1750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 8\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 27>> No good deed goes unpunished. Your prolific research output has seen an increase in others citing your work, thus boosting your impact score. <<set $Research_Score += 8>><<endif>>\n\nWell, it seemed that the students actually adored you this semester, netting you some impressive evaluation scores. Congratulations: you just got the departmental teaching award. It doesn't come with any money or job security. In fact, it is just a cheap laser-printed certificate. On top of that, they spelled your name wrong on it. Oh well. Remember that, as an adjunct, you are paid with prestige. Too bad prestige is not a currency recognized at the bank, grocery store, or with your landlord. <<set $conf += 5>>\n\nThe Chair has asked you to step in to proctor for one of the tenured professors who is far too important and busy during this examination period to do it. What do you say?\n\n[[This falls outside my contract period, and I am not compensated for performing this additional duty, so NO |wtr]]\n\n[[Hot diggity dog! Yesyesyesyes! I'd LOVE to get some additional proctoring experience!!|nwtr]]\n\n[[What will you pay me?|merc]]\n\n
SEMESTER 10\nCash: <<set $$ += 1750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 8\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 27>> No good deed goes unpunished. Your prolific research output has seen an increase in others citing your work, thus boosting your impact score. <<set $Research_Score += 8>><<endif>>\n\nDuring this semester, you fulfilled the publishing contract for your book to be released by The University of the Sandwich Isles Press, mostly cobbled together from scads of notes and reworded published articles: <<print either ("'Bangorrhea in the Digital Public Sphere: How Repetitive Punctuation is Wielded as a Tool of Resistance Among the Youth in Social Media'", "'Imaginary Economies in the Works of Jonathan Swift'", "'Rhetorical Theory Approaches to Reading Famous Threat Letters'", "'A Semiotic Analysis of the History of Crossword Puzzles in Daily Newspapers During the Great Depression.'")>><<set $Research_Score += 6>>\n\nDoesn't seem to be any tenure-track job opportunities at the moment. That's a pity because you're becoming such a research dynamo. \n\nNow that you've been teaching here for nearly a year, you are now part of the faculty union. The union president has just sent out an email invite to a general meeting. Do you go to make sure adjunct issues are heard?\n\n[[Nah, faculty unions just serve the interests of tenured faculty. They don't give a flip about us cotton-pickers.|Arts11]]\n\n[[Absolutely. The only hope for change is through a united front against the villainy of the upper administration!|union]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context.")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 6>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context.")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 6>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nOf all the bad luck. Due to those lazy unionists at both the train and plane companies, there's a strike. How dare they ask for living wages and fairness in the global economy! Think of the inconvenience to travelers and budding scholars like yourself! For shame that they will not accept a 75% cut in pay!\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context", "Parallel Misprision in the Mannerist Overtures of Neo-Troubadour Poetry", "A Measure of Just How Far They Dragged the Dead Father in Barthelme's The Dead Father")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $conf += 7>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\nTeaching award chance: Your hard work riding the lectern has been recognized by a prestigious teaching awards committee. Sure, it’s just a cheap laser-printed piece of paper and a small trinket with no cash value, but at least you feel a little less like killing yourself.<<set $conf += 3>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts6]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 9>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context.")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\nHowever, your paper was not exactly all that well received:\n\nDAMNING QUESTION\nYou presented an awesome paper. The attendees were entirely rapt throughout most of it, and only a few people zoned out. Unfortunately, a crafty attendee was able to pose a question that rendered your research absolutely irrelevant and wrong, thus reducing you from premium scholar status to feebleminded ass clown.\n<<set $Research_Score -= 1>><<set $conf -= 29>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts7]]
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You will be presenting, <<print either ("Poetic Notions of Space as Indicated by Twitter Users in Oregon", "The Role of Lexia in Dog-Training Videos 1983-1988", "Analeptic Discourses on the Margins of Dissent: Aquifer Preservation Protesters in Nebraska", "Emblematic Discourses Surrounding State Surveillance in the Postmodern Context.")>>\nYour research score increases by 2\nYour cashflow decreases by $500\n<<set $$ -= 500>> \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>>\n<<set $midconf += 1>>\n\nIf something is going to go wrong, it generally will happen in transit:\n\nLOST LUGGAGE\nThe airline has tracked your luggage, and it is currently safe in Mexico. Unfortunately, you are in Australia and your luggage contained the only printout of your paper. Guess you’ll have to ad-lib!\n<<set $Research_Score -= 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts8]]
