Join Emberstrike or Lionstripe on an adventure through the Prophecy that one of them will save ThunderClan from ShadowClan! Choose to uncover the secretive truth about a Clanmate, or save your Clan from its fate by ShadowClan! What will you do? Find out now! Note: this is a WIP, so it is not finished yet.
I'm sorry for the poor reviews you have. I'm going to give this five stars, just to improve your ratings. It must be hard for your story to be added to the sandpit, like, first thing. Your spelling isn't terrible, as the reviewers hint at. I think it's perfectly fine for a beginner. I hope you haven't given up hope yet- I believe in you.
---Foxglove
Here's my personal review.
The paragraphs were way to long, and you don't have enough choices.
I did like the storyline, but please get better grammar. It was terrible and really, I don't see enough of the background.
You seem to overexaggerate what happens, or in different cases, not explain enough of what's happening. Ex. When you follow PetalBloom, the most description I get is "oh no" or something like that. In my opinion, you should be able to tell someone or at least do something.
But instead your forced into another time skip. Time skips are "no-no" for writing stuff like this. When you do it, your story ends short and boring.
I also didn't like how you twined your stories together. It made it seem like no effort was put into it, and honestly I was interested a little in the beginning, but that cut off when the time skip happened.
Please add more detail, more choices, and plot twists. Space out your paragraphs and make the story worth reading. Try to be decent with your grammar and describe the background. Don't overexaggerate her giving birth, that's disgusting.
It's my PERSONAL opinion, and that's it. I hope you can make this better and improve from what I said. I'm not a writing expert, but you can use my advice.
Fantasy
Comedy
Horror
Educational
Sci-Fi
Mystery
Puzzle
Simulation
Surreal
RPG
Slice of Life
Historical
Literature
Romance
Seasonal
Sandpit
