The Killing by Cruz

After you and your squad gets attacked by strange men, you are forced to flee into the desert with your two friends. The only survivors. Over the radio, headquarters tell you that a suspicious radio signal was found in the Sahara desert, asking for a passcode to a bomb.

"We suspect a group of terrorists have planted a bomb somewhere in New York, and they are going to activate it in the next few days. We don't have any troops ready in your area. By the time we send them in, they would have already set off the bomb. You're tracker tells us that you and your two friends are only three kilometres away from where the radio signal was headed. You are our only hope. Over and out."

It is up to you to decide which way to go, which decision to make.
It is up to you, to save New York.

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Review funkyspunk90

18 Sep 2016

Most of the action doesn't make very much sense- for a story about the military, people with guns don't use them on people attacking, the protagonist spends forever considering whether to pick up a gun or not as enemies charge towards him, and fifty trained combatants running forwards *all* fall over each other in a sudden comedic heap. Grenades explode when people step on them, like mines, and two people manage to defeat fifty people coming straight at them who are equally armed...
It makes it harder to take stories seriously when the author writes about topics they don't know very well, because it's not as believable.

Review Dynasty

05 Jun 2014

Was done well. Story intriguing, but quite long. D:

Comment Dynasty

05 Jun 2014

Just because it's a story book doesn't mean that you should have it very long. Yes your stories are interesting, but people will likely skip the description, or look for just what's happening, not everything you write. Change that, and it will be a good game. Also, you made your game to long. You will get too tired of writing lots of options, and their descriptions. Try to write shorter, and more options. That'll make your game sparkle.

Comment Kamaton999

04 Jun 2014

Hiya. I just played your game today and thought I'd just pitch in. First of all, most of what Claire6129 said was pretty spot on except for 1 thing. (A personally pet peeve really)

I truly don't think people mind having a long game as long as they have plenty of involvement in how it goes and it's not painfully boring. Now that doesn't mean put a bunch of explosions in every sentence just to adding a little personality to it.

and last but not least breaking up the big paragraphs into a few short ones also helps keep the reader reading instead of being turned off by a huge wall of text.

Okay thats my two cents, great story btw.

Comment Claire6129

18 May 2014

I know that this is your first game, so I wont review.
I just have some advice to give for your next game.
Sorry if this is long… :D
I've learned from experience that no one likes long games. I'd suggest to you to shorten your game. Please don't take this comment the wrong way, because I love your plot; "It is up to you, to save New York." Everyone, or, well, everyone that I know in real life, loves it when a disaster happends in New York. You also give a great discription before playing, love that! You grammar is overall very good, including your word choice, spelling, and reading it reminds me of response to literature, because there would be great structues and features.
Basicly, the only few things bad, is that it is too long on each page, I know that the average person on here would skip the reading, so you should do it like this:

Ex:
You look around yourself;
No one is there…
But you hear someone breathing…
Is it yourself?
etc…

Understand?
Great.
Next thing, is that this is a game, you can't forget that.
I found that you didn't have too many choices.