Origin of the eyes by 2273nate

This game is unlisted. Only those with the link can see it.

I am still working on this so tell me if you like it and I will keep working on it. If you do not like it tell me what you dislike and I will try to fix it.
The story takes place twenty years after the earth has been invaded by aliens from space and after they eliminate the old Government they establish their own corrupt one with new laws that everyone must follow and if you break any of their laws you get one "strike" and after your third you receive no more chances and you are executed on sight. The states have no names anymore instead they are called sectors and sector 11 is where Galen O'Malley and his brother Martin have lived their entire life. Both of their parents were executed when they were young and now they have to survive in the new world all by themselves.

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Comment Zesc

11 Jun 2019

Okay, i don't like it, and i'll tell you why, starting with overall gameplay:

First of all, there are huge blocks of text that are hard to read. Using paragraphs, and probably splitting some of the longer sentences into two (or using proper punctuation) could make reading it less a matter of breaking the wall of text.
Secondly, giving the choice to "Start Over" would be handy each time you die. I've only seen this with one ending so far.

Now some story related stuff:

The idea of Aliens conquering Earth and establishing their own rule is certainly not new, but you have potential developing it further. But so far, it lacks anything that keeps it distinct. "Laws that everyone must follow" means laws, because that's what a law i meant for.
The idea of the strikes is interesting, although suprisingly lenient.
There is also a lack of explanation of the laws, besides that each sector has it's own. What is so terrible about them? Why the lockdowns and shooting squads?
I also, why is everything is ruins? 20 Years after the war is enough time to get atleast some rudimentary infrastructure running. Why do i need to go scavenging?
And why should i ever refuse to show my ID to a control by a trigger-happy government?

Also, is there ever going to be more to this? This was released 14th July 2017, so do (almost) two years mean this is left dangling with barely 5 pages?

Comment InRetro

11 Jun 2019

Obviously incomplete but an interesting introduction to a universe worth exploring nonetheless. Wish it were complete. Oh well.