BottlecapJazz
This user has not published any games publicly yet.
Reviews by BottlecapJazz
Review for Eagle's promise (a warrior cats oc's story)
20 Jan 2020
Save yourself some time and don't play it unless it magically updates. The few pieces of text it has is quite boring and bland so it is not even worth reading.
Review for warrior cat pick your own adventure game
20 Jan 2020
It has potential but the grammatical errors need to be fixed.
What I think about it:
Story-
Not bad, but could use a bit more reasoning of why the mc (Goldenpaw) likes Silverpaw. Is it because of her beautiful fur? Or is it because of her possibly lovable personality? Set up lore behind it so it feels like an actual crush besides just "you just like her".
About attacking the medicine cat apprentice, while it is a good option to have, when reading the section, it feels quite bland. Also, attacking him RIGHT in front of your crush feels a bit much. I would have wrote it somewhat like this:
"Your paws burned beneath you as you glared at Smallpaw, why was he near Silverpaw? Padding over, you shove your way in, shoving Smallpaw harshly. "What was that for?" Smallpaw squeaked, his eyes on you. "Sorry! It was an accident!" You meow innocently, quite glad to see Smallpaw farther away from Silverpaw. Seeing Silverpaw help the tom up, you silently scowled. Smallpaw glanced to you, taking note of your hostility.
Silverpaw looked to you with a smile. Smallpaw padded away, not up to getting on your "bad side". Silverpaw sat next to you, her beautiful silver fur glistening as the sunlight hit it. Feeling your heart pound against your chest, you awkwardly smiled. Everything about her was perfect to you, her fur in the sunlight, her (Silverpaw's eye color) eyes that shine like a/the (adjective), her perfect, lovable personality, who wouldn't love her? But, that also means you have to show everyone else you are her lover and she is taken.
Snapping back into reality, you look to Silverpaw who was chuckling. "You alive?" Silverpaw snorts as she pokes you. "Yeah!" You stammer as you felt the warmth of her paw. A light purr almost escaped as you got caught up in the moment but Silverpaw luckily didn't notice. "So, me and Littletail were going to go do some battle training later, are you free? I would love to train with you!" Silver
What I think about it:
Story-
Not bad, but could use a bit more reasoning of why the mc (Goldenpaw) likes Silverpaw. Is it because of her beautiful fur? Or is it because of her possibly lovable personality? Set up lore behind it so it feels like an actual crush besides just "you just like her".
About attacking the medicine cat apprentice, while it is a good option to have, when reading the section, it feels quite bland. Also, attacking him RIGHT in front of your crush feels a bit much. I would have wrote it somewhat like this:
"Your paws burned beneath you as you glared at Smallpaw, why was he near Silverpaw? Padding over, you shove your way in, shoving Smallpaw harshly. "What was that for?" Smallpaw squeaked, his eyes on you. "Sorry! It was an accident!" You meow innocently, quite glad to see Smallpaw farther away from Silverpaw. Seeing Silverpaw help the tom up, you silently scowled. Smallpaw glanced to you, taking note of your hostility.
Silverpaw looked to you with a smile. Smallpaw padded away, not up to getting on your "bad side". Silverpaw sat next to you, her beautiful silver fur glistening as the sunlight hit it. Feeling your heart pound against your chest, you awkwardly smiled. Everything about her was perfect to you, her fur in the sunlight, her (Silverpaw's eye color) eyes that shine like a/the (adjective), her perfect, lovable personality, who wouldn't love her? But, that also means you have to show everyone else you are her lover and she is taken.
Snapping back into reality, you look to Silverpaw who was chuckling. "You alive?" Silverpaw snorts as she pokes you. "Yeah!" You stammer as you felt the warmth of her paw. A light purr almost escaped as you got caught up in the moment but Silverpaw luckily didn't notice. "So, me and Littletail were going to go do some battle training later, are you free? I would love to train with you!" Silver
Review for Warrior cats: when danger rises DEMO
20 Jan 2020
All I would really suggest is fixing the grammatical errors (such as not using " to speak/misspelling "patrol"), all else, this is a great game and I hope you keep working on it.