Family Troubles by melvino2010
A family of four, the Jacksons, has just moved into a house on Martin Luther King, Jr. Drive in Atlanta, GA. This is the third place, in their third county, within a year that they have had to pack up just to unpack again. Each time there has been a tragic accident that caused them to move, whether it was their house completely flooding, their apartment getting knocked down by a tornado, or some other seemingly natural circumstance. The fact of the matter is, the family is tired of moving and having to change up their entire lives because of these series of unfortunate events. Every time they move, each person loses something they love to do. The mother, Janis who is 35, lost her spot in the book club that she enjoyed going to as well as all of her books. The father, Carl who is 38, lost his spot as the captain of his rifle team as well as all of his guns and armory. Rachel, the 10 year old daughter, lost her position of co-captain of the dance team that she was a part of. Lastly, Josh, the 13 year old son, lost his positions on the basketball and baseball teams that he was a part of. The fact of the matter is, they were tired and confused on why this kept happening to them. It always starts out the same, but with a different ending result.
One pot ends up on the floor during the night in the living room. The next night the same pot is back in the same spot but full with steaming water. The steaming water stays hot throughout the night and is still steaming in the morning as if fresh. Next comes the opening and closing downstairs bathroom door which starts a month later after it seems that things are calming down. At first it is thought that someone is just up in the middle of the night until it was accidentally caught on tape. This is a series that indicates that the spirit is following the family. It is one spirit that is locked onto them, not a different spirit that seems to be in each of their places of residence. They are now tired and fed up with the hauntings, and are ready to get to the root of the spi
One pot ends up on the floor during the night in the living room. The next night the same pot is back in the same spot but full with steaming water. The steaming water stays hot throughout the night and is still steaming in the morning as if fresh. Next comes the opening and closing downstairs bathroom door which starts a month later after it seems that things are calming down. At first it is thought that someone is just up in the middle of the night until it was accidentally caught on tape. This is a series that indicates that the spirit is following the family. It is one spirit that is locked onto them, not a different spirit that seems to be in each of their places of residence. They are now tired and fed up with the hauntings, and are ready to get to the root of the spi
Comment
XanMag
03 Apr 2015
A few suggestions:
1. Add look at descriptions for everything , even scenery. Or turn this into a gamebook. You obviously like writing so it shouldn't be hard.
2. Those long scripts every time you enter the room... Move those to the script 'upon entering the room for the first time' and add room descriptions for other times and look commands.
3. For the next game, more rooms. We like exploring! :)
4. Add puzzles or something that will challenge your gamer. It seems pretty linear as is and part of the text adventure is the ability to explore.
The writing is pretty good. Mess with text adventures more and more and you'll get it (I'm still clueless but learning a bit everyday). But, honestly, it seems your current style of writing is suited for game books. I would encourage you to keep working on text adventures because they are more fun to play! Happy gaming.
XanMag
1. Add look at descriptions for everything , even scenery. Or turn this into a gamebook. You obviously like writing so it shouldn't be hard.
2. Those long scripts every time you enter the room... Move those to the script 'upon entering the room for the first time' and add room descriptions for other times and look commands.
3. For the next game, more rooms. We like exploring! :)
4. Add puzzles or something that will challenge your gamer. It seems pretty linear as is and part of the text adventure is the ability to explore.
The writing is pretty good. Mess with text adventures more and more and you'll get it (I'm still clueless but learning a bit everyday). But, honestly, it seems your current style of writing is suited for game books. I would encourage you to keep working on text adventures because they are more fun to play! Happy gaming.
XanMag
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melvino2010
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Quest 5.5
English
Published 30 Mar 2015
Updated 30 Mar 2015
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