SEMESTER 1\nCash: -5,000\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set stress += 25>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 25>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nThis time, the school didn't even bother sending you a rejection letter. You called the administration office to inquire about your application and you could hear snickering in the background. Professor Bignib who has taught the course since the Jurassic period is amused by what can only be self-defeating persistence. \n\nAcademia doesn't seem the place for you. Time to start selling blood to pay down those student loans before you change course to work in the private sector. Don't forget to remove all those academic references on your resume.\n\n[[Fail|Menu]]
Job Posting\n\nThe Institute of Chaos and Complexity Studies is seeking a candidate with exceptional research skills for the role of Director of our Particle Pataphysics Program [PPP]. The candidate need not hold tenure. The candidate should be versatile, confident, and willing to engage in generative interdisciplinary research. \n\nCandidates must have a PhD. Only those who make the shortlist will be contacted for an interview.\n\n[[Apply|TT3job]]
SEMESTER 2\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 17>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 24>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou're just not getting this, are you?\n\nThe only reason Professor Bignib's course is advertised at all is because they HAVE to advertise it according to university policy. \n\nNow, although Prof. Bignib hasn't published a thing in twelve years, frequently shows up late or even drunk to class, recites in a monotone from yellowed lecture notes, and still refers to the leader of Germany as Bismarck, once upon a time he did publish. He has maybe 43 books and a couple hundred articles. He has awards at the ying-yang. He was almost knighted. What were you thinking?\n\nMaybe it's time to try the private sector where they reward uppity and ambitious types like you.\n\n[[Fail|Menu]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 25>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 67>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nEverything was going great. The Chair was really enthusiastic about your take on deconstructive parallelism in Donne's poetry until you started into a critique of Edwin R. Feldstrom III's absurd take on Donne. Well, if the Chair's beloved dissertation supervisor wasn't the august Dr. Feldstrom III himself. Too bad.\n\nGet back to [[work|semester6]]
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\nThank you for your submission. We are so going to publish it just as soon as our web person can fix the funky flash features we're going to add to our site. It's going to look fantastic. Do you think we should also have a moving ticker? We're also going to launch it with a YouTube video. We're really excited about this issue."\n\nCongratulations: you've got a publication credit.\n\nResearch status increases by 1.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowarticle += 1>>\n
So you think you can transform that dim, hazy notion into a 300 page piece of... scholarship. So begins the soul-searching question of where to publish. \n\nLow value\nSee Yourself in Print Inc.!\nThis is really just a print-on-demand self-publishing outfit with no editorial discretion. Pay a fee, and you can get a cheaply printed, badly formatted, unedited book in print that retails at a price so high that no academic library would acquire it. Possibly a career killer. [[POD me up!|POD]]\n\nMid value\nCantaloupe Press\nNot exactly a university press, but they do have some edgier titles. If you are lucky, you might get some cachet out of this, but the academic snobs won’t think too much of it. [[A modest first book|MOD]]\n\nHigh Value\nSacerdotal University Press\nGorgeously laid out volumes that are must-haves at every university library. Nothing says academically “arrived” than this cadillac of all academic publishers. Just don’t expect it to be easy to get a “yes” out of them. And expect harsh peer review and a long wait until it actually gets to print [[I can swim with the big fish|GOD]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 29>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 77>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nThe Roast\n\nThey never had any intention of hiring you. You were only invited for an interview because the faculty’s mean-spirited selves wanted to take the occasion to make great sport of your research, to ridicule you, and shower you with contempt for their own amusement.\n\nBack to the [[grind|semester7]]
Don't be nervous. You'll only be spending the next two days in your finest clothes being judged for absolutely everything from your shoes to what you say or do. No pressure! Hope your job talk is not a snoozer! I wonder if your attempt at wit will sail or fail, if not offend someone. Are you being too obsequious or not enough is really not something you will ever know.\n\nThis is a tense lottery.\n\nSelect one of these numbers to learn your fate\nClick on your result here:\n[[1|1]]\n[[2|2]]\n[[3|3]]
