Warrior cats game: Moonray clan part 1/3 { on hold, editing, sharing, and love always welcome though} by scarly woods

Work in Progress
Quest Gamebook

hey guys I have taken a little break and I just wanted to say I am been having a huge writers block. I love your comments and I plan to finish this as promised. Just taking longer than planned especially with COVID-19. (April 22 2020)
(to be continued) You start as a kit in Moonray clan. There are four clans around you. Moonray clan is your clan, Goldenmoon clan, Moonshine, and last but not least Bloodmoon clan. Just enjoy <3 please leave comments and reviews to know you tried it and tell me what you think, also I have much to add so it won't be finished for a few months or something due to all the endings and paths I want to add thanks! This game, however, will be finished soon, because it is getting long and this is now officially part one. I realized it was getting longe when It took a while to upload. If I add a lot more than it might crash. Besides now I can finally saw part 1 is finished! I will continue it and the next part will be about becoming a warrior and after that. Part three will be the ending at what you want to do, become a mentor then deputy, leader, starclan, loner, kittypet, and others I might add there. I'm going to finish soon thanks, my lovely readers! Every comment and review is helpful thanks! <3

I have edited pages 1-5 out of 22. I encourage you to correct me and help me edit my story. Just remember it's supposed to be present time and second-person form ( you, your,etc.). If I still made mistakes in pages 1-5 feel free to comment on that, or any recommendations to my story. I'm always looking to improve! I update frequency to check in at least once a week if you want to see this finished! <3

For those who said it's pretty long, your right. Which is why later on in the story I have optional reads on the left. read> ( that is what you need to read to understand the storyline) and optional> ( that's optional, you don't need to read it.)
I'll try to add this in the later chapters. Thanks for all the reviews and comments! I'll review your game as well if you ask. :)
Play online
Review ~Moonshine~LightClan~
02 Feb 2024
although there are some grammar mistakes, I really liked it! Most warriors text adventures I've seen are short and unfinished, you've put a lot of story and content in, which is good. Pretty detailed too
Review txeTsdrawkcaB
20 Jan 2024
It was a little childishly written, and I never finished. I suggest making the choices a darker color too, as it was difficult to see them.
Review Warriorcats03MagyarAnna
25 Jul 2022
Fantastic game
Comment Warrior cat megafan
11 Nov 2021
You don't spell next like nest! Just letting you know, other than that I can't wait for part two
Review Eclipsemoon
05 Jul 2021
This is actually pretty good! I think when it’s finished it’s going to be great. But there are so much mistakes so it makes it harder to read. You should re-read it to correct all the mistakes and should add paragraphs like at every four sentences. But overall it’s quite good! The only thing is the mistakes, and how the errors makes it not make sense.
Review STORMalsoTHELIONGUARDGIRL1209
20 Apr 2021
This is pawsome! I can't wait for more! I'll be checking by regularly, even just to play the game. There are some spelling errors, and you could space out the paragraphs a little more, but other then that it's awesome. This game should get so much more attention then it does and it deserves better ratings then 1 star. I can't wait for more! But take your time as well. Your health is important too! :3 <3
Review goodbunny2
04 Apr 2021
It's awful. I'm sorry, but I've seen better. Your story is just one lump of uninviting text. And the grammar is terrible.

Space out your lines, or paragraphs at the least. Really, put in some effort. I can name two grammar mistakes in EVERY sentence and may I add the story makes no sense.

It's boring and overall a terrible game. Would not recommend.

