Return to the Nether Realm by madmac61988

Comment XanMag

The writing is better than most of the fluff that gets submitted. I'm NOT a fan of CYOAs at all so my advise might not be the best. I think I shy away from CYOAs because most of them are not well done, however. The biggest turn off are insta-deaths, especially those that don't seem to make any rational sense. If I were to write a CYOA, I would incorporate a health system or a point system or a myriad of multiple endings so that the game could be played from beginning to end without starting over. Nothing makes me want to NOT play a game any more than starting over repeatedly from the beginning and just clicking through scenarios to return to my point of death. Some choose to have an undo function, which I don't like either because it feels like I have reversed a decision I wanted to make and it failed (kind of defeats any purpose I have of playing a CYOA, in my opinion). Some have a check point (or flag) system which is a little better if my decisions are continuously poor ones and it leads me to a not-so-instant death.

Anyway... you can glean whatever criticism you want from what I wrote above, but it APPEARS that your game design and writing style are more suited for text adventures (TAs). These are a little more difficult to write but, at least in my opinion, more like a game and thus more enjoyable. All in all, what you have is not bad and I encourage you to keep working on it.

Also, you should publish the game privately if not finished and link the game to the 'game announcements' forum on the message board asking for beta-testers. If I see 'beta' or 'WIP' or 'demo' in the game title or description, I typically won't even play it. If people are seeking advise on the forums on game design or looking for testers I enjoy helping because I know they are serious and I know what I am getting into. Once you have a finished product, then publish it as 'public' and let the world dig into it. PM me if you have any questions.