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email from the "publisher"\n\n"Heya! Welcome to our press. pleez download the attached style guide and upload it to our server. Lots of people are starting to read our books and we think your book, [insert title name], will really catch fire. Also, before you upload your book, please pay the publication fee via paypal. Thanx!"\n\nWell, two years is your deadline, so get working.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]\n<<set $book = 5>>\n<<set $pod= 1>>\n<<set $mod = 0>>\n<<set $god = 0>>\n<<set $podbook += 1>>
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 1>>I regret to inform you that your article, "The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys" has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 19>> <<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. \n<<set $Research_Score += 2>><<set $conf += 12>> <<set $medarticle += 1>> <<endif>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf5]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $2000 [[Attend|highconf5]]\n
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nLow value\nThe Graduate Students’ Teach-In Extravaganza on Smashing the State and Making Bread From its Bones!!!\n As you can tell, this conference is organized by hyperactive Marx-reading grad students with unacknowledged middle class guilt issues that still cleave to some ridiculous notion that academia is the one true path for waging class war against the elites. It will, at best, look cute on your CV, and doesn’t cost anything to attend. [[Attend|lowconf4]]\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf4]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $2000 [[Attend|highconf4]]\n
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 21>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Author,\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Our editorial board appreciates your wishing to publish with us. Unfortunately at this time we are not able to offer a contract for this proposed book. We wish you best of luck in placing the volume elsewhere."\n\nDang. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 4>>"Dear Author,\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Our editorial board appreciates your wishing to publish with us. Unfortunately at this time we are not able to offer a contract for this proposed book. We wish you best of luck in placing the volume elsewhere."<<set $conf -= 25>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your book proposal has been favourably received by our marketing team. Please find attached our style guidelines and contract. Please send a countersigned contract by the date stipulated, and we will expect a typescript in no more than two years."<<set $conf += 12>>\n<<set $book3 = 5>> <<set $mod = 1>> \n<<set $pod = 0>>\n<<set $pod2 = 0>>\n<<set $god = 0>>\n<<set $god2 = 0>>\n<<set $midbook += 1>>\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts4]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 4>>"Dear Author,\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Our editorial board appreciates your wishing to publish with us. Unfortunately at this time we are not able to offer a contract for this proposed book. We wish you best of luck in placing the volume elsewhere." <<set $conf -= 36>> <<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your book proposal has been favourably received by our marketing team. Please find attached our style guidelines and contract. Please send a countersigned contract by the date stipulated, and we will expect a typescript in no more than two years."\n <<set $conf += 16>> \n<<set $book4 = 5>><<set $mod2 = 1>> \n<<set $pod = 0>>\n<<set $pod2 = 0>>\n<<set $pod3 = 0>>\n<<set $pod4 = 0>>\n<<set $god = 0>>\n<<set $god2 = 0>>\n<<set $god3 = 0>>\n<<set $god4 = 0>>\n<<set $midbook += 1>>\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts5]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 6>>"Dear Author,\nThank you for submitting your prospectus. Our editorial board appreciates your wishing to publish with us. Unfortunately at this time we are not able to offer a contract for this proposed book. We wish you best of luck in placing the volume elsewhere."<<set $conf -= 35>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your book proposal has been favourably received by our marketing team. Please find attached our style guidelines and contract. Please send a countersigned contract by the date stipulated, and we will expect a typescript in no more than two years." <<set $conf += 15>>\n<<set $book5 = 5>><<set $mod3 = 1>>\n<<set $pod = 0>>\n<<set $pod2 = 0>>\n<<set $pod3 = 0>>\n<<set $pod4 = 0>>\n<<set $pod5 = 0>>\n<<set $god = 0>>\n<<set $god2 = 0>>\n<<set $god3 = 0>>\n<<set $god4 = 0>>\n<<set $midbook += 1>>\n <<endif>>\n\nLooks as though public transit has failed you again. As you are left stranded at the bus stop, your class has already started. As the seconds roll by, you know the students are in the process of abandoning the classroom - on the day of the midterm. This will not look good to the Dean. <<set $stress += 7>>\n\nIf things couldn't get any worse, your hard drive failed. The cost of retrieving that not backed-up data, as well as a new machine, will set you back at least three grand. <<set $$ -= 3125>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts6]] for the next semester.