Ty.
Comment Monoxide
26 Jan 2021
Hi! I saw the link on another game, and so I was like: "Hmm, lets check it out." So I play it, and then I'm sitting there like: "Wow. That was truly e p i c." The grammar could be better, but keep up the great work! ^^
Comment AshpawOfThunderClan
12 Jan 2021
Can you please review my game?
Comment WarriorCatz
16 Oct 2020
I’m a big fan I’m making my own game it will be out very shortly or by the time people notice this it will be out. Btw idk if the cats we chose between were like future love interest but medics can’t have mates😐
Comment SilverStone the dragon
11 Aug 2020
One thing you could do is make it shorter :)
Review Thecatofallcats
29 May 2020
Lots of grammar errors, but long.
Review warri0rcats
08 Apr 2020
I LOVED IT AND CAN"T WAIT UNTIL YOU FINISH, editing and the story line!!!!!!
Review lil.ollie
04 Apr 2020
I thought it was amazing! there are a couple grammar mistakes, but other than that, its really good so far. I love your clan names, btw. I also really like your story line, but its a little confusing because a lot happens. otherwise its really great and i really hope you finish it, i would like to see the ending. :)



suggestion: press enter after a few lines when your making a long paragraph so it doesn't seem so long.
Review Swiftthunder
22 Mar 2020
I though it was amazing! Just a few things tho. I don’t mind reading long long paragraphs but maybe you should still make some of them a little shorter. Also, I noticed some grammar errors that made it wierd to read. And maybe add a few more choices.
Other than that I love it! The plot, the characters, and I love the way you used the adjectives! I’m so sorry this is so long BTW
Review PietroXI
21 Mar 2020
Very great game in terms of character and plot, excellent for any Warriors fan to play! The Erins would be proud. My only nitpick is there are a few spelling and grammatical errors (i.e., capitalizing cat's names, it should be "version" instead of "versian").
Review Warriorcats908
21 Mar 2020
It's pretty good. Just make the paragraphs shorter though cause my eyes got lost.
Review silver willow the warrior cat
10 Mar 2020
neat bit to long paragraphs though
Review Detective
09 Mar 2020
Its a good game but instead of those LONG paragraphs, maybe press enter 2x after 7 sentences, my eyes hurt.
Review Siena
08 Mar 2020
Great game
Ps can u please review my game
Review ~Ivypool~
07 Mar 2020
This is a good game! I can tell you put a lot of effort into it. I hope you continue and finish it, I would love to get to the end!
Review SilverStone the dragon
05 Mar 2020
This game is very good, though you need to work on your paragraphs to make it more appealing to read, and making it shorter but with more choices. Overall, it's a really good warrior cat game, and probably took a lot of effort!
Comment scarly woods
02 Mar 2020
thanks, everyone for corrections my lovely mistakes. My plan is to finish the she-cat, make a few adjustments and basically copy it but the mates will be she-cats instead of toms. I want both genders to have the same experience and that is why. I will start editing but seeing as I have a lot of correcting to do, It might take a bit longer than expected. Thank you for trying it out! hopefully, this will be finished by the end of the month. ( everything finished, tom version, corrections, and adding a link to my hopefully newly posted 2/3.
Comment BottlecapJazz
28 Feb 2020
I decided to just point out mistakes I found inside your text (which will mostly be grammar mistakes). Notes will be placed in {} and unnecessary sentences or sentences I feel need changing will be placed in /\. I will be doing the first three options as of now. Please do not take offense to this! These are simply my critics.

(With the Option "Check the Borders {Spelled as "Bounders" in the game}")
" {Remove the space.}Border patrol{A comma should be here.}" you purr from {Instead of using "from," you should use "with."}excitement. Foxtail smiles and with a flick of her tail, she runs past the high rock{All one word and capitalized so it would be "Highrock."} where you had your ceremony and into the meadow. You sprint to catch up with her and force yourself to go faster. " {Remove the space.}Your speed is great, I {I would place "almost" in there to show Foxtail's moment of uncertainty.} thought I would have to go back for you. {Replace the period with a comma.}" she praises. You lift your head high with pride as you walk {I would suggest using "pad" instead of "walk" to sound more cat-like.}the rest of the way towards your brother. "Are you ready for that patrol little apprentices {Since you are speaking about one apprentice (or so I believe), it would be "apprentice" instead of "apprentices."}?" /he asks circling us. {I would suggest rewriting this sentence as, "Talonpaw sneered as he circled you, a wide grin on the tom's muzzle. Annoyance filled you as you saw his annoying grin."\ you {"You" should be capitalized.} wait and you pounce on him, he is surprised and /he stumbles {I'd change "he stumbles" to "stumbled back."} and you bite his ear softly {I would change "and you bite his ear softly" to "You bite his ear softly with a light snarl."}.\{Add a space.}" {Remove the space.}/I'm.. not little, I&
Comment BottlecapJazz
28 Feb 2020
I decided to just point out mistakes I found inside your text (which will mostly be grammar). Notes will be placed in {} and unnecessary sentences or sentences I feel need changing will be placed in /\. I will be doing the first three options as of now. Please do not take offense to this! These are simply my critics.

