Star Wars: Mission I by kadeship

You are a Republican clone. You have been assigned to the O.S. Invincible for a special mission. The Invincible has cloaked and has been following the O.S. Enforcer, a C.I.S. flagship.

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Review by iceburner
22 Sep 2014
I agree with the previous review by Odie_da_Bosse.
To add, the content of the story starts out fine and the descriptions of the examined items give hints on what to do. Then all too quickly there's minimal description and it's hard to figure out what to do and what commands will advance the story.
The timed event near the beginning of the game is a good element of urgency but it's lacking in execution. I'm willing to bet that no one gets it the first time since there's hardly enough time to read the text let alone type the command.
This game is a good start and judging by your writing you have a lot of potential. I suggest taking a bit of time to test it out, try out the suggestions given so far and you're sure to have a game that will attract a lot of people (at least sci-fi fans like me!)

Review by Odie_da_Bossé
20 Sep 2014
Liked the concept. I understand you had no time for a test run, but a few things that would make this easier and a lot more fun are missing...

An example is spacing. You need to make large passages into paragraphs, otherwise the reader will fall asleep. Also, you need to be more specific in how to use something, and descriptions for items, for further clues.

On the plus side, you have a great writing talent. I immediately recognised the writing strategies used in your work; things like a new line between each speech.

As well as cons, there are pros. So good luck in your next game!

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Written for Quest 5.5
Published 18 Sep 2014