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nLow value\nThe Graduate Students’ Teach-In Extravaganza on Smashing the State and Making Bread From its Bones!!!\n As you can tell, this conference is organized by hyperactive Marx-reading grad students with unacknowledged middle class guilt issues that still cleave to some ridiculous notion that academia is the one true path for waging class war against the elites. It will, at best, look cute on your CV, and doesn’t cost anything to attend. [[Attend|lowconf3]]\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf3]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $1000 [[Attend|highconf3]]\n
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nLow value\nThe Graduate Students’ Teach-In Extravaganza on Smashing the State and Making Bread From its Bones!!!\n As you can tell, this conference is organized by hyperactive Marx-reading grad students with unacknowledged middle class guilt issues that still cleave to some ridiculous notion that academia is the one true path for waging class war against the elites. It will, at best, look cute on your CV, and doesn’t cost anything to attend. [[Attend|lowconf2]]\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf2]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $1000 [[Attend|highconf2]]\n
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 6>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 25>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Author,\nThe editorial team has rejected your proposal as they do not feel it aligns with the high calibre of works this press publishes."\n\nOuch. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts2a]]
Welcome to the conference circuit! One of the few ways academics get to socialize is by contriving an excuse to get together and play ego games. Do not expect anyone to listen to what you are presenting, for their questions will only be trying to redirect attention to their research. But what a networking opportunity! And think of all the tiny hotel soaps you can smuggle out to cut down on your home expenses!\n\nMid value\nThe National Society of Philosopher Phusspot’s Metaphysics of Unreason\n This is a far more focused conference with keynote speakers and a free bottle of water for all presenters. You will get to parade about with your plastic name badge and meet all sorts of middling academics while the keynote speakers have gone off to fancy restaurants. A bit more costly since it requires a registration fee, but looks more decent on your CV.Cost: $500 travel and registration fee. [[Attend|midconf8]]\n\nHigh Value\nThe International Assembly of Studying Studies\n This is the can’t miss event of the year in your discipline, entirely star-studded. This is no conference, but a mega-conference, with thousands of presenters in concurrent sessions. The registration fee will cost as much as the airfare to get there, but it is the gold standard of conferences. Cost: $2000 [[Attend|highconf8]]\n
Congratulations. Your finely polished book, <<print either ("Hypomasculinities of Sofas, Couches, and Chesterfields Throughout the Ages", "A History of Lampshades", "Toward a New Theory of Descartes' Demon", "Push Theory in Aztec Logics")>>, has been released. Take a moment to swell with pride and satisfaction over a book it is unlikely all that many will read.\n\n<<if $podbook gte 1>> Too bad it was self-published. No research score bonus for you. <<set $book = 0>><<endif>><<else>>\n<<if $midbook gte 1>> And it appears in a slightly okay press. Not a university press, but not bad for a first time out. Research score increases by 5<<set $Research_Score += 5>> <<set $book = 0>><<endif>>\n\nDone turning the book over and over in your hands, admiring its binding and your name on the spine, it is time to [[return|semester6]] to mundane matters.\n\n
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 4>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 13>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou are able to get the students' attention every once in a while with your provocative free association skills and dropping the occasional naughty F-bomb. Of course, the grade-grubbers are already trying to bargain with you to give them exactly 82.3% to maintain their scholarships or because they will be applying to Harvard Business when they are done here.\n\nYou feel intellectually under-stimulated. You've heard a rumour that a full-time job is opening up soon, so you better start professionalizing. Some free time - not much - is coming up. Choose your focus:\n\nI am going to write a book and publish it with a prestigious university press! Time: 2 years. [[I'm Derrida Incarnate|book]]\n\nI am going to write an article for publication! Time: half a semester. [[Hey ma, look: I got published!|article]]\n\nI am going to present at an upcoming conference and network with scholars! Time: half a semester. [[Present and Network|conference]]\n\nI am going to focus on my teaching in the hopes that the department will see me as a keeper! [[Teaching Perfectionist|teach]]
SEMESTER 2\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late December and you haven't heard from the school. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n<<if $teachingninja eq "yes">>\n"Due to sabbatical and your impressive teaching scores, we are pleased to offer you "Cool Stuff in Media."\n\n***The pay is calculated by semester. You will have to pay rent, food, and utilities out of this. You might have to think twice before plunking down money on conferences. $750 will be deducted every half semester***\n<<set $conf += 6>> \n<<set $stress += 4>> Go [[teach|semester2]]<<else>>\n\n'We regret to inform you that '"Cool Stuff in Media" has already been assigned to one of our tenured faculty. We thank you for your interest and wish you luck in your job search.'\n\nBummer: you're unemployed. But you should have known better than to move in on super-prof's turf. \n\nFortunately, you saved a bit of money from your summer part-time job at Barista Bean to float you until next semester. You can get by if you cut out some of the frills from your lavish lifestyle, like regular meals and toothpaste. [[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]] <<set $$ -= 3000>><<set $conf -= 14>> <<set $stress += 14>><<endif>>
