goodbunny2

Reviews by goodbunny2

09 Apr 2021
useless.
Really.
(1)

06 Apr 2021
I like it but the grammar and details could be better.
(3)

06 Apr 2021
Fix your grammar.
I'm pointing out how anyone could like this, it's pretty awful. I know it's WIP, but please, do better.

Have a decent day~!
(1)

Review for Warrior Cats
04 Apr 2021
Amazing! I'm very intrigued and I think this deserves more attention. I'll wait for updates.

Though there aren't to many paths, the writing is amazing.
(5)

04 Apr 2021
Flaws:

The sentences flow on, and makes it harder to read. Ex. "As your adopted sister, after being the only survivor of your litter, and her being found at a Gathering as a newborn, you've grown to love her." I just find that sentence is hard to understand. Could u split them into sentences?

I also don't like that the choices you make have absolutely no consequence. If you ignore Squirrelpaw, she doesn't give a crap when you hunt with her.

The storyline is sorta forced on you, ex. you can't choose to stay at camp when Squirrelpaw wants to go fishing.

Personalities are kind of forced onto you. You can't choose to hate Squirrelpaw, or refuse to hunt with her.

Anyway, that's all I can say about this. Overall the story is amazing, and I like that you put a decent amount of choices. Please remember this is my opinion, and I'd love to see more of this. I can't believe no-one's commented yet. (Btw I love the names!)

(4)

04 Apr 2021
don't play this, it's a joke.
(1)

I liked the description, but the story was bland and basically you have no say in what happens. I wanted more options instead of the big lump of text I got. I don't like how your forced to talk to Sandstrike and like him, no matter what you do. I also wish you'd put an option to play as - Blizzardkit, maybe?

When you do "Sand strike", really? It's not that hard to put them together as Sandstrike. It makes the text appealing. I also see you're criticizing others when your work isn't even decent. I like the concept though, and this has potential.

I'm no expert, I just like giving advice to others. It's my personal opinion.. and I admit myself that most of my games aren't perfect either. Ty for reading :)
(2)

04 Apr 2021
IT'S AMAZING.

I've almost never come across a finished, interesting story.

The only thing I suggest is adding more options.
(5)

It's awful. I'm sorry, but I've seen better. Your story is just one lump of uninviting text. And the grammar is terrible.

Space out your lines, or paragraphs at the least. Really, put in some effort. I can name two grammar mistakes in EVERY sentence and may I add the story makes no sense.

It's boring and overall a terrible game. Would not recommend.

Ty.
(1)

03 Apr 2021
Here's my personal review.
The paragraphs were way to long, and you don't have enough choices.
I did like the storyline, but please get better grammar. It was terrible and really, I don't see enough of the background.

You seem to overexaggerate what happens, or in different cases, not explain enough of what's happening. Ex. When you follow PetalBloom, the most description I get is "oh no" or something like that. In my opinion, you should be able to tell someone or at least do something.

But instead your forced into another time skip. Time skips are "no-no" for writing stuff like this. When you do it, your story ends short and boring.

I also didn't like how you twined your stories together. It made it seem like no effort was put into it, and honestly I was interested a little in the beginning, but that cut off when the time skip happened.

Please add more detail, more choices, and plot twists. Space out your paragraphs and make the story worth reading. Try to be decent with your grammar and describe the background. Don't overexaggerate her giving birth, that's disgusting.

It's my PERSONAL opinion, and that's it. I hope you can make this better and improve from what I said. I'm not a writing expert, but you can use my advice.

Concluded :)
(2)


Support

Forums