It makes a fine proof of concept, I think. In a full version I would naturally hope to see more than two options at a time for the dialogue, and multiple paths to success. I like the idea, and I'm ready for more.
I'm sorry to be harsh, but it was pretty terrible. You don't really have any control how the story progresses and your choices don't have any real impact. You basically die unless you do what the game wants. And sorry but the plot and dialogue are extremely stilted.