Warrior Cats: Prophecies Arising by AshpawOfThunderClan

This game was added to the Sandpit for the following reason: Poor spelling or grammar
Join Emberstrike or Lionstripe on an adventure through the Prophecy that one of them will save ThunderClan from ShadowClan! Choose to uncover the secretive truth about a Clanmate, or save your Clan from its fate by ShadowClan! What will you do? Find out now! Note: this is a WIP, so it is not finished yet.
Review by goodbunny2
03 Apr 2021
Here's my personal review.
The paragraphs were way to long, and you don't have enough choices.
I did like the storyline, but please get better grammar. It was terrible and really, I don't see enough of the background.

You seem to overexaggerate what happens, or in different cases, not explain enough of what's happening. Ex. When you follow PetalBloom, the most description I get is "oh no" or something like that. In my opinion, you should be able to tell someone or at least do something.

But instead your forced into another time skip. Time skips are "no-no" for writing stuff like this. When you do it, your story ends short and boring.

I also didn't like how you twined your stories together. It made it seem like no effort was put into it, and honestly I was interested a little in the beginning, but that cut off when the time skip happened.

Please add more detail, more choices, and plot twists. Space out your paragraphs and make the story worth reading. Try to be decent with your grammar and describe the background. Don't overexaggerate her giving birth, that's disgusting.

It's my PERSONAL opinion, and that's it. I hope you can make this better and improve from what I said. I'm not a writing expert, but you can use my advice.

Concluded :)
(2)

Log in to post a review or comment.
Similar Games

Empty


The Brutal Silence


Robinson Crusoe


Nightmares


Shadows.


Average rating
(2)
Written by
AshpawOfThunderClan

Plays
163
HTML Game
Added 03 Feb 2021
Updated 03 Feb 2021

Share

Support

Forums