afternoon melody by davidbreyes

afternoon melody is a twine story about meeting a strange being in the woods.
Review by Ninjagorulz
06 Apr 2019
Love the aesthetic! It's very unique and was easy on the eyes to read. The go back button is certainly nice, it makes it easier to play through and see the endings while not having to restart every time! The "put your hands up and take a few steps back" option leads to a page with the picture being larger than the rest, you may want to fix that. The art you had included is very well made!

Alongside that, I'd suggest making your passages a little bit longer. I'd also suggest some proofreading since there are some spots where the grammar appears to struggle. "ask ragu he it needs help" is one of those spots, and should likely be changed to something like "ask ragu if he needs help".

With a little extra time and a few fixings here and there, you could very well make a wonderful short game! You obviously have style, and it makes the game very desirable to play! Keep up the good work, and I hope that you're able to update this so that I can give an even higher rating!

-Ninjagorulz
(4)

Log in to post a review or comment.
Similar Games

Wolf Legends: The Quest


"Tell Me A Different Story!"


Homestuck: Lost Session


Shrunk at College


Responsibility


Average rating
(4)
Written by
davidbreyes

Plays
412
HTML Game
Added 02 Apr 2019
Updated 02 Apr 2019

Share

Support

Forums