(With the Option "Collect Moss")
" {Remove the space.}Collect moss," You {In this situation, "you" should not be capitalized.} reply jumping up in down of excitement. Foxtail laughs and walks ahead of you. You run to catch up. You both walk to the forest and she shows you a tree with a lot of moss beside it. You both grab moss for your bed and you make your way to the apprentices' den. You see a couple of other moss beads {Using "beads" instead of "beds." Which, either way is incorrect as they call their "beds" moss nests.}and you see a spot by the end{I would suggest ending the sentence here and putting, "You decide to lay your moss in the open spot you had found."}; you lay your bit of moss by it. Your mentor follows your movements and you pat it down into a little moss bed and you lay in it. Foxtail laughs. "Let's go do that border patrol with your brother now yeah? I think their {Using "their" instead of "they're/they are."} hunting now." She asks {The usage of "ask" is incorrect in this statement and a word such as "said/meowed" would fit better.} while walking {I would suggest using "padding" instead to sound more cat-like.} towards the way we {Using "we" instead of "you."}came in. I {Using "I" instead of "you."} nod and run {I would replace "nod and run" with "nodded and dashed after Foxtail."} to catch up.
Comment BottlecapJazz
28 Feb 2020
I decided to just point out mistakes I found inside your text (which will mostly be grammar). Notes will be placed in {} and unnecessary sentences or sentences I feel need changing will be placed in /\. I will be doing the first three options as of now. Please do not take offense to this! These are simply my critics.

(With the Option "She-cat")
It's your ceremony and you're becoming an apprentice to be a warrior. "Silverpaw your mentor is foxtail {Names should be capitalized.}." The leader Blackstar shouts {I would suggest using "yowl" to sound more cat-like.}. I {Using "I" instead of "you."} walk up to my {Using "my" instead of "your."} mentor, she has red fur with black paws like a fox but she has black stripes aswell {Incorrect spelling.} with green forest eyes. You touch noses as your brother talonpaw {Names should be capitalized.} touches noses with his mentor. As the crowd fades away, your mentor nudges you. " {Remove the space.}Do you want to go around the border with your brother or do you want to collect moss for your bed first?" She asks with her tail going side to side. /She was the deputy's best friend and I {Using "I" instead of "you."} was her second mentor {Using "mentor" instead of "apprentice."}. {If you wish to include these facts, state them whilst Foxtail is talking to her best friend and have the player note how the two were close and have the best friend state how the player was Foxtail's second apprentice or have another random warrior talk about it in the background, the possibilities are endless.}\
Review Misterfox
25 Feb 2020
I love the game and find it fun to read, but try to make the pages shorter or just one or two. other then that i really enjoyed it and please keep updating it!!!
Comment scarly woods
25 Feb 2020
This is unfinished but please tell me what you think! I'm looking for improvements and because I want to add so much, multiple mates, more name choices, tom path, leader, deputy, medicine cat path, star clan, loner, and maybe other clan options with different stories to each one! This might take me a year to be honest but I'll try not to add too much detail because you might get bored -_-''
Log in to post a review or comment.
Average rating
(4.06)
Written by
scarly woods
Plays
3053
Downloads
1392
Download file
Quest Gamebook 5.8
English
Added 21 Feb 2020
Updated 07 Jul 2020

Site News

See all announcements →