This is not the best, it is very linear in its current state along with some parts that just feel rushed, which I suppose isn't too bad, considering this is a very new game. That is not to say that it's all bad; you have some parts which really do feel like you have consequences, even though those effects aren't particularly dire. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but those can be fixed easily if you send off a copy of it to a friend who is good at English and ask them to proof-read it (and if they're nice they can fix it for you) so that should be fine in the coming future.
You have a seed here - care for it and it'll bloom into something spectacular, if underwhelming so far.
