Warrior Cats: Prophecies Arising by AshpawOfThunderClan

Review by Mint flame

i think the story is pretty good , although the paragraphs could describe more emotion or scenery for example when you follow petal bloom it would have been fun if MC had though various different things before discovering she's on a forbidden relationship i also think you should add more options ,it doesn't even have to affect the plot too much like walking to confront petal bloom and snapping a branch isnt of obligating the player to go to sleep. basically make a possibility and take the possibility away creatively instead of obligating the player to not do that possibility (i hope i explained good enough am very bad at explaining stuff )

Review by HI_I_like_Text-Adcentures :)

Great! Don't listen to Goodbunny. It's WONDERFUL.

Review by Foxglove

I'm sorry for the poor reviews you have. I'm going to give this five stars, just to improve your ratings. It must be hard for your story to be added to the sandpit, like, first thing. Your spelling isn't terrible, as the reviewers hint at. I think it's perfectly fine for a beginner. I hope you haven't given up hope yet- I believe in you.
---Foxglove

Review by Poisonfang

Don't listen to goodbunny2, it was very good. Except I do agree that you need to work on you spelling and grammer. Other than that, it was great!

Review by goodbunny2

Here's my personal review.
The paragraphs were way to long, and you don't have enough choices.
I did like the storyline, but please get better grammar. It was terrible and really, I don't see enough of the background.

You seem to overexaggerate what happens, or in different cases, not explain enough of what's happening. Ex. When you follow PetalBloom, the most description I get is "oh no" or something like that. In my opinion, you should be able to tell someone or at least do something.

But instead your forced into another time skip. Time skips are "no-no" for writing stuff like this. When you do it, your story ends short and boring.

I also didn't like how you twined your stories together. It made it seem like no effort was put into it, and honestly I was interested a little in the beginning, but that cut off when the time skip happened.

Please add more detail, more choices, and plot twists. Space out your paragraphs and make the story worth reading. Try to be decent with your grammar and describe the background. Don't overexaggerate her giving birth, that's disgusting.

It's my PERSONAL opinion, and that's it. I hope you can make this better and improve from what I said. I'm not a writing expert, but you can use my advice.

Concluded :)