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 2>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 7>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's late August and you haven't heard from the school, as usual. A letter appears in your mailbox:\n\n"Due to sabbatical and your impressive teaching scores, we are pleased to offer you "Cool Stuff in Media." \n\nNice. But now it's time to select a [[committee|Committee]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash:<<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 13>>I regret to inform you that your article, <<print either ("The Deterritorialization of Affect in a Post-Semiotic Reading of Trailer Park Boys", "A Barthesian Reading of Contemporary Eco-Criticism", "Symbolic Memory in Byzantine Iconography", "A Systems Approach to Aristotle's Four Causes as Applied to Popular New York Delis", "Taxi Migration Patterns in the American Postwar Novel")>> has been rejected."\n\nThis was followed by two very unfavourable reader reports. Oh well, back to the drawing board! <<set $conf -= 29>><<else>>\nWe are pleased to inform you that your article <<print either ("The Political Economy of Leninist Shopkeepers in Borneo", "A Transhumanist Approach to Gaddis' The Recognitions and Vermeer", "A Critique of Literary Para-Factionism in Burroughs", "Prolegomena to Autonomist Approaches to Alternative Domesticities", "Ninth Wave Post-Feminist Deconstruction of Iron Ore Extraction Practices", "The Metaphysics of Silly Putty Using the Verificationist Approach", "A Study of Recurring Contronyms in Mongolian Graffiti", "Discursive Patterns in Teaching Breathing Techniques during the High Edo Period")>> has been accepted for publication. <<set $conf += 19>>\n<<set $Research_Score = +2>> <<set $medarticle = +1>><<endif>>\n\nWith any spot of good or bad news on the publishing front, you're provocative style has earned you a bit of a reputation.\n\nSCANDALOUS!\nLooks as though your research has created quite a stir in academic circles. A vast multitude of eight people worldwide are absolutely beside themselves in apoplectic shock. You’ve ruffled a few feathers and made a ruckus in the faculty lounge! You are now a renegade! Your research score increases by 2. <<set $Research_Score = +2>>\n\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts7]]\n\n\n
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 26>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Author,\nThe editorial team has rejected your proposal as they do not feel it aligns with the high calibre of works this press publishes."\n\nOuch. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
SEMESTER 3\nCash: <<set $$ -= 2500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 6>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 29>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Author,\nThe editorial team has rejected your proposal as they do not feel it aligns with the high calibre of works this press publishes."\n\nOuch. \n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts4]]
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 29>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\nWe cannot accept this proposal at this time due to an enormous backlog."\n\nAnd more bad news:\n\nMISQUOTED\nSomeone has cited you and took what you said out of context, if not also attributing to you something absolutely opposite to what you were saying. But don’t worry: it’s proof someone other than the editor has read you! Your research score decreases by one. <<set $Research_Score = -1>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts7]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 8>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 6>>"Dear Author,\nSurely, you jest. <<set $conf -= 38>><<else>>\nIt just so happens that we are in the midst of creating a new series, and that your proposal happens to fall within its domain. We would be pleased to see a properly formatted and edited version of your manuscript in two years time."\n<<set $conf += 22>>\n<<set $book4 = 5>> \n<<set $god = 1>> \n<<set $topbook += 1>>\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts5]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 3\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence:<<print $conf>>%\n\nYou receive an email:\n\n"Dear Contributor,\n\n<<if $Research_Score lte 6>>"Dear Author,\nSurely, you jest.<<set $conf -= 46>><<else>>\nIt just so happens that we are in the midst of creating a new series, and that your proposal happens to fall within its domain. We would be pleased to see a properly formatted and edited version of your manuscript in two years time."<<set $conf += 25>>\n<<set $book5 = 5>> <<set $god2 = 1>>\n<<set $pod = 0>>\n<<set $pod2 = 0>>\n<<set $pod3 = 0>>\n<<set $pod4 = 0>>\n<<set $mod = 0>>\n<<set $mod2 = 0>>\n<<set $mod3 = 0>>\n<<set $mod4 = 0>>\n<<set $topbook += 1>>\n<<endif>>\n\nNaughty Nabakov moment: Remember that student you flunked? Well, that student has made allegations that you made inappropriate physical contact! A knock on your record.<<set $stress += 9>>\n\n[[Apply|Arts6]] for the next semester.
