Chelonia by Jarold O S

(Warning: This is my very first story so I hope someone like it, and, Im not native English so sorry for all the errors, even the most simple like: "Is" when I should use "On", "It's" when I should use "Is" or even, "S" when there should not be anything! I always do these shit!)

You are a male Soldier on a Sci-Fi futuristic war, but after the cryogenics you had amnesia, so now you got to tell me:
Who are you?
Where are you?
What are you going to do?

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Comment Jarold O S

16 Aug 2015

Hey, guy!
I had not any idea that I had so many troubles...
By the way, I did not even liked my own story/game but I will be back with something better soon...
By the way, don't get mad AT me, I did my better at this and I hope you enjoy!
I did not logged at yet in the web site, sorry I could not see your comment and I hope you can read this!
Anyway, late or soon I will fix this game, maybe until there I got new ideas for writing too...

See ya around,
Jarold O S for TT Period

Comment TTPeriod

05 Aug 2015

Hello, Jarold O S.

I understand you are not native to English. It wasn't my language that I first had, and it might be hard for others to learn some English. But so far, your English is fine so far. But there are some grammar errors. I'll gladly tell you how to correct some.

It is spelled cabinet, not gabinet.

Fighting is a verb, and a verb is something that describes an action. Such as running, walking, and in your case, fighting.

In your story, it says it's "time for fight", but actually, it's time "to" fight. Alright?

And the way you said 'don't worry, they said this is what happens after an hibernation'. You only put the letter N in a if the next word starts with the letters, a (ah), e (eh), I (pronounce E), o (oh), u (oo). This also goes for the sentence you did, too, which you said 'an forest'.

Gotta means got a, and you said 'you just gotta gun in your hand'. Got is the past tense for get, so you probably should've said 'you have a gun in your hand'.

I also noticed another sentence. "But this is kind of weird that they don't are using their comunicators yet,
What you gonna do, soldier?". You can revise it to "But it is kind of weird that they aren't (are not) using their communicators yet. What are you going to do, soldier?" Oh yeah, your W is capitalized, which is only used for pronouns (ex. specific names like David) or the beginning of a sentence (ex. I like cakes. They are good).

One of the words are misspelled. This is how you spell incompetence.

And when the major was speaking, she should say, "Who do you think you are, little soldier" not "Who you think you are, little soldier".

Instead of saying "Mad with you", it's "mad at you". She isn't mad WITH you. That means you are mad together. She is mad AT you, because YOU are the one that she is mad at. Unless, the main character is mad, too.

There are more mistakes, but