End of Timez - Episode 1 - Learning by bman1524

This is a zombie-apocalyptic based world. Choose if you're going to become a merciful survivor; or a stone-cold killer! Some minor choices that you may not think are a big deal could have a major impact on the story ark at later times. Episode 1 is very short, because I want to know feedback before continuing on. (P.S this is my first time doing one of these, so critique as you must.)

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Review Kitaboo

25 Jun 2015

This is a good start! It tells me about how the game is going to go, what's going to happen. things like that. You give the player a good idea of what's to come. The only thing I would ask for is more choices, such as "Watch the tv", or "Choose who should die: Jessica, or Erick". Remember, no one truly cares if a person who is dead is reanimated! As long as you give a recap of the previous "episode," you're fine!

Comment snon200

24 Jun 2015

great game, i cant wait for the next parts

Comment XanMag

23 Jun 2015

The story seems like it might be worth playing through especially if it is longer. I played multiple times to see what you did with the different outcomes and I was a little disappointed from the first impressions (which could be rectified later in the story). The fact that you have to turn Erick down to save him kind of blows, but I hope you plan on working that into the story at a later point down the road. Perhaps you could have Erick knock on your door and you look through the keyhole to see who it is. You could describe a disheveled Erick with blood shot eyes and a dripping cut above his eyebrow, pleading with you to let him in. Just an idea. Other than the "Erick variation" to the story the different choices seem to lead to the same end result.

Pretty good writing overall, but be careful with some word choices, especially in conversations. Is it really how you want it to read? Is that how someone would really act or talk in this circumstance? Just check it. If you are happy with it, then it is okay.

It's a minor nuisance but... please put a comma before end quotes followed by a lower case letter of the next word. "Blah blah blah blah," replied Erick. - NOT "Blah blah blah blah." Replied Erick.

I don't think it is necessary to explain in detail the news report. Perhaps shorten that news dialogue. We all know what zombies are! =P

Finally, try to add suspense during the apartment scene. Instead of describing the newscast, perhaps heighten the readers suspense by hearing sounds in the walls, or flickering lights in the street, or the sounds of footsteps upstairs or in the hallway. Again, just a thought. I think in these games it is ESSENTIAL to build that suspense constantly or it might just fall flat.

All in all, continue writing. I'm not a fan of CYOA but would certainly be willing to beta test or play your addition to this game and offer feedback.

Good luck and Happy Gaming!
XanMag

Review BeggerStager

23 Jun 2015

Nice amount of text. But wow, that was short. I like where this is going. Although, perhaps you could add more choices. Instead of talking and giving. Perhaps... running away, or... throwing it at them, or... fighting them.