Ronal

Review for The Lung Pandemic

The grammar could have been a lot better. A lot of the sentences had little to no punctuation. With only one choice per section most of the time, the reading got a bit repetitive and redundant. There is not much storyline to speak of and I found that by 10 sections in I was bored.
There is so much you could do to improve this. I assume you've put a bit of work into this but I'd say with more it could be a lot better. Maybe get an outside source to proofread your work and maybe add some corrections, give you suggestions and whatnot.
Interesting concept though.