SEMESTER 7\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 5\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\n<<if $book2 gte 1>>Update: The book is finally done. click [[here|bookdone2]] to add to your research score <<endif>>\n\n<<if $stress gte 99>> You've hit your limit and worked yourself half to death and still got nowhere. You have chronic ulcers, nerve disorders, and a whole range of other ailments that now render you unfit to continue working. On doctor's orders, it is time to>> [[quit|CV]] <<endif>><<else>>\n\nWill it be an [[article|article7]] or a [[conference?|conference7]]. Sorry, no break this time.
SEMESTER 6\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 4\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 7>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 1>> <<print $conf>>%\n\n<<if $book gte 1>>Update: The book is finally done. click [[here|bookdone]] to add to your research score <<endif>> <<else>>\n\n<<if $stress lte 33>> Your workload management is so impressive that others admire how you are able to get so much done and still have time to goof off. Of course, they don't know that you've been tinkering on the side. This has been so secret, it is like you haven't even bothered to tell yourself: you had submitted a manuscript to an edgy, mid-list press who said yes right away. Research bump. <<set $Research_Score+= 5>><<set $midbook += 1>><<endif>>\n\nWill it be a [[book|book6]], an [[article|article6]] or a [[conference?|conference6]] Of course, you can just [[loaf|break5]] around, too. You seem a bit ready to crack.
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 2>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nCongratulations. You are off to present <<print either ("Defecation on Paintings as Cultural Decoding Resistance", "Nietzsche on How to Spit on the Churches", "How the Marxist Economy will Triumph", "The Secret Agenda of the Whiffle Toy Company and How it Enslaves the Subaltern Peoples")>>\n\nYour research score increases by 1\n<<set $Research_Score += 1>>\n<<set $lowconf += 1>>\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts3a]]
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 9>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 6>> <<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>><<print $conf>>%\n\nWow, you've been busy. Balancing teaching, research, and now service just like the tenured folk do - but without the compensation or recognition. Ah, extracting surplus labour from the precarious!\n\n<<if $conf gte 55>> Hey, one of the tenured faculty acknowledged your existence in the hallway and even remembered your name! <<set $conf += 6>><<endif>><<if $conf gte 67>> Not only that, but she even said something nice about an article of yours she had read. You're getting noticed! <<set $conf += 11>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $stress gte 75>> You're working yourself into the ground. If you won't give yourself a break, your body will veto your punishing work regimen with some inconvenient illness. You're taking some unpaid sick leave for a few days <<set $$ -= 300>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 12>> The department found some money to support a grant for all faculty who want to attend conferences, and you are eligible. You apply and get it. <<set $$ += 3000>><<endif>>\n\nAt this point, it's time to get back to the research mill. \n\nWill it be a [[book|book4]], an [[article|article4]] or a [[conference?|conference4]] Or, like always, you can just take a load off and just enjoy some of your [[free time|break3]].
SEMESTER 4\nCash: <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 2\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 3>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<print $conf>>%\n\nBummer. It looks as though the meagre funding for this grad student run conference was pinched off at the last minute. It was very sweet of the conference organizer's friend to offer up his art commune as a new venue, but it was recently condemned.\n\n[[Apply for next semester|Arts5]]
SEMESTER 2.5\nCash: <<set $$ += 1500>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 1\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf += 4>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nYou're getting the hang of things! But, once again, it's time to consider your professionalization options.\n \nEven if you are currently chipping away at your magnum opus, it never hurts to get a contract lined up for another book, or to take a break from book-writing to write an article or attend a conference.\n\nWill it be a [[book|book2]], an [[article|article2]] or a [[conference?|conference2]]\n\nIf you just want to give yourself a [[break|break1]] before you go ahead and for the next semester. Might bring down your stress levels.\n
SEMESTER 1.5\nCash: <<set $$ += 750>> <<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 0\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 5>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 15>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nTry as you might, no amount of juggling flaming knives while riding a unicycle with constant references to Miley Cyrus is going to make "Intro to Dull Studies" a fun experience for the students. \n Half your class is checking Facebook, while the other half are most likely hungover or sleeping in. Assignments are generally very late, plagiarism is rampant, and you get unprofessional email demands from students' parents about how you better give Junior an A because he is a super genius. \n You feel intellectually under-stimulated. You've heard a rumour that a full-time job is opening up soon, so you better start professionalizing. Some free time - not much - is coming up. Choose your focus:\n\nI am going to write a book and publish it with a prestigious university press! Time: 2 years. [[I'm Derrida Incarnate|book]]\n\nI am going to write an article for publication! Time: half a semester. [[Hey ma, look: I got published!|article]]\n\nI am going to present at an upcoming conference and network with scholars! Time: half a semester. [[Present and Network|conference]]\n\nI am going to focus on my teaching in the hopes that the department will see me as a keeper! [[Teaching Perfectionist|teach]]
SEMESTER 9\nCash: <<set $$ += 1750>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 5>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\n<<if $conf gte 55>> <<set $stress -= 15>> After years of teaching, you have it down to a fluid, mechanical system. Enjoy a little less stress. <<endif>>\n\n<<if $Research_Score gte 25>> You were able to turn just one conference paper into three articles, all of which were accepted for publication in mid-range journals. You have mastered academic recycling and getting extra mileage from your research through artful rewording. <<set $midarticle +=3>> <<set $Research_Score += 6>><<endif>>\n\nDuring the semester, you were able to attend one high end conference on the theme of "Artful Duplicities in Painting." <<set $Research_Score += 3>> <<set $$ -= 2000>>\n\nTime to [[apply|Arts10]] once again.
SEMESTER 8\nCash: <<set $$ += 650>><<print $$>>\nTeaching Score: 6\nResearch Score: <<print $Research_Score>>\nService Score: <<print $Service_Score>>\nStress: <<set $stress += 12>><<if $stress gt 101>> <<set $stress to 100>> <<endif>><<print $stress>>%\nConfidence: <<set $conf -= 15>><<if $conf lte 0>> <<set $conf to 1>> <<endif>> <<print $conf>>%\n\nIt's been a corker of a semester so far. A new dean drunk on mission and vision statements has dictated a new policy direction that is absolute mush. The policy, "Enhancing Student Achievement Through Compassionate Outreach Approaches" means twice the office hours at no increase in pay, and now you have to follow your underachieving students around and give them "life mentoring."\n\nIn other bad news:\nBACK TAXES\nLooks as though the tax goons found errors in your forms going back five years. You are wallopped by a $5000 tax bill. \n<<set $$ -= 5000>>\n\nOn the job hunt front, no tenure-track positions even remotely in your field. If you had majored in engineering, management, or entrepreneurial leadership, however, you'd be up to your back teeth in job options.\n\n<<if $conf lte 1>> One can only suffer so many rejections before one succumbs to despondency, and a feeling of complete failure. Your job status has not changed, you cannot accrue the research credentials required for being shortlisted for an interview, or you simply fail to get the job. All your efforts for naught. You are thoroughly demoralized. You are so depressed that you cannot get out of bed for two days. After that, you shuffled around your home in a state of lethargy and confusion. Weeks went by and the university had no choice but to cancel your contract because you never showed up. If a friend had not found you, who knows what might have happened. The game of academia goes on, but for you that game is [[over|CV]]<<endif>>\n\nOr, you can ignore the warning signs and stick around until you squeeze out the very last words of your lecture and die in the ignoble service to your institution. \n\nTime to get into the research mood...\n\nWill it be an [[article|article8]] or a [[conference?|conference8]] or maybe take another [[break|break6]]...