This game was added to the Sandpit for the following reason: Incomplete
The game appears to be unfinished, or is a demo of a longer work which has not yet been completed. Once the game has been completely written, it may be re-categorised.
It was fine grammar wise and the story itself was very good but, again there were no choices for the reader so that's a down side. But all in all it was pretty good.
Sorry for the one star, kid. I hesitated because the writing itself is passable, but in the end it's just an incomplete short story that abruptly cuts off without even giving the player the illusion of choice. There are PLENTY of places on the internet to post your stories and I'd advise you to check them out because you definitely are a talented writer for your age, it's just that this site here is for the interactive kind of fiction.
This is an intriguing story. My only problem is that while the characters experience a lot of action, all I can do is scroll down. Any way that the story could be broken up(for more readability), or if I could choose what Kiyoti did at some points, would be nice. High marks for the interesting characters!
Long dialogue. Maybe you should center the actions taking place. At first, I didn't know that the ??? were characters. I thought it was me thinking.
To solve the long dialogue problem: maybe you could space them out with pages. The pages could be paragraphs. I don't think you're familiar with Quest's tools, but I think you'll learn quickly. There was a lot of dialogue and you could use the pages to space them out. That way, it's not all BLAH. It's like bl... ah... not too much dialogue on one page.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's a good story or adventure. I think I would've kept on reading if it were spaced out. That way it keeps me interested to know if there's more or not.
Fantasy
Comedy
Horror
Educational
Sci-Fi
Mystery
Puzzle
Simulation
Surreal
RPG
Slice of Life
Historical
Literature
Romance
Seasonal